my daughter hates her name Sophia as too common and wants to change it

[wills1939]

Hi

My daughter is five years old and wants to change her name. She hates her name because everyone is called Sophia. she has a point but I didn't call her It because was popular but because it was my grandmother's name. I understand why she hates it. There are three in her class, two In her swimming class, one newly born cousin and my my friend's dog.

She has already started telling everyone her name Is Margaret (her middle name after my other grandmother). When I told her that I loved her name etc and it suited her, she cried and told me that she was fed up of being the same as everyone else and would rather an ugly name than a pretty, boring one.

At the moment, I have refused. Am I being unreasonable? She us nit a drama queen or anything. generally she us a really good girl she us just really upset about being called Sophia. But I really loved my nan.

Both my DM and MIL called themselves by other names from very young ages. My DM is her middle name and no one ever calls her by her first name, my DH thinks its a lovely name but wouldn't dare use it in front of her face. On the other hand DM gave me and my sister extremely simple one syllable names with no middle name at all! My MIL changed her name at about 5 as her brother couldn't pronounce it properly, its a variation on her original name. Its so lost in the mists of time that when I found out my DH and SIL said that they had completely forgotten that it wasn't her real name!

Lots of people change their name- my aunt had one she couldn't stand- I was quite old before I knew her real name. I know people who are called one name by family and a different one by everyone else. Even more common are those whose family decided on one nickname and the child chooses to be known by a different one.

"Personally I think she is too young to make a decision on this"
Why?

there were 5 hannahs in dd2s class in reception! all of them now 17 and all still called hannah.

if it bugs her, call her maggie at home for a bit and see if she likes it.

I think that here is a huge difference between a child that wants to be called a different name because that name is appealing for whatever reason (to be someone else, because it's exotic, sounds fun etc) and a child that says they hate their given name, and gets very upset about it (especially as it doesn't sound like she is choosing Margaret because she loves it but more because it isn't Sophia). One is a whim and the other is important. Saying 'yes dear' and moving on isn't listening, it's essentially ignoring them. Which might well be appropriate in the first case (I did it myself) but really isn't in the second.

I think I'd be inclined to go along with your dd's wishes at this point, for two reasons. The first is that it obviously matters to her, and the second is that if you don't and the issue continues the upset is likely to increase over time. If you change now I suspect the chance of her possibly reverting back to Sophia might well be stronger than if you wait until she can make the change herself.

You could talk to her about being Margaret at school, clubs etc and Sophia to you or Sophia-Margaret (bit of a mouthful though!). It's unfortunate that she now has a cousin with the same name, I wonder if that was the final straw for her, to not even be unique in her close family.

My dd is also named after two grandmothers, and she does like that, but it's not in the forefront of her mind. The shortening of her first name is quite common and there are a couple at school. She used to quite like that, but now she has decided to go for the full and much less common name so that here is only one of 'her'. In my mind names really matter, I'd hate to share mine!

Oh and I also know quite a few people that changed their names (mostly to their second names) a couple of them are still called occasionally by their original names by their mums and dads but no one else.

My father was called by his middle name all his life, didn't seem to cause any difficulty.

There are loads of choices with Margaret. I like Maggie.

Just to be clear, when I said she has the right to choose what she's called, I most certainly did not mean changing names by deed poll at the age of 5!!! She can change it herself when she's 18 if it's that important to her. I simply meant that if she wants to be 'Susie' or 'Fifi' or 'Margaret' from now on I think she has the right to ask for that and for it to be respected.

OP, I can imagine that it feels awful. There is so much love and thought that goes into choosing our children's names. I doubt it will last, so do try not to take it to heart.

Sophia is too popular?

And you think it is a dilemma that a 5 year old wants to change their name?

I wonder how she even knows that one can change their name...

Tell her to changed it at 18 - when she legally can do it herself. End of.

She is not changing her name! It is her name and of course she can change it before 18yrs. My children have nicknames I didn't choose- I can't stop it. They like them. If my DS decided to use his second name I can't do anything except not use it myself.

When I was born, there was one name that topped the lists for about 5 years and, you guessed it, it was the name my parents chose for me. I have no idea why it was so popular - it is unbelievably dull and I don't think the 5 or so other girls in my class with the same name especially liked it either. I have quite a domineering mother so changing it was really out of the question although I would like to have done - i don't feel it suits me at all.

I would give Margaret / whatever a whirl and see if it sticks....although if she changes her mind on the new name, you may be in for some trouble!!

I changed my name to a shortened version- I never bothered to ask if my mother minded- it isn't her name!