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Original poster

my daughter hates her name Sophia as too common and wants to change it

162 replies

wills1939 · 08/08/2014 19:08

Hi

My daughter is five years old and wants to change her name. She hates her name because everyone is called Sophia. she has a point but I didn't call her It because was popular but because it was my grandmother's name. I understand why she hates it. There are three in her class, two In her swimming class, one newly born cousin and my my friend's dog.

She has already started telling everyone her name Is Margaret (her middle name after my other grandmother). When I told her that I loved her name etc and it suited her, she cried and told me that she was fed up of being the same as everyone else and would rather an ugly name than a pretty, boring one.

At the moment, I have refused. Am I being unreasonable? She us nit a drama queen or anything. generally she us a really good girl she us just really upset about being called Sophia. But I really loved my nan.

OP posts:
burgatroyd · 09/08/2014 08:33

OK, I think I let my own personal thoughts creep in. No need to do deed poll, no, but it isn't a big deal either way IMO. Its a form.

I am also thinking the name Sophia and its varients are very popular. I personally would use this an an opportunity to change the name. But that's just me.

Sorry to hear about your mother, op. This must be a difficult time for you. I just wanted to give you the flip side, that changing a name officially or unofficially iusnt a big deal if you really think about it. I was so wound up before changing dd2s name. Making it official helped.

moxon · 09/08/2014 08:43

Isn't Tig and Tiggy short for Margaret? Or is that Alexandra? Confused

diddl · 09/08/2014 08:43

she must be desperate to be different if she thinks Margaret is ugly but would rather use it.

Let's hope she doesn't meet a Margaret!

fuzzpig · 09/08/2014 08:54

I think as Margaret is her middle name anyway rather than a random choice, I'd let her use it for now. It doesn't need to be official.

burgatroyd · 09/08/2014 08:58

Margaret is a great name

ElephantsNeverForgive · 09/08/2014 09:04

Both DDs have very common names (DD1 I knew, but it's a family name). She doesn't seem to mind and by luck hasn't under up with another in her class since nursery.

DD2 is just bad luck every girl born after her seems to be called a variant of her name.

She's just spells her NN a bit oddly, as her bit of individuality.

watchingthedetectives · 09/08/2014 09:08

I refused to answer to anything but Jemima aged 4/5. Parents largely ignored it and we all moved on. I am not at all unhappy about my actual name and would not in retrospect want to have changed it.

Wait a while

ihavenonameonhere · 09/08/2014 09:10

Ha ha. My sister changed her name at that age for a year. Even told the teacher.

She's 30 now and we still run her about it

XiCi · 09/08/2014 09:18

I really think you should ignore this. She's 5. At that age I wanted to change my name all the time and this continued over my childhood years. There was always some other name I preferred. I think this probably a very common thing in childhood. Give it a few years and see if she still feels the same.

Dwerf · 09/08/2014 09:35

I use my middle name, always have. For some reason my parents named me after my mum so my name is mumsname dwerf surname and they've always called me Dwerf. I've never officially changed the order and never had much of a problem. At school they used my prefered name (in fact, on the our school forms there's a box for 'prefered name'). Of course I still get called Mumsname by official people but that's okay.

I'd go with it, she may decide she's always going to be Margaret or revert back to Sophia but giving her possession of her own identity is powerful. She may only be five, but some five year olds really know their own minds. This is empowering for her, and is no way on a par with letting her get drunk (I did chortle at that comment!)

EverythingCounts · 09/08/2014 09:36

Isn't this exactly what middle names are for, as a back up plan? Let her use it for now if she wants to. She may well change back. No drama. She could revert to Sophia for secondary school or whenever she wants. The thing about naming her after your nan is that it's lovely for you, but it's her name now and she needs to own it.

travelswithtea · 09/08/2014 09:39

Isn't part of the point of a middle name that it is also your name, so you can use as you wish? Even at age 5?

travelswithtea · 09/08/2014 09:40

Isn't part of the point of a middle name that it is also your name, so you can use as you wish? Even at age 5?

travelswithtea · 09/08/2014 09:41

Sorry, double post! Stupid phone. Grumbles.

WildFlowersAttractBees · 09/08/2014 09:42

My mum has always used her middle name. She only receives official post etc with her first name and sometimes takes a second to realise she has been called at hospital appointments. The dentist, GP etc use her middle name too.

Hakluyt · 09/08/2014 09:45

I can't understand why there is the slightest difficulty with going along with her wishes. Just because she's only 5 doesn't mean she can't have strong feelings about things. It isn't a big deal at all.

travelswithtea · 09/08/2014 09:49

Sorry everythingcounts ! Only just refreshed to see you posted exactly the same comment just before I did. Doh! Clearly not my morning. As you were.

lucyintheskywithdinos · 09/08/2014 09:50

My Gran introduced herself as her middle name on her first day of school and stuck with it for the rest of her life!

I changed my name because I hated having the same name as so many others. Actually, I switched to an older version of my name, I was given the more modern form of my great grandmother's name. I switched to my GG's actual name.

Anyway, my opinion is that you should let her use her middle name. Chances are that she will change her mind again (although not necessarily to Sophia though).

ContentedSidewinder · 09/08/2014 09:58

Bless you, you are probably finding it hard as you have put a lot of thought into her name and by rejecting the name you chose she is hurting you.

My own name was changed by deed poll eventually. I was lucky in a way that I had parental support. They chose my names on a whim so weren't attached to them, and by 6 I had changed it to something else. I had books that had those library cards in that say this book belongs to ..... and I definitely had a different name!

Both my parents called me by a different pet name and they had nothing to do with my birth name and the fact that I had 2 names was weird.

Fast forward to today, very rarely will somebody call me by my original name and that person is usually in their 70s or 80s because they knew my Mum and I don't live in my home town. School were reluctant to change it (these were the same people who made me sit on my left hand and forced me to be right handed)

I would let her call herself what she wants. It is her identity. Schools are usually very accommodating. My friend's daughter has her Dad's surname and although she has regular contact with him she often uses her Mum's new married name on her work in school.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 09/08/2014 10:13

My sister went through a stage at the same age where she wouldn't answer to anything apart from Rosie, that isn't her name Grin Perhaps just let your DD pick a name she likes and in a few months/years she will grow out of it and want to be called Sophia again, which is lovely btw.

HighFiveThenSquidAway · 09/08/2014 10:26

At 5 I decided I didn't like the shortened version of my name my family were using, and after lots of upset was allowed to choose my own short version.

31 years later I still feel the same :)

DeWee · 09/08/2014 13:37

Ds decided in reception that he'd like to be called Sam. Upon investigation I discovered he thought this was the easiest name to write. Grin

Isn't there a story about C S Lewis, that when he was about 3 or 4 he went up to his mum and said "he is Jacksie" and pointed to himself. From then on he refused to answer to anything except Jack, and what he was known as as an adult.

MrsTeeTotal · 09/08/2014 13:44

^ I agree with BothofYou.

My daughter is called Sophia (so I think it's a beautiful name, but that's not the point). Her sister, my other daughter calls her Phia or fifi. Personally I think she is too young to make a decision on this and let's face it, who gets to choose their own name - nobody!

Delphiniumsblue · 09/08/2014 17:00

But Margaret is her name- she isn't choosing a random one. You can tell her to wait a while, to see if she feels the same, but if she doesn't feel differently in a few years time you will have to go with her preference. Parents don't have control for long- the person with the name does.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 09/08/2014 17:14

I think you need to respect her feelings, but it is a big deal to change the name you are known by at school etc so she needs to know she can't keep chopping and changing.

Sorry to hear your mum is so ill BTW, that must make the whole thing worse.

I sympathise a bit, my middle name is my grandmother's name and I hate it, I don't acknowledge it at all except in passports etc. I feel a bit disloyal to my parents who chose it and to my grandmother too, but I can't help the fact that I dislike the name so much.