Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my daughter hates her name Sophia as too common and wants to change it

162 replies

wills1939 · 08/08/2014 19:08

Hi

My daughter is five years old and wants to change her name. She hates her name because everyone is called Sophia. she has a point but I didn't call her It because was popular but because it was my grandmother's name. I understand why she hates it. There are three in her class, two In her swimming class, one newly born cousin and my my friend's dog.

She has already started telling everyone her name Is Margaret (her middle name after my other grandmother). When I told her that I loved her name etc and it suited her, she cried and told me that she was fed up of being the same as everyone else and would rather an ugly name than a pretty, boring one.

At the moment, I have refused. Am I being unreasonable? She us nit a drama queen or anything. generally she us a really good girl she us just really upset about being called Sophia. But I really loved my nan.

OP posts:
Original poster
wills1939 · 08/08/2014 23:36

Sorry stilla. so oversensitive at the moment. Really sorry thanks everyone for your kindness. sorry for bothering you all. think I feel a lot vetted about It now xx

OP posts:
TamzinGrey · 08/08/2014 23:38

I hated my name when I was 5. Carried on hating it years and used to insist on being called other names at regular intervals. I also used to wish that I was a horse.

Love my name now.

dailygrowl · 08/08/2014 23:39

She could use Margaret in school for now as it's her official middle name (teachers might even be relieved); a few of my colleagues and one classmates only ever went by their middle names. I think you can only use a name you feel comfortable with - if it feels too strange calling her Margaret you could just stick to a term of endearment or a nickname eg "sweetheart", "darling", "love", "Soph", "Fee", "Fi" for a while. We do have children in our extended family who are only called by a term of endearment - even when they are being scolded Grin. Seems to work! PS if it's any consolation in my DS's year 2 little girls share the same name: first name AND surname (and it isn't a "common" first name either). One gets the short version; the other gets the formal version. Both seem happy enough!

temporaryusername · 08/08/2014 23:44

I don't think changing a name at five is a good idea. Tell her that if when she is older she still dislikes her name you could think about changing it, and for now if she wants to she can go by a nickname like Fi, or Margaret (if she doesn't like that perhaps a nickname for it like Meg). I used to say I didn't like my name apparently, I can't remember if I meant it or not but I like it now.

I'm sorry about your mum, would it help to remember that your daughter doesn't mean anything by it? It isn't personal towards your grandmother, your daughter just doesn't realise the connection is has for you. I think that is just bad timing.

CafeAuLaitMerci · 08/08/2014 23:49

I wouldn't let her change it - I'd just do that 'Oh don't you , that's a shame (she has been heard), now what are we going to have for lunch' until she drops it.

It's this now, it'll be something else in 5 minutes time.

She's FIVE, which in my opinion is far too young to be allowed to change her name. I think most of us wanted to change our name at some time or another didn't we? I know I did. However, I love my name now and can't imagine being called any of the other things I wanted to be called at the time!

You wouldn't let her stay up all night
You wouldn't let her get drunk.
You wouldn't let her smoke, go into town on her own, ride her bike on the motorway...or a million other things, why would you let her dictate what she will be called? She's 5.

CafeAuLaitMerci · 08/08/2014 23:56

I meant to say that I'm sorry your Mum is ill :( It's really hard isn't it.

I think you are taking your DD's typical 5yo behaviour too seriously because of the meaning it has for you, losing your Nan & your Mum being ill... treat it as though she said she hates being a human and wants to be a dog 'Yes dear, I know you feel that way, never mind. let's do some colouring it'. Hear her, acknowledge how she feels and move on. You are only considering this because it's something you 'could' change if you wanted to - unlike making her a dog!

TedAndEd · 09/08/2014 00:46

Yes let her use Margaret! It is her middle name and your other grandmother's so there is that connection as well.

Though I suspect Margaret will become more popular in the next 10 years so she may revert back to Sophia in time ;)

microcosmia · 09/08/2014 00:48

It's a beautiful name. Maybe tell her it means wisdom.I know 2 kids whose parents made up original names for them. Both kids hate the fact there's no one else famous or not with their name. Five is very young to feel this strongly though. Tell her about the grand she's named after how special she was or whatever it may help.

PatSharpesfabulousmullet · 09/08/2014 00:50

Just a thought, is there a cute initial she could use, such as s.surname or m.surname? I gave my daughter a very girly and unusual first name, but remembering my own tom-boy phases when I hated my own traditional girly name, she has the option of using t.j as a combination of her first and middle initials. She is 8 now and actually really suits her name and loves it, she also likes t.j as a nickname at home. My middle daughter has a double barreled first name but chooses only to use the first name and treats the second as a middle name, which I'm fine with as I feel it is her name so her choice. I do feel for you in your current situation x

Rainbunny · 09/08/2014 02:04

She isn't trying to offend you, she just has her own feelings about her name and her identity. You named her for your own special reasons which I understand, but she shouldn't be burdened by those reasons if she really doesn't like her name. Your daughter sounds quite intelligent to me; she clearly wants to have her own identity. I knew several people in my school who went by their middle names, no one thought anything of it. No need to officially change it, but if it was me I would let it go and see if she still prefers it after a while.

FWIW I think Sophia is a lovely name and I was planning for years to call my daughter that name, then my girlfriends beat me to it in the baby department and I now know several little Sophia's LOl. Along with Olivia it seems to be the most popular name recently in my neck of the woods. Margaret is lovely too though IMHO.

NoodleOodle · 09/08/2014 02:51

I would let her use Margaret. It's not even the true name change imo either, as it is still in name you gave her. Why give it to her if you don't want her to use it?

I hated my name all of my life, wasn't allowed to change it, finally did at about 30, which most people just accepted, apart from my mum who has taken it very personally, even though she changed her name in her 30s!

Hakluyt · 09/08/2014 07:10

The people who are saying she's too young-why? What harm could possibly be done by her deciding she wants to be called by her second name for a while? Why shouldn't she use the name she likes? She might change back - she might not. It's her name, after all!

doziedoozie · 09/08/2014 07:18

Might you move to another part of the country/ world in the future? Popularity varies.

What about a nice photo of her DGGM so she can tell people why she has the name.

Can she call herself Sophia-Margaret (if that's her middle name) that sounds lovely to me.

I think 5 is a bit young to know that you really need to change it.

burgatroyd · 09/08/2014 07:22

Sophia is a beautiful name.

That said it often gets confused with Sophie and combined with that and the spelling Sofia is ubiquitous.

I agree with poster who says don't underestimate your daughters will.

I changed Dd2 name but within first year.

As she is five you'd have to do it by deedooll which is very straight forward. Once you change her passport she'll use her passport in adult life for 99 percent of ID.

Perhaps give it a trail run. Six months of her being known by whatever name she chooses. It doesn't have to be Margaret. You both could look at name books together. The deal is though that you have to pick one and stick by it otpr the deal is off.

If she chooses this name she should have it as her chosen name at school during trail run.

Then change it officially. Its only a big deal if you make it one. Other parents will find it interesting if you explain. I didn't have any nasty comments when I changed dd2 name as I just said it matter of fact.

I am with your daughter on this one.

However neither of you are being unreasonable.

SanityClause · 09/08/2014 07:28

You have a sentimental attachment to the name, but she doesn't.

Let her call herself what she likes (within reason).

DD started calling herself a new NN loosely based on her name at about 13. I know that is older than your DD, but I don't see why my choice trumps hers. I asked her if she wanted me to call her that, too, but she was happy for me to call her by her given name - her real bugbear is being called by a different NN to the one she has chosen, which I have never used, anyway.

SanityClause · 09/08/2014 07:33

The OP wouldn't have to officially change her DD's name if she used her middle name, though, burgatroyed. I know lots of people who use a middle name (including two family members).

You just need give the name as the "preferred name" for school, and that is what she will be called.

Hakluyt · 09/08/2014 07:36

But it's just using a different name- no deed polls or big deals required.

insanityscratching · 09/08/2014 07:37

At five ds decided he would rather be called Sonic than Ben.We humoured him as did his teachers, I still have his school books from that year, we laugh at all the "Good work Sonic" comments. It took a whole year before he changed it back again, two years later he got a nickname that he's known by to this day (25 now) He only uses Ben at work and I use it occasionally when I forget myself.

Delphiniumsblue · 09/08/2014 07:39

I would just let her because the one she wants is her name. She will only do it later- as soon as she can. She can swap back at any time. It is still officially her name. Lots of people don't like their parent's choice and the beauty of a second name is you have an alternative.

treadheavily · 09/08/2014 07:45

At 5 my son went on and on about changing his name. After about 6 months I said ok and they changed it on the roll at school. So far it has been 8 months and he is firmly known by his new name at school, on his reports etc. I still slip up at times but he says it is ok that family still call him by his old name.
Haven't changed it by deed poll, thought I'd just see how it goes.
He is really happy about his new name and I love that he has such a strong sense of self.

perrinelli · 09/08/2014 07:47

I have a friend who was given a really unusual name, at quite a young age (can't remember what) she told her mum she wanted to change it to a particular name which was/is v common and classic name. Now as an adult she wishes her mum hadn't listened to her and hadn't let her change it.

Hakluyt · 09/08/2014 07:51

My brother's step children all changed their "unique" names before they went to secondary school. They refused to go otherwise!

But this is just a little girl wanting to be called a different name. Not need to talk about deed polls or anything.

moldingsunbeams · 09/08/2014 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Homebirthquestion · 09/08/2014 08:09

On the plus side, I predict she's bang on trend with Margaret.

pukkabo · 09/08/2014 08:10

Oh Sophia is lovely. I only knew one Sofia at school, didn't realise it became common...

I changed my name every other week as a child. I spent an entire holiday one year in Tenerife telling my new friends I met there I was called Lindsay and my DF had to go along with it Grin. But that was different in that I didn't hate my actual name, I just liked taking on different roles and being a bit of a fantasist drama queen.

I like the idea of Fifi as a nickname, that's super cute. Personally I'd ride it out, I'm almost certain that by her teens she's not going to want to be called Margaret. If she wants to be called that for now then let her, maybe shorten it if she wants to any one of the many variants that still make no sense to me- Margaret= Peggy? Confused She'll most likely grow out of it.