Breastfeeding on Cross Country trains - a horrid experiance

[Paulala]

Hello ladies, I'm a first time poster & a first time mum so apologies if I introduce myself by way of a horrid experience but I'd like to know if you think I'm being unreasonable.

I've just taken my first train journey with my 7 month old boy, we were travelling alone to Derby with everything we needed for a week on a Cross Country train. Everything was going ok until we returned to our seat from a nappy change. The nappy change itself was quite upsetting for him, being strapped to a table in a moving urine soaked metal cubical isn't very pleasant, but I hadn't expected a lot from the facilities.

I intended to give him a breastfeed at our seat but when we got there the seat beside us was occupied (we were in a set on 2 seats not a table of 4). I asked the man sitting in the seat if it would be possible for him to move to one of the single vacant seats 3 rows up just while I breastfed so I could have a little bit of privacy. He said No & stated that was the seat he was allocated why should he move.

I asked him again saying my baby needed to be fed, he was hungry & distressed & there were empty seats in view he could use. He said I should move there instead, this really wouldn't have helped as they were single aisle seats & would have meant I'd have to feed even more publicly. I was so upset I asked him if he expected me to breastfeed in the seat beside him with him watching & he just shrugged his shoulders.

At this point everyone close by was aware of the situation & I'm still standing in the aisle with an upset baby, this man hasn't even got up to allow us to sit down. The ticket inspector then arrives & I explain to him that the man in the seat beside us is causing a lot of distress with his insistence on sitting there while I breastfed. Anyone who's traveled by train will know neighbouring seats offer no prospect of personal space.

I fully understand his right to the seat he booked but both he & I could see other seats he could have taken until I stopped feeding then he could have returned to the seat he booked when we finished. I'm sure many men would have been totally ok with doing that. Instead he was nasty & snarly & the thought of him watching me feed my baby in such a tight space was horrible. I had no option but to ask the ticket inspector to help me find another seat & to help me move all my things, we would also need the assistant at Derby station to be made aware we'd be on another carriage. All because this man would not move 3 rows up.

Still seating stubbornly in his seat the man recognised how upset he'd made me & stated loudly to everyone, right I'll move & asked the guard what he was going to do about it. The guard then said we'll sit you in first class sir don't worry about it you will be ok there. I couldn't believe it he'd made me suffer through a very public request to breastfeed privately (or as private as I could be) he'd initially insisted he would not move while I did so & left me feeling like I shouldn't be breastfeeding on a train, all while I stood with a distressed baby in a moving carriage while everyone watched. When the man eventually moved I sat & fed my baby & cried it was the worst breastfeeding experience I've ever had.

I have to travel back next week with the same train company & I'm dreading it, I can't express milk & I'm really worried something similar will happen again. I think trains should have a breastfeeding policy which recognises a womans need for privacy and a bit of respect. Not a system where men are rewarded for making women feel bad about the need to feed their babies. Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

Cheers ladies,
Paula

You don't travel on trains much do you, Summer?

You'd be ashamed? Really? Perhaps you could leap out of your seat, whilst your husband struggled with his superhero cape...

This thread is bonkers...

sweetsummer but it's ok for the OP to call the man a pervert and mysogenist is it as I notice that you have quoted various points staring how wrong the man was but not pointed out how horrible those accusations are?.

• hope you're proud of yourself and that nobody ever accuses your own partner of similar)

Thankfully my DH does not talk to ladies breasts as some men do.

My DH would have also jumped up as soon as he saw her...

I know op has flounced, but I do think she was unreasonable to ask the man to move. She should have moved herself or just got on with it. I have a similar age bub and I would have just got on with it, the fellow probably wouldn't have noticed. I imagine he felt quite embarrassed by the request.

How do you know sweet are you with him 24/7.

Yes some men may do but some women also believe that the world revolvescaround them.

It's also funny how that but of the 'story' was only introduced when the OP saw that the vast majority if the posters disagreed with her.

What would you have done if the train was completely full?

it wasn't full.

I think you made an unnecessary drama out of it.

it sounds like the OP made a bit of drama out of it, but you have to be a serious arse not to move if there are free seats. he doesn't have to move of course, but I don't have to get up on the tube if a pregnant woman is standing in uncomfortably either. But I do.

Oh yes the poor ickle little train companies who try their best to give us the most expensive and over crowded appalling rail service in all of Europe

Train companies are shit. Where have I said they aren't? Do you think they will become better if anyone who fancies an extra seat or a little private room to themselves can have one? You want two seats, you pay for two seats. It's not hard. You want a private room then go on the sleeper but make sure you don't be tight and only pay for one bunk then complain that there's someone in the other one.

What theageisfullsaid. Not unreasonable to see if he minded moving, not even unreasonable to feel a bit miffed that he wouldn't. Very unreasonable to call him a perv, make a big scene involving the train conductor and come on here to moan about being made to suffer (if it's real of course).

Conductor: 'Tickets, please...'
Breast feeding mother : 'Excuse me, I'm going to need to feed my baby in half an hour - would it be possible for me to nip into First Class to do it? I probably won't be longer than [however long it takes to feed a baby minus about ten minutes].'
Conductor: 'If there's room, that shouldn't be a problem, madam.'
BF M : 'Thanks, that's really helpful.'

Fin.

superhero cape

Wow its such a big deal to you, to get out of seat its not being conferred to super hero status, getting out a seat really is a big deal to some of you isn't it!

• calonwyn Fri 08-Aug-14 11:56:19

Lets hope she does this next time

No it isn't but it shouldn't be expected nor should someone be called seriously horrible names because they didn't.

And actually for me due to circumstances it would be a bid deal!

but I don't have to get up on the tube if a pregnant woman is standing in uncomfortably either. But I do

You do written as do I but I think we know who all the others out who do not are.....

No one has said they wouldn't sweet!!!!

SweetPea -Blame the government that broke up the railways into so many different companies, and separated the train-operators from the track-operators. And generations of nationalised under-investment before then - and the very considerable length of time and vast sums of money it takes to renew track and build new carriages to make present-day journeys better.

I travel a lot by train in the country and in Europe; European trains are indeed much better but some of the new London to Scotland trains are very good indeed. It can be done here, but it does take time.

But, to repeat myself, you have to be properly organised to get the best out of public transport. It helps if you try to feel (and act public-spirited), as well ...

earth

I could not have married the kind of man who will not help a lady struggling with a very small baby.

Yes some men may do but some women also believe that the world revolvescaround them. I don't think op thought that, just that she could do with some help in difficult circs...

'but I don't have to get up on the tube if a pregnant woman is standing in uncomfortably either. But I do'

And then you sit down again whilst the fat lady screams at you for humiliating her?

The man was a pervert & a misogynist who clearly got off on belittling me infront of the carriage

Nahhhh, your just making that bit up because you didn't get your own way. Have you called the Daily Mail yet? Make sure you practice your "sad / outraged / miserable cow" face?

Well Paula if you're still reading you know what to do next week, either pay up for two seats or ask if you can nip into First and feed him there, no need to dread the return journey.

Job done.

If there were other free seats and you wanted more room or privacy then you were the one you should've done so.

I think she said that the other free seats were singles.

I am a bit baffled at everyone saying how simple it is to book seats or pay for extra seats.
Every paying passenger on the train pays for a seat, you don't get a refund if the train is full and you have to stand for the whole journey. The OP could pay for a carriage full of seats but other paying passengers could come along and sit in them.
Same with booking seats, every single time I have booked there has been a disclaimer, small print or condition saying something along the lines of booking does not guarantee you actually get the seat. BIL booked a seat for his bag and got arsey and eventually escorted off the train when the guard told him to move it so an old lady could sit down.