To feel uneasy about a neighbour?

[lbsjob87]

We've been in our house 12 years, and next door on one side is a single guy in his 60s who has lived there all his life.
He is quite lonely - from conversations had over the years we know he was his mother's carer for 20-odd years then when she died 9 years ago he was at a bit of a loose end.
He rarely sees his family -my OH used to work with his niece and she said they are all very busy etc - typical sad lonely pensioner story. She also suggested that he has what would now be classed as a form of Aspergers, and his family find him a bit "weird".
We try to be friendly and keep an eye out for him but he has no concept of personal space. If we say hello, his eyes light up and we end up talking for up to an hour about literally nothing of note - mashed potato or traffic lights, over and over. We have suggested clubs etc, but he isn't interested.
Our back doors are opposite each other (either side of a fence) so if we open ours, he can see it.
without fail, if we go out to put washing out, whatever, he goes into his garden, and starts a conversation. We can't exactly ignore him, so we now wait till we see he has gone to the shop to go out there. So we, perhaps shamefully, try to avoid him.
Our garden used to be lovely but now is a mess because I won't go out there for any time - I feel like I'm being spied on.
But now I'm starting to feel uneasy about him.
Several years ago, our shed was broken into, so we built a 7ft fence between us and him (also to block him out).
He has built a set of steps so he can see over it for a chat.
His neighbour the other side has a high fence too, but we're on a hill so it's lower our side.
Now my DD is 5, she is old enough to play out there alone, as it's enclosed.
But the other day I heard her speaking to someone - he was talking to her over the fence about school and her baby brother.
She happily chats to him, but I feel it was an inappropriate thing to do.
I don't want to out and out accuse him of being a pervert, and DD knows she mustn't speak to strangers but obviously in her eyes he's not.
He can't get to her at all, and there is absolutely no evidence at all that he is anything other than a lonely old man enjoying the chance for a conversation, but AIBU to just not feel right about this?
And what do I do about it?

Her comments about perverts were actually incredibly offensive and, based on the fact that she clearly has no foundation for those suggestions whatsoever, were the reason people were responding as they did.

'He is on his own and talks too much and might have SN so therefore my daughter might be at risk' is offensive whether he has a formal diagnosis or not.

And if it wasn't relevant and is a red herring then the op shoukdn't have made that the thrust of her op.

But he might be a danger pagwatch, how can any of us - know?

We don't actually know what peoples sexual preferences are.

We do know, however children are most likely to be abused by people close to them, than total strangers.

we should all be vigilant. the most un likely people can be abusers.

Not really Pag, he has built special steps to gain access to seeing into her garden.

There's been speak of the law of the land and of OP's fence height, well this man IS breaking the law. He is stalking

Agree womble.

And it was mentioned earlier she has been talking to him for TEN YEARS.....

She is not heartless.

And she has tried to get him to clubs.

Oh, but he has suspected SN so he can break whatever laws he likes and to FUCK with other people's rights, apparently. Get over yourselves.

After reading over 300 posts you have reached this conclusion womble? You sound SO angry about this!

Pagwatch who were the comments offensive to? WHY can't a woman or a man be nervous of strangers and he IS a stranger despite people saying that he's been her ndn for over 10 years. She doesn't KNOW him does she?

I will be suspicious of who I bloody well want to! And we all have that right.

I'm not talking torches at midnight and chasing innocent people but parents have the right to keep their children away from those they're not familiar with IF THEY WANT TO.

It is incredibly unlikely that the socially awkward neighbour who has not, as far as I can see, done anything other than chat over the fence, is in anyway a danger.
Statistically the danger to your average 5 year old child is in the home.

I swear, some of you think the world revolves around you

Another thread is raging, raging with outrage because a first time mother, on a train with a 7 month old baby, asked a man to move so she could feed her baby. She is an entitled princess apparently and has committed an outrageous act. And this man has every right to his.......seat.

However, this op...has no right to her garden, no right to feel comfortable in her own space outside....and she is a nasty person becasue she simply wants her garden to be as private as can be, her whole bloody garden!!!

Nonetheless if she feels uncomfortable then it's advisable that she listen to her instincts.

She built up the fence several years ago, so it doesn't sound like the stairs are a recent development as this has been going on for quite awhile. The OP admits that she has had long chats with him, so he may consider her a friend or acquaintance. She's giving him mixed signals and then getting pissed off that he can't read her mind.

And again, I ask.. what in god's name do people think an elderly man is going to do to a supervised 5yo over a 7 ft fence?!?!

If you really need an illustration of what it is offensive to suggest that just because someone is socially awkward they can legitimately be regarded as dangerous then I'm not sure I can help. Because I can't really construct a sentence with words small enough.

Wombles..overreacting much?

Not calling someone a paedophile is slightly different to becoming a 24 hour carer for them.

Hth

I am afraid Pagwatch after reading the - These ere peadophile MP's thread I would not put anything past anyone.

Sweet I mentioned another thread where a poster would not get into a lift with a man because "she felt uncomfortable" as he made some clumsy chatter to her.

She went on to describe how he then swore nastily at her and she was CONGRATULATED for following her instincts! Bloody ridiculous this thread. The righteous indignation is awful.

Oh god, the instincts thing again....

Yes, she should embrace her prejudices. Because that's her right.

Anyway no need to be so rude wombles. Have a cup of tea.

As the OP's neighbour isn't an MP (assuming, of course), then surely that's hardly relevant.

sweet you shouldn't be bringing other threads into this one! Two completely differing circumstances.

Both of which however have resulted in the OPs calling the men vile uncalled for names which you seem to think is ok.

Pagwatch I refer you to my last comment. Re the lift thread. Where a man AWKWARDLY began a convo with a woman. She felt enough discomfort to not get in the lift with him and...ooer she was right! AND she was congratulated on her instincts.

Not seeing righteous indignation.

More some angry rude ranting posters supporting OP and misquoting people.

I see more rudeness from other quarters.

yes, let's all just function on instincts all the time. Wouldn't the world be a lovely place then.

I can think of something I would "instinctively" like to say.. however MN rules state that I cannot. So I won't. See? Instinct is not always the best way.

But he might be a danger pagwatch, how can any of us - know?

And the OPs may be exaggerating how do you know