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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to be a guarantor to a loan that DW's friend and husband want to take out.

271 replies

BreakingDad77 · 07/08/2014 12:11

I am aware they are not good with money (Im not amazing but are not anywhere near CCJ/default) and already have court collections on money they own. They need this to bridge the time till the DW friend goes back to work after maternity leave, supposedly they are short for rent and need 5-6k.

DW says we not at risk but I have told her that I believe that say they default then they would come after us and because we wouldn't be able to manage that extra then it would get put on our house.

I dont like the idea of money between friends like this.

OP posts:
Deverethemuzzler · 07/08/2014 17:47

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NO!

LittleBearPad · 07/08/2014 17:47

Optomist it's probably a guarantor for a personal loan to spend willy nilly tide them over.

Freyathecatt · 07/08/2014 17:48

I think the consensus is no.

UncleT · 07/08/2014 17:50

Actually, the consensus is not just no, but no fucking way, ever!

LineRunner · 07/08/2014 17:51

Why is your wife being so delusional over this, do you think?

StackladysMorphicResonator · 07/08/2014 17:52

What everyone else has said. No flipping way! Don't do it!

Optimist1 · 07/08/2014 17:53

Thanks, LittleBear - in Optimist World these things don't happen!!

FatherReboolaConundrum · 07/08/2014 17:53

I don't there's ever been 100% agreement on an aibu thread before! OP, this must tell you something about the idea...

JimBobplusasprog · 07/08/2014 17:58

Can you afford to give them £50 they don't have to pay back? Or £100 or £500.

If a really really good friend was in need I would give them what I could afford to give. But if it was a casual acquaintance from tumble tots I'd give them the details for debt management charities and the cab.

You would be crazy to agree to this if you don't have £5k to throw away. And frankly if you have got that money to throw away I can think of better things to throw it at.

Mitzimaybe · 07/08/2014 18:06

If it were the other way round, would you ask them? I doubt it. Just like everyone else has said - DON'T DO IT. It is 99.999999999% certain to end up with them defaulting and you getting into financial trouble over it. It's not just the loan, it's the interest on the loan, and then there will be recovery charges; it could end up being a lot more than £6k which they will come to you for. You could end up with a CCJ yourself, and your credit status damaged long term.

Like others have said, if you can afford to lend them £6k (whilst understanding that you might not get it back) then it would be far better just to loan it directly. If you stand guarantor then you're effectively doing that, but with worse consequences for you if they default.

Maybe you should give them some contraceptive advice instead. I know I'm going to get shot down in flames for this, but if they are in so much financial difficulty then it's a bit irresponsible adding a baby into the mix. Children don't come cheap and they shouldn't just expect other people to pay for them.

HawthornLantern · 07/08/2014 18:07

If the bank will not lend money without having a guarantor on the hook for the debt, ask yourself why you are happy to be that "hook".

The bank will pursue the guarantee if these friends default.

I agree with other posters that although it might be interesting to know why your wife thinks there is no risk here, the really important point is for your wife to understand that the answer is "no."

It is not that either of you need to be unsympathetic but you have to say no because you would be opening a can of worms you would have absolutely no control over.

These people are acquaintances not close family or friends - your emotional ties are weak at best and your knowledge of their real financial situation - eg what other debts they may have, how able to pay they really are and how willing to pay they are - is almost zero. And the very little that you do know is that they have a poor history with debt. This is not a situation to even think of being a guarantor.

cricketpitch · 07/08/2014 18:08

In a professional capacity I had to go after the brother of someone who owed money. It was terrible. The brother lived in Northumberland, the guy who owed the money had set up a business in London. He was a good guy, a nice guy but his business went under, he wasn't paid on a big job he had done, he didn't know what to do, he didn't tell his brother - he just went to America.

I still remember the shock and the sickening realisation that the brother felt when I told him he had to find £15k. He had no idea that he would now be pursued by the debt collectors and no idea that his lovely brother had got in to such a mess. He just thought the guarantee was a sort of glorified character reference. Horrible. Be warned.

Blueuggboots · 07/08/2014 19:13

Mitzimaybe, I agree! I did wonder what on earth they were doing bringing a baby into this mess!
Whilst I appreciate there is never a good time to have a baby financially.......still??!Shock

Fluffyears · 07/08/2014 19:40

She probably realised your wife was kind so preyed on her nice nature. Imagine the stress every month hoping they pay up. They have financial difficulties and a loan will not ease these it will make it worse. Say no, give them an excuse about joy being credit worthy if need be but do not touch with a very very long bargepole!

Bearbehind · 07/08/2014 19:43

Is anyone else wondering if this was actually a reverse AIBU to test the water which is why the OP has been so quiet..............???

Cyclebump · 07/08/2014 19:45

I have been your DW's friend (ie, totally skint, in a horrible situation and really desperate). We were lucky in that a friend lent us rent for a month. However, I was selling a flat and had a completion date looming and she offered as they could have afforded or us never to have paid them back and they said they were ok with that if it all went tits up.

I would never have asked them to sign as guarantors on a loan, that's far more of a commitment.

ouryve · 07/08/2014 19:46

YANBU.

You'd be a mug to do it.

phantomnamechanger · 07/08/2014 19:57

Of course I echo the vast sea of "NOs" from everyone else.
I don't even understand how someone has the sheer balls to ask this of a virtual stranger. Either they are planning on defaulting and do not give a damn, or they are extremely deluded about their chances of paying back the loan. I would not be at all surprised if they had seen your DW as a soft touch and have tried to reassure her its just "like acting as a referee" or something else really playing it down, and banking on her not reading the small print.
As for the PP with family members who have not repaid a loan and yet still afford holidays and building work - WTF! What does the wider family think of this dreadful entitled behaviour? Do you see them at gatherings? Do you keep asking for it back? Do you exchange xmas gifts? My mind boggles at someone having the brass neck to behave that way, happily spending their money as they wish when they owe £££ to someone else!

flyingtrue · 07/08/2014 20:31

Don't do this unless you want to end up in shit loads of stress and debt when they default, and they are very likely to, and get into trouble.

ICanSeeTheSun · 07/08/2014 20:34

Never borrow out what you can not afford to loose.

RainbowB7 · 07/08/2014 20:48

Echoing everyone else... It would be a no with bells on from me! What a pair of chancers. They will default and you will be on the hook with interest to boot.

Finney2 · 07/08/2014 20:57

If a loan company / bank that is making millions and can easily afford to lose 6k won't even take a risk on them, then why on earth would you? I presume you're not rich.

Also, if you can afford to,stay on mat leave, you go back to work. If the choice for them is 'being out on the streets' or going back to work early, and they choose 'being out on the streets', then that tells you all you need to know about how responsible they are with money.

If they're asking you, who they clearly don't know very well, to act as guarantor, then how many other closer frien / family do you think they've asked first? Or worse still, have already been guarantor for existing loans.

Don't do this in a million years. Show your wife this thread.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 07/08/2014 20:59

"If they're asking you, who they clearly don't know very well, to act as guarantor, then how many other closer frien / family do you think they've asked first? Or worse still, have already been guarantor for existing loans."

This.

aquashiv · 07/08/2014 21:02

The first line in your Op is your view.

CerealMom · 07/08/2014 21:09

If your wife really wants to help her friend, she should direct them here...

www.stepchange.org/

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