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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to be a guarantor to a loan that DW's friend and husband want to take out.

271 replies

BreakingDad77 · 07/08/2014 12:11

I am aware they are not good with money (Im not amazing but are not anywhere near CCJ/default) and already have court collections on money they own. They need this to bridge the time till the DW friend goes back to work after maternity leave, supposedly they are short for rent and need 5-6k.

DW says we not at risk but I have told her that I believe that say they default then they would come after us and because we wouldn't be able to manage that extra then it would get put on our house.

I dont like the idea of money between friends like this.

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 07/08/2014 16:58

I think this is definitely one of those cases where it would be a good idea to show your DW this thread so that she can see the collective mumsnet opinion for herself!

VelvetEmbers · 07/08/2014 16:59

We stood guarantor for DS1 when he bought his first car. What we didn't know was that when they do a credit check if you need to borrow money yourself later they include the outstanding loan as your debt.

Having stood guarantor for Ds1's car we were then turned down for finance for our own car a year or so later, because they said we already had too much credit Shock.

So be warned that even if you could 100% trust they were going to pay you back (which it doesn't sound like, TBH), their debt could stop you getting HP/Finance yourself until it's paid off.

Laquitar · 07/08/2014 17:06

I thought you are talking about really good friends of 20plus years.

They are not even friends! You just met them in a baby group!

Can you let me 10k? I dont like working and i fancy a holiday.

Groovee · 07/08/2014 17:09

Nope I wouldn't do it, and you need to ensure your DW doesn't do it behind your back.

IDontDoIroning · 07/08/2014 17:11

Red flags are waving all over this.
They aren't good friends in fact you hardly know them. Ask yourself why they are asking you not closer friends or family. Maybe they have done the dirty on them in the past?
Not being close friends makes it so much easier for them to stitch you up by defaulting and disappearing from your life.
You already know that they aren't good with money so why are they going to be so much more reliable now ?
Do you have a spare £6k (more actually when you include the interest) lying round you wouldn't miss and you would be happy to give them and not get paid back? Because that's what's going to happen.

Sallyingforth · 07/08/2014 17:13

How can I put this politely? You'd be a fucking idiot to agree.

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 07/08/2014 17:13

How are they going to pay you back? If they can't afford to pay an essential like rent, it must be because they simply have no available income after food/heating/servicing other debt. That's hardly going to change while one of them is on mat leave. Unless there is a coherent plan they can show you with some supporting evidence (e.g. husband is starting a second job 2 weeks after baby arrives) then the promise to pay you back is worthless. They may genuinely mean it and intend to do it, but it's very unlikely they've actually got the werewithal to do it.

This is how people get into such awful trouble-don't think, promise. Don't plan, just keep hoping something'll turn up. Keep staving off disaster but never actually change anything.

I know it is easy for us to say but maybe, like addiction, the best thing is for the crisis to come and for your wife's friends to have to make real changes.

Be clear: if you lend it, the money will be spent and they will come back to you for more. Unless you want to pay their accommodation costs for the foreseeable future, step away now.

SpicyPear · 07/08/2014 17:14

Run. For. The. Hills.

This is a terrible idea. It way above the call of friendship duty to put your personal finances on the line like that.

Cornettoninja · 07/08/2014 17:16

As another small point, if they're struggling now it's highly unlikely it'll be much different when/if she does go back to work.

If they carry on and default on their rent, although it's not ideal, they'll get into the social housing system. Long term it sounds like that's where they need to be financially. If they're not evicted it's a lot harder and lengthy.

Also - met her at baby group and she's not even finished maternity? Wtf, I would be cautious of lending the price of a cup of coffee to someone I'd known that long.

Your dw needs to understand that helping them/you get into more debt is a soggy plaster and they'll be in the same situation again once the loan money runs out.

Just tell them you can't apply for credit at the moment yourselves.

TeaAndALemonTart · 07/08/2014 17:17

Yeah, fuck that.

comingintomyown · 07/08/2014 17:20

Can't believe you didn't just laugh this out of the water

Inertia · 07/08/2014 17:26

Well, if you're in the habit of giving away 6 grand to people you barely know (because that's what this is), can I join the queue?

There's a reason they aren't asking closer friends and relatives. They'll have already fleeced everyone else 10 times over.

LL12 · 07/08/2014 17:27

No way

afterthought · 07/08/2014 17:28

I needed a guarantor once after a spell of being really bad with money. I still have debts, but my credit rating is now good. I asked my mum to be the guarantor and she agreed as she knew how much my circumstances had changed. She then decided however that she would rather take it out in her name and me give her the money each month so at least if I didn't pay she wouldn't have people coming after her. There was no question about me not paying but it made her feel better. I would never have dreamed of asking a friend!

Vitalstatistix · 07/08/2014 17:29

The only question is w8uld you be happy to pay back the money for them?
iF the answer is no - dont do it.
the ccjs etc they already have say that there is an issue. They have had other debts default and go all the way to court - what makes you think they wont do it again, this time leaving their creditor knocking at your door?
they may or may not intend to stiff you, who can say? They may be thoroughly decent people who will faithfully make every payment.
or they may stop paying. They may split up and each claim the other owes it. They may have a crisis and miss payments. Anything could happen. You dont know and you cant control it.
sO id say unless you would be happy to give them several grand, dont take a chance that thats exactly what you'll end up doing.

CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss · 07/08/2014 17:33

Say no and show your DW this thread if you have to. Do not do this.

AlpacaMyBags · 07/08/2014 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LightastheBreeze · 07/08/2014 17:35

Being a guarantor is something that parents do for their children's student lets at university, I had to be one for DS, not some-one they hardly know at mother and baby group.

Just say no.

Zucker · 07/08/2014 17:36

5 - 6 k is an awful lot for rent no? Sounds like they've not been paying bills for a while now and if you go guarantor you will be added to the long list of the non paid.

UncleT · 07/08/2014 17:40

Unless six grand is nothing to you, don't even think of doing it. There are red flags all over this, you'd be incredibly foolish to get involved like that. The 'not at risk' comment is plainly ridiculous.

Notfootball · 07/08/2014 17:43

With joint money and lending in this case, I believe it takes both to say yes or just one to say no. I'd definitely be saying no.

NotGoingOut17 · 07/08/2014 17:43

I cannot imagine asking anyone to act as guarantor for me other than maybe a parent. If one of my best friends who I have known for years asked me this, I would consider it but I don't think I could put my name to this for many people.

I could understand people asking in desperation - but most people make these kind of requests I would have thought, if at all, amongst their closest friends and family. I cannot imagine why they think it's appropriate to ask people they have an acquaintance with, in fact, I would worry if it is a scam.

Maybe the fact they are asking you rather than their closest friends is because it would be easier to deal with the upset if they can't (or won't) pay it back?

It's a ridiculous cheek to ask of an acquaintance. Not only would I decline their request, but I would advise your wife to reconsider this friendship - because most friends don't ask this of friends, certainly not when their friendship is not particularly close.

Optimist1 · 07/08/2014 17:45

What I don't quite understand is why they need a guarantor? If they're already in the property then they have already made an agreement with the landlord to pay the rent. If they are hoping to move to a new property then they need to adjust their expectations to something they can afford!

2rebecca · 07/08/2014 17:46

6k is a huge amount of rent to owe. If she can help repay it by going back to work then why is she dragging out her maty leave and not back already?
I would say no as I don't see you seeing the money again. She may have to downsize her flat or go and stay with her parents until she gets her act together. I doubt that 6k is the only money she owes and if she's that poor with money if you do get it back it will be very slowly as she obviously lives beyond her means.

LittleBearPad · 07/08/2014 17:46

How can she have mixed up her dates to the tune of £5-6k. Standard mat leave is that she has to give two months notice of return to work. A part time assistant in a school isn't going to be paid £2-3k a month which their supposed borrowing requirement suggests. 'Tis bollocks. Run!

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