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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to be a guarantor to a loan that DW's friend and husband want to take out.

271 replies

BreakingDad77 · 07/08/2014 12:11

I am aware they are not good with money (Im not amazing but are not anywhere near CCJ/default) and already have court collections on money they own. They need this to bridge the time till the DW friend goes back to work after maternity leave, supposedly they are short for rent and need 5-6k.

DW says we not at risk but I have told her that I believe that say they default then they would come after us and because we wouldn't be able to manage that extra then it would get put on our house.

I dont like the idea of money between friends like this.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 08/08/2014 20:21

Your granny being targeted by scammers is a bit different chiana, if someone was trying to con her out of money, it's likely to come straight from her account and her bank could be warned to look out for it.

In this situation it is virtually 100% guaranteed the loan would not be through her bank but some pond life finance house and her bank would know nothing about it.

Chiana · 08/08/2014 20:31

Good point, BearBehind.

pluCaChange · 08/08/2014 20:36

Do loan guarantees show up on Equifax/ Experian reports? If so, you could and should be monitoring them!

Lariflete · 08/08/2014 20:40

I agree that it is unlikely, but I don't think it is a bad idea to warn the bank if that is where the loan is taken out.

Bearbehind · 08/08/2014 20:45

I think any discussions are academic- not one person thinks this is a good idea, yet the OP hasn't vetoed it, which is why I still think this was a reverse.

MarthasHarbour · 08/08/2014 21:18

Another hell no from me. I have a very dear friend of 12 years who I wouldn't do it for given her history so def not for someone I hardly know Hmm

HalfEatenPizza · 08/08/2014 21:27

I believe a stern man to man with the husband is in order. Treaten with police for harassment. See their back in no time.

Why should you fight with your wife because of these fuckers?...

HalfEatenPizza · 08/08/2014 21:27

I believe a stern man to man with the husband is in order. Treaten with police for harassment. See their back in no time.

Why should you fight with your wife because of these fuckers?...

MiscellaneousAssortment · 08/08/2014 21:30

If she wants to help, persuade them to go to a debt management charity and take charge of their own finances.

If they are genuine, this will help far more than helping them get more money (& defaulting). If they are not, well, you can be glad that you didn't walk into a situation where virtual strangers can take £6000 of your hard earning money.

I used CAP when i realised i couldnt work myself out of debt (h left me with his huge loans and a new born baby, when i became disabled and couldnt support him any longer. He also left me injured. He was a lovely man).

Anyway, they helped with everything from working out a budget and how much I could pay back in reality, and dealing with the bank and getting them to accept a revised agreement and cut interest rates. They even brought me food, although i wasnt in wuite that much trouble, i can imagine bloodbath would have helped in the gap between the first meeting and them drawing up a new agreement.

They wanted me to go bankrupt but I felt v strongly I wanted to pay it - though in retrospect I wish I hadn't as I beggared myself and still have a screwed credit rating.

Anyway, my point is, that helped sooooo much more than friends bailing me out, although one family friend helped alot, she made it clear she wouldn't accept the money back, as she didn't believe in lending money to friends. But I had £25k in unsecured loans and credit cards (thanks so much h), so even £6k would have kept me going for another couple of months before I ended up in exactly the same situation.

CAP said that was typical, and how people get into these situations, they can never get enough money to do anything but continue living in debt and slide further down that hole.

So even 'helping' probably won't actually help them, just prolong the problem...

MiscellaneousAssortment · 08/08/2014 21:32

Oh and also, you need to get on the same page as your wife with finances... She sounds a bit of a liability to be honest. I would suggest some very serious conversations. With a mediator/ councellor if she's not hearing you.

daftbesom · 08/08/2014 21:33

I also would veto. They don't need to be scammers - just something could go wrong that they didn't expect, you would be liable to fork out £5-6K if for example they both lose their jobs, split up or whatever and can't keep up with the payments. And, as you have explained, you don't yourselves even have the money to do that.

Also noting what another poster said about guarantors not often being wanted for personal loans, are you sure it's not some kind of business thing?

But whichever - say no. Please please say no.

flyingtrue · 08/08/2014 21:49

Sounds like your wife s just as bad with finances as these two are which means deep down she knows that they will keep getting into trouble. Which makes it all the worst that she's trying to get you-and it'll b you since she's shit with credit- into debt on her/their behalf.

Just say no.

RockinHippy · 08/08/2014 23:39

YADNBU - Don't, just Don't

Watched my good friend get lumbered with 15ks worth of debt because she was conned talked into helping her long time neighbour & friend out in exactly this way - family did a moonlit flit a couple of months later - my friend had no legal come back at all & had to pay :(

CinderellaRockefeller · 09/08/2014 08:55

Is no one reading it the same way as me? If the money is going to go into your bank account then is your DW going to take out the loan, have it paid into her account and then give them the cash?

That's the only way she could be a guarantor I think.

LittlePeaPod · 09/08/2014 09:14

Cinder. You can be a guarantor without actually been the person getting the loan. But, if the person getting the loan defaults then you have to pick up the bill, so to say.

BreakingDad77 · 09/08/2014 11:17

Dw wanted to say yes to herself and then when they phone put of the lender (anigo) but I don't like that idea so have just phoned the other husband, but went to voicemail, left one saying we sorry but neither me or dw can be guarantors.

OP posts:
Gennz · 09/08/2014 11:19

God BreakingDad your wife sounds very immature. I can't believe she can't say no to these random people. I wouldn't go guarantor for my own flesh and blood.

Chiana · 09/08/2014 11:53

I agree with Gennz, your DW needs to learn how to say no. Telling people one thing to their face and then doing the opposite behind their back is pretty immature, I'm afraid.

BreakingDad77 · 09/08/2014 12:23

I am constantly stressed about money with my wife as never feel she is buying into anything I say when it comes to money. I had savings before we met but after buying house and wedding we in debt which we still not really on top of.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 09/08/2014 12:32

Your wife sounds like a lunatic where money is concerned.

I wouldn't be surprised if the shit hits the fan when they found out you're not going to guarantee the loan as it sounds like your wife has promised to do so.

They are on their arse and you looked to be giving them a way out- that's not fair (even though they should never have asked in the first place)

You might have averted a disaster in this instance but she's a ticking time bomb.

Sallyingforth · 09/08/2014 12:42

So you already have debts yourself? Sounds like you really need a court order for another 6 - 10 k!

I think you should go along with your wife next time she is due to meet this woman, and tell her yourself that there will be no money coming from either of you.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/08/2014 12:53

Firstly, well done for averting this crisis. I really like Money Saving Expert. There is a good forum with areas such as Debt Free wannabe that will help and support you with getting things back under control.

Would your DW stick to an agreed budget? i.e. If you both had a fixed amount of spending money, food money etc would she keep to it?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 09/08/2014 13:02

I really think you should go to councelling / mediation to discuss finances with your wife. This is the stuff that will destroy your marriage.

BreakingDad77 · 09/08/2014 13:04

Hi Shaz, yes have already done in excel with all our outgoings, but doesn't seem to stick to it and then I get annoyed, give her the silent treatment as otherwise just ends up a row.

OP posts:
BreakingDad77 · 09/08/2014 13:06

Cheers miscellaneous I have been thinking about that, where can you go?

OP posts:
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