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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to be a guarantor to a loan that DW's friend and husband want to take out.

271 replies

BreakingDad77 · 07/08/2014 12:11

I am aware they are not good with money (Im not amazing but are not anywhere near CCJ/default) and already have court collections on money they own. They need this to bridge the time till the DW friend goes back to work after maternity leave, supposedly they are short for rent and need 5-6k.

DW says we not at risk but I have told her that I believe that say they default then they would come after us and because we wouldn't be able to manage that extra then it would get put on our house.

I dont like the idea of money between friends like this.

OP posts:
CallMeExhausted · 07/08/2014 14:49

Adams = adamant

Bloody phone!

DidoTheDodo · 07/08/2014 14:49

Please come back OP and tell us that you have vetoed this barmy idea.

whois · 07/08/2014 14:50

DONT DO IT

You'd be a mug of the highest order. They default and then YOU become liable. Fuck that for a game of frogs.

Theres a good little rule about becoming a guarantor - can you afford to take over the liability in full, with no drop in living standard to yourself? No? Then back the fuck away.

Polyethyl · 07/08/2014 14:57

Has your wife asked you to do this daft idea? Or has your wife's friend asked you directly?

The answer is an unequivocal no. You say you can't afford to pay that money. So that means you cannot guarantee to pay it.

maddy68 · 07/08/2014 14:59

This happened to me. I just said that due to my job I wasn't allowed to get into debt so one of my conditions of service was I couldn't be a guarantor for someone else. It is partly true in fairness but not entirely really hope they aren't on mumsnet

Original poster
BreakingDad77 · 07/08/2014 15:04

Thanks everyone for your input, he seems to have a not bad job, and she works as an assistant at a school, I'm not sure if they got their return dates wrong or something but even I find that hard to believe.

I have also wondered why they have not asked their parents, I will talk to DW and try to explain a bit better what this exposes us to.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 07/08/2014 15:04

YANBU, you'd be madto do it.

Original poster
BreakingDad77 · 07/08/2014 15:07

Polyethyl - DW's friend asked wife who then asked me if we could, wife saying she 'doesn't want to see her friend and their family out on the street. She got to know her through mother and baby groups as we both have kids of similar ages, but I feel we don't really know them.

OP posts:
gertiegusset · 07/08/2014 15:16

I leant a friend £1000 this time last year, he promised I would have it back by Christmas, he's a plumber and winter is a good time of year blah blah blah.
He'd had a hard time, wife fucked off leaving him with kids and he wanted to take them away for a week or so.
So I leant him it.
Still waiting and he's off to Italy next week with his kids. Angry

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 07/08/2014 15:18

Don't do it.

If they can't afford their rent they need to either rent somewhere cheaper, go back to work from maternity leave early, claim housing benefit or take in a lodger.

Bearbehind · 07/08/2014 15:20

I will talk to DW and try to explain a bit better what this exposes us to.

Are you insane? Not one single person on here thinks it's a good idea and you want to 'explain a bit better what it exposes you to'!

Just say it's not going to happen because you're not prepared to risk potentially paying it back.

It sounds like they are more friends than acquaintances anyway.

Bearbehind · 07/08/2014 15:22

^Doh....more acquaintances than friends

ThatsNotWhatISaid · 07/08/2014 15:23

My DH has lent his brother money and despite lots of promises he has no intention of giving us our money back. It's a really horrible feeling.

My BIL and wife had a fancy wedding and ran out of cash and asked us for money. They promised to our faces to pay it back. They didn't. They did go on holiday and have building work done instead. We offered that they pay it back really slowly but they won't even do that. Some people have no morals at all.

What motivation would a virtual stranger have to pay you back?

Bearbehind · 07/08/2014 15:27

I don't think it's beyond possibility that they are scamming you.

I can't imagine even asking my oldest friends to help like this but someone you've met through baby group and who's husbands don't really know each other.......why would anyone do that?

I wouldn't be at all surprised if they did this then moved away.

FatherReboolaConundrum · 07/08/2014 15:28

OP, as someone else said, if you're happy to give these people you don't really know a present of £6,000 then go right ahead but don't, whatever you do, agree to this if £6K is a significant amount of money for you that you would want back, and certainly not if it would 'get put on your house' as you say it would.

Do you like them enough to give them £6K as a present?

AMumInScotland · 07/08/2014 15:32

You r DW sounds very lovely and generous, but obviously her 'caring' side is over-ruling her sense at this stage. She is probably picturing yourselves in their situation and thinking how heartless it would be to leave them on the street.

But - they're not on the street, and there is no reason why they need to be. They need proper advice about their finances, not a handout. And that's what it would be - they can't get a loan because they can't afford one. You guaranteeing it would not change that, it would only shift from beign their problem to being your problem - then you'd be the ones worrying about paying the mortgage, instead of them.

Tell your wife no. Let her tell them it's all your fault for being a big meany if that makes her feel better.

whatever5 · 07/08/2014 15:40

DW's friend asked wife who then asked me if we could, wife saying she 'doesn't want to see her friend and their family out on the street. She got to know her through mother and baby groups as we both have kids of similar ages, but I feel we don't really know them.

The fact that they are asking people they don't really know to guarantee their loan says it all. Obviously no one who knows them will take the risk. They won't be out on the street if you don't guarantee the loan, the wife will just have to go back to work.

somewheresomehow · 07/08/2014 15:43

as everyone else has put
don't do it
neither a borrower or lender be
that way you keep your friendship and your money

guinnessgirl · 07/08/2014 15:44

no, no, no, no, NO. Absolutely DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. I work for a debt advice charity and regularly see cases where people have signed as a guarantor for someone else's debt and then end up landed with it all when their child/parent/best friend can't pay. This will NOT end well if you agree.

Tell them to seek independent debt advice and start climbing out of the hole they are in rather than digging themselves in deeper.

Seriously - borrowing to pay the rent is a clear sign things are already waaaay out of control.

AlpacaMyBags · 07/08/2014 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notapizzaeater · 07/08/2014 15:53

No no no, unless you can afford to loose 6k

I would think twice about doing for it for a best friend let alone a friend from mother and toddler group. Have they no family ? Why so much - surely the rent isn't this much ?

WeAreEternal · 07/08/2014 15:59

My parents always taught me that you never lend money that you don't have/can't afford to give away and never lend money to friends (if they are desperate and I have it I will just give it to them and hope they will return the favour if I ever need it)

Being a guarantor to someone else's loan is pretty much agreeing to take out a loan yourself and then trusting them to make the repayments each month.

But if this really is someone you think you can trust not to screw you over I would rather take the money out of my savings and loan it to them, there would be so much less risk involved.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 07/08/2014 16:32

If they're short for rent then they can claim housing benefit.

Don't do this. Please.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 07/08/2014 16:38

Seriously - borrowing to pay the rent is a clear sign things are already waaaay out of control.

What are other signs?

I had a friend go bankrupt and honestly had no clue he was in trouble. Just a text out of the blue that he'd lost his house.

How can you tell? What are the 'red flags'?

lacktoastandtolerance · 07/08/2014 16:51

You've got a general consensus.

My view with guaranteeing.... would you be willing to lend/give them the money? So meet them tomorrow with £6k cash and hand it over to them?

If that's OK with you, be the guarantor. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it.

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