about this wedding, being a bridesmaid etc?

[knotpoodle]

Am bridesmaid for an old friend in a few weeks.

She has arranged our dresses, but nothing else, whatever else we want we are expected to pay for ourselves - I asked her about shoes, accessories etc and she told me to match in with the other bridesmaids (who had no idea what to wear either as she hadn't given them any direction).

The bride is having her hair and make up 'done' on the day - she's told us we're doing our own. Which is fine but again she's given no suggestion/guidance - there are 5 of us, I am the only one having my hair up, the rest are having it down. No suggestion of colours of makeup, wear whatever hair accessories we want so long as we match (3 are not wearing any, so we won't match). She hasn't told us if we have flowers to carry (I've asked), and only 2 of the BM's have seen her dress.

We asked about jewellry, at first she said wear pearl necklaces (my DP nearly exploded trying not to laugh at that...) then changed her mind and said anything 'so long as we match'.

We have to go up the night before, and on the morning before the wedding (which is at midday) me and another BM have to do all the table decs.

I've never been this closely involved with a wedding before but it just all seems a bit directionless and disorganised - me and 2 of the other BMs keep emailing to ask stuff which she doesn't appear to have thought of (BM2 asked what drinks would be on the dinner tables - she had ordered red and white wine but no water/soft drinks - there are a lot of children going) and I'm starting to think the whole day could end up being a lot of hassle for me - is this what being a bridesmaid is actually like?

Porkpie, that's 6 people helping, not two.

I think YABU. I was a bridesmaid recently and bought my own dress and shoes, and paid for my own hair. Which I personally do think was unreasonable but she is my dear friend and didn't have much money. We made the favours and table decorations ourselves, we set up the tables on the day, and the room the evening before. We drove ourselves there and yes, we were all ready before 11.30am.

Being told you can wear your hair how you want and wear whatever make up you want and whatever shoes you want? Mmmm. Yeah. I can see why you'd be annoyed

Bridesmaidzilla perhaps? Chill out sweetie.

Forget about the matching BMs issue, wear what you have that goes with the dress and any new things only without over-stretching your budget. Matching dresses is enough.

You need to write an email like the one above, and consider copying in the rest of the bridal party as long as she won't take that as an insult (which is a possibility if she feels criticised over organisational skills).

It takes me more than 10 minutes to set my table for a dinner party for four light let alone 100 for a wedding.

OP I feel for you. The day sounds fraught with possibilities for disaster.

Two of you will not be able to set up 100 place settings, and decorate, in under three hours.

Either the venue will be unfinished, or £600 of frock will be polishing cutlery whilst the bride and groom take their vows.

Have you told her that the plan for preparing the venue is not realistic?

She needs to pay the caterers if she doesn't have any other people she can ask to do it.

Yeh, badly worded, I was suggesting that similarly a couple of guests could be asked to arrive early.

Instead of telling your friend all the reasons everything is doomed to fail, why don't you work out what will work and tell her that?

If not, its probably best you just say no to helping because you obviously dont really want to- Bride would probably rather have people setting out that genuinely wanted to help.