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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refer to my step grandchild, as my grandchild?

160 replies

Flexibilityisquay · 06/08/2014 20:57

I have two step grandchildren. I am finding every time I refer to them it is such a mouthful. I am wondering therefore whether people think it would be OK to just refer to them as my grandchildren?

I don't know if I am over thinking it. I know that referring to step children as your children is not on. I have never, and would never do this as they already have a perfectly good Mum. I am wondering though if it is such an issue in relation to the next generation, as it is perfectly possible to have several grandparents, and it is not trying to take over someone else 's place in the same way, if that makes sense? I'd be interested to know what anyone else thinks?

OP posts:
thegreylady · 07/08/2014 17:03

I have 6 'step' grandchildren and 3 blood grandchildren. They are all my grandchildren in my heart and they know it. I always say I have 9 dgc and so does dh.

flippinada · 07/08/2014 17:07

Not read all the other posts but I think that's lovely. My step dad, who has never had children of his own, refers to mine and my sisters DC as his grandchildren

Hopelass · 07/08/2014 17:07

My son knows my step dad as Gramps and my step mum as Nana. My parents and oh's parents also have variations (granny, grandad, grandpa and grandma) it gets a bit confusing for us to remember who's who but I agree adding "step" is unnecessary when it comes to grandparents.

Chasingsquirrels · 07/08/2014 17:36

My kids (primary age) have;

  • my parents (together), called grandparent names
  • ex H's parents (together), called grandparent names

They also have;

  • ex H's partner's parents (I assume still together as they only mention one (I don't know what they call them directly and neither do I mind. They also have a step sister who is their age who they would be with when they see them and who I assume calls them grandparent names. When talking about them to me they refer to the as their names or stepsisters grandparent).
  • my partner's mum, who they call partners name's mum (I think they actually think that is her name, I have told them it isn't!).

I can't see them changing how they refer to dp's mum, but then that's how dp and I refer to her and they don't send time with her together with anybody else who calls her a grandparent name.

I think it is different with exH's partners parents because of their step sister and that they will probably see them more as their grandparents.

nannie1234 · 30/09/2016 03:42

I think differently. Sorry. A woman walked off with my husband spent years telling people I was a tart a my son did not belong to my then husband. They had very litlte to do with bringing up my son now she has the damned cheek to call herself nannie to MY Grandchildren. Now I think that is the biggest insult of all and so hurtfull. I dont want to be called nannie any more she has soiled it for me.

Bloodybridget · 30/09/2016 03:50

I refer to my DP's grandchildren as "our" grandson, grand-daughter, etc., when talking to other people, just because it's easier, and it's descriptive of the relationship I have with them. I'd never say "step-grandchild" anyway, I'm not a stepmother to their parents, who were adults when DP and I got together.

VioletBam · 30/09/2016 03:53

Fine! I referred to my MIL as my MIL long before DH and I were married and she always introduced me as her DIL.

maccamummy · 30/09/2016 04:02

In my situation I hate that my DSM calls herself Grandma Name. That said, that's because there's a lot of history there and the presumption on her part that it was ok. You sound like that's not the issue so I would go ahead, and you and PPs have made me realise that if she loves my DS then it would be good for them to have a nice relationship, not be tainted by my thoughts of her. HTH - and thank you Smile

SpareASquare · 30/09/2016 04:42

My parents had 6 grandchildren until my brother remarried, then they had 10. They have never even said the word step' I dont think. I dont have 'step' nieces and nephews, I just have a bunch of nieces and nephews Smile

I think its fine, lovely actually.

ElizaDontlittle · 30/09/2016 04:51

I have been around since the birth of DHs grandson but refer to him like that, as 'my husband's grandson'. I am Aunty Eliza - but happy to just be Eliza. Really don't want to be pushing in on them.

So I'd ask and share how you feel, if you can.

KaosReigns · 30/09/2016 05:03

Personally I'm not even particularly fond of my step-mother and she will not be called grandma. But she is more than welcome to call DD her granddaughter, I don't see any issue with it as long as it is not done around my actual mother who may get sensitive.

Longlost10 · 30/09/2016 05:23

ask, but i don't see a problem, my DC have two "grans" that are not blood relations

DoubleNegativePanda · 30/09/2016 05:27

To my daughter, my mother is Grandma and my stepmother is Nana. Perfectly reasonable, and I would be terribly hurt if Nana referred to her as "step-granddaughter".

Optimist3 · 30/09/2016 05:34

My step grandma was nana and she was like the rest of my grandparents. She was ace!!

Bloodybridget · 30/09/2016 07:25

Just noticed this is a zombie thread, posts up to the one before I joined in were two years ago!

aprilanne · 30/09/2016 07:36

my sons partner had a little one when she met my son .i would never dream of refering to her as my step grandaughter .probably because i never think of her as anything but my sons child .

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 30/09/2016 07:41

Zombie thread! Hmm

Str4ngedaysindeed · 30/09/2016 07:42

My new grandson has three sets of grandparents - me and dh, dd's dad and his partner and her partners parents! The biological grandparents have variations of granny/ grandma/ grandad and my the nonbiological have more pet grandparent related names. But he is still everyone's beautiful grandson!

Sandsnake · 30/09/2016 07:50

YANBU. I'd be gutted (and shocked) if my DsD referred to DS as anything other than his grandson. I think that a lot of step-grandparents find they have a close bond with their step-grandkids as they have usually known them since they were born.

M0nstersinthecl0set · 30/09/2016 07:54

My 2 daughters refer to their step grandparents in a variety of ways agreed at between children and adults. In conversation / introductions they are referred to as "my grandchildren" (it's complicated as there are step steps involved). My dh's (their step dad) step mother's adoptive father for eg (that would be a mouthful) is just first name to dh but Ganggang to my daughters as he has so many and adores them all (but genetically 0 grandchildren).

MsMermaid · 30/09/2016 07:59

My dd had a step grandad. Here was just pops, and she was the apple of his eye. My other dd has a step grandma as well, she's just nan (nan is dd2's bio grandma), and none of us ever add the step bit.

Mil has only 1 bio grandchild, but 3 step grandchildren. They are all her grandkids, she loves them all equally.

tryingtobeakindboss · 30/09/2016 08:02

My children have step grandparents and just call them Nanny / Grandad.

Bountybarsyuk · 30/09/2016 08:05

Our family must be bucking the trend. My parents partners are referred to by their first names. One has been around a long time, another come on the scene since the children were born. My children get on extremely well with their step-grandpa, but wouldn't call him that, they just call him by his name. It doesn't stop them having a good relationship. I'm not sure it is the same as his own grandchildren though, they have a different relationship perhaps. I wouldn't ask him. He's a great presence in their lives, but he isn't their official grandpa. I think it's fine to have people who are important, but I think it would be presumptive of me to think that he had the same relationship with my children (when I met him in my forties) as his own children's children who he brought up from birth!

Hopelass · 30/09/2016 08:08

I have a stepmum and stepdad and they both call my DS their grandson. It seems totally fine to me and I think it's lovely. He's very lucky to have three sets of grandparents!

witchywoohoo · 30/09/2016 08:12

Aw definitely. My kids have a Step Grandad. My mum remarried after my Dad died and before they were born so they have never known any different and have called him Papa forever. I think it's lovely that he allowed this to happen (not that he had much choice Grin ) . I always say - the more people to love a child the better.

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