to refer to my step grandchild, as my grandchild?

[Flexibilityisquay]

I have two step grandchildren. I am finding every time I refer to them it is such a mouthful. I am wondering therefore whether people think it would be OK to just refer to them as my grandchildren?

I don't know if I am over thinking it. I know that referring to step children as your children is not on. I have never, and would never do this as they already have a perfectly good Mum. I am wondering though if it is such an issue in relation to the next generation, as it is perfectly possible to have several grandparents, and it is not trying to take over someone else 's place in the same way, if that makes sense? I'd be interested to know what anyone else thinks?

[DizzyKipper]

We just call my FIL's gf "Nanny S" - I'd feel mean referring to her as a step-Nan. I think of it a bit like aunts and uncles - they might not share blood and be related through marriage, but they're still family and there's no need to make the distinction between an aunt who shares blood and an aunt who doesn't. I think it's fine.

[Onesleeptillwembley]

Yet another view here. I'm now a grandma. The child has two very living, very involved grandmas. I'd be a bit upset if they called my exes partner grandma. She's not really involved, but I would be quite hurt even if she was. But on the flip side, my exes step mum was grandma her name. She was very involved and his mother wasn't really bothered.

[CalamitouslyWrong]

On the other hand, my father's wife (possibly still partner, I don't actually know) is not a grandparent to either my children or my nephew. Indeed, my father isn't a grandparent to them either. We've been NC since DS1 was a baby.

[pasbeaucoupdegendarme]

My daughter has a Granny, a Nain (she's Welsh and requested to be known as Nain) which conveniently leaves Grandma available for her step-grandmother. Grandma introduces my dd as her granddaughter, no-one has ever batted an eyelid.

[hiccupgirl]

My step mum is called nanny by my 4 yr old DS. She has been married to my dad for most of my life and my mum died along time ago so she is the only nanny he will know on my side.

I think it's fine though I would check the parents are happy with it. My brother's children call her nanny first name instead as my brother is not happy with her being referred to as nanny alone.

[Mrsjayy]

My step gran was just gran my mum remarried when I was 9 and she was always gran I think its nice do the stepchild/ren mind im sure they don't

[Mrsjayy]

Funnily enough I dont call my step dad dad

[velocity1]

I have a step-mum and a step-dad, they were both just Nanny and Grampy to my children. We never made a distinction between any of the grandparents,beyond nanny x & nanny y anyway, and, as far as I know, my step-mum considers them her grandchildren in the same way her sons children are her grandchildren

[orangefusion]

My Dp's dd died in January leaving two small dc, they are now separated (different df's) and they need to see each other. I have become a granny to them since then by default because the role of GP had become so much more important to the girls so that they can spend time together. I don't think of myself as a step granny (I am not married to my DP) but I do refer to them as my grandchildren. They call me by my name and DP by a suitable GP name but the step/not step thing matters not one jot to those DC who really just need people around them who love and engage with them as they recover from their terrible loss.
I find myself thinking about what they would like to do, eat, wear when I am out and about. I kiss thier heads and smell their hair when we bathe them, I cuddle them, read to them, play with them and have fallen as much in love with them as I would with my own GC. The step bit is irrelevant.
If you love them like GC then they are GC.

[orangefusion]

• thier +their I hate that typo :)

[TheHouseCleaner]

As long as there's no objection from the parents or DC I think it's a lovely thing to do.

My DC call my stepfather Grandad. They've never done anything but. To me, them and him, he is their Grandad, he does everything that the perfect Grandad does. The relationship between them all is lovely and part of that, I think, is that we started off with the title and attitude that DSDad is "Grandad".

The funny thing is that although DC2 isn't biologically related to my DSF the resemblance between the two in attitude and outlook, in the trail of mess and chaos they leave behind themselves and their sense of humour leads everyone who doesn't know the relationship to assume that they are blood relatives.

[CalamitouslyWrong]

It's never occurred to me to check whether my parents or exP's parents are happy with dS1 calling DH's parents nan and grandad. It isn't really their decision; it's DS1.

He has a grandmother (he chose this and it sounds ridiculous), a gran and a nan. And a Bob*, a grampa and a grandad.

*names have been changed to protect the innocent.

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

I have this with my Grandmother. But she remarried when I was a teenager. So I refer to her husband by his first name. My younger cousins, and the next generation (so great grandchildren) all just call him (Great) Grandad. I would have an issue with him calling me his grandchild, as I was basically grown up when he came into my life. But I'd have no issue with him calling my kids his great grandchildren.

[windowtree]

I think it depends on your age as well. I have 6 step grandchildren. They and my stepchildren are happy to call me Granma - no issues there. However I am too young to be a granny to any of them so when I talk about them to people who don't know me they look at me as if I'm mad - so I have to preface with step grandchildren - it saves them thinking I'm odd!

[Guiltypleasures001]

Hi op

My DH is stepdad to my son, he sees my son as his and says so, his parents refer to my son as their grandchild and I'm thrilled that they do.

[cariadmawr]

I Had a wonderful father who was technically my step always bought father / Gramp cards he passed away 4 years ago and my kids always called him gramps . was never a issue with my kids the oldest is 21 and they both worshiped Him

I think maybe ask the parents if they object or not . it's more how you love the kids and treat them just because they have biological grandparents doesn't mean they treat them as children should be .

[ebwy]

I'd ask the parents and child. My mother remarried after I'd married so her husband was never a dad to me.

I would be livid if he was referred to as my children's grandfather.


She's Mamgu (Welsh for gran), but he's referred to by his name, if at all. Neither of them have seen us since the eldest was 18 months old anyway.

On the other hand, their grandparents are no relation to us ( housemate's parents) but are nan and grandad as far as my boys are concerned.

[Nerf]

It depends on your family doesn't it? We never use half or step in out family and I will always, always love dh's mum for her total acceptance of my dd when I met him. She has never made any distinction, they treat her as one of their own and I am so pleased.
I never refer to dds siblings (my first husbands children) as halves, and my second dh has welcomed them to the house (they are adults) and is pleased to know them.
The only weird one in all this is my mum, disappointingly.
So I think it depends on your family.

[cashmiriana]

My DM died when my DD2 was a baby.
MIL leaves overseas and has seen my children 3 times in 10 years.
DH's stepmother is only a few years old than DH and his brothers. She has no children of her own. She is a totally wonderful grandmother to my children, interested, fun, loving.... just great.

DD1 started off calling her by her first name, but when DD2 came along, she became Granny Firstname to both children.

She and FIL refer to our DC and BIL's DD as their grandchildren.
In fact the only person who has ever questioned it is MIL who said "But she's not their grandmother."

I replied that DstepMIL's relationship with my DC is brilliant and she most certainly is their grandmother in every meaningful sense of the word.

[cashmiriana]

Lives overseas.

Although she did leave.

But anyway.

[CafeAuLaitMerci]

I think it's lovely that children really, really don't care how people are 'attached' to them and just love and relate to them for who they are/how they treat them.

I suppose if there are toes that are likely to be trodden on you should ask before dropping the 'step' around people who matter, but for the 'general public' then just drop it. Ethel on the bus doesn't need to know if they're step GK's or not :)

[CalamitouslyWrong]

We don't have half siblings in this family either. Siblings come in whole numbers only.

[BellMcEnd]

My mum married my stepfather when I was 21. Despite not bringing me up he's been far more of a dad to me than my biological father. He's hugely involved with my 3 children and they adore him. He's got his own special grandad name and they're too little to have any idea that he's my step, rather than bio father. They barely know my actual father who's very peripheral to their / our lives. Interestingly, they love his partner as she's always been wonderful to them. IMO, it's not biology, it's consistency and love.

[Dragonlette]

Dps mum has 4 grandchildren, only one of whom is biologically related to her.

Dd1 is mine, but dp has been "dad" since she was 6, so dps mum is "nan". Dd2 is her biological grandchild.

Her dsd has 2 dcs who call her nan too, they have 4 complete sets of grandparents, lucky kids.

I would be perfectly happy for step grandchildren to be referred to as just grandchildren, it's much easier to say.

[Ponyo]

Def not unreasonable. Heck I call my granny-in-law 'grandma'