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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder when my kids won't mind seeing me or each other naked

166 replies

pingufan · 02/08/2014 21:08

I have a DS nearly 14 and DD 11. I still wander around with no clothes on after showering / changing and they don't seem to bat an eyelid as we've never discouraged nudity or ever made a fuss about it. They will walk in while im on the loo, in the bath etc too! On a recent holiday when the kids shared a room it struck me that maybe I should be covering up myself and ensuring they cover up around each other too?

There doesn't seem to be any embarrassment with either of them as they are happy to be naked around us and each other but my son Is starting to develop etc, daughter not yet.

I don't want to make a big deal over things but my nan thinks it's wrong that they wander around naked around each other and me and hubby, she thinks it's putting temptation in my sons way!!! The thought hadn't crossed my mind!

Anyone with older children, do they eventually become more private themselves or should I be encouraging them to cover up?

OP posts:
WhyOWhyWouldYou · 02/08/2014 23:47

My husbands mother used the excuse of "she didnt know it was inappropriate" when dh challenged her on this kind of inappropriate behaviour a few years after hed escaped (it was part of his counselling).

For a teen male this can easily be a form of sexualised abuse whether you mean it that way or not. DH felt it that way, his brother didnt.

Its not hard to put a dressing gown on, have locks on the bathroom door and knock before entering someones bedroom.

Floop · 02/08/2014 23:48

Why Your DH's mother should have covered up then. It's about reading your kids.

If DH's brother was an only child, she would be fine to continue.

It's about your own family's dynamic, and being aware and responsive to it. Especially during adolescent changes.

PhaedraIsMyName · 02/08/2014 23:54

Oh and for me I have fabulous clothes (and sorry but I am actually being serious I really do) which I love wearing; even at home. I look infinitely better clothed.

I appreciate of course expressing an interest in clothes and dressing up is a cardinal sin in MN land for anyone over 10 so will be doubly damned as shallow and a prude.

Floop · 02/08/2014 23:57

Bloody good reason Pheadra!

BertieBotts · 03/08/2014 00:03

Yeah I would probably make toast naked in that situation as well. It's a bit pointless to stick a t shirt on when you're getting in the bath in a minute and it's hot in the house. Sometimes it hits 37 degrees in my house. I am not wearing any scrap of unnecessary clothing at that point, believe me, which generally means a vest top and knickers, and I discard the vest top when DS goes to bed (incidentally this is a top that DH has asked me not to wear in front of visitors because it's so thin that my nipples poke out). The main reason I wear a top when around DS for longer than a couple of minutes is because he's fascinated by nipples and likes to poke them, probably because it provokes a hilarious screaming response from me.

Generally though no I don't think being open with nudity is somehow better, but it's quite galling to have it implied that by doing so you are some kind of paedophile or exhibitionist, which is probably where the "it's healthy and natural" comments come from, to counter that in some way.

MorphineDreams · 03/08/2014 00:10

If I ate toast naked my boobs would be covered in crumbs. I think that's an achievement floop Grin

callipygian00 · 03/08/2014 00:17

I grew up in a pretty covered up family. We were never hung-up about it - it was never thought about, we just kept our bodies to ourselves. It was just the way it was. And none of us have body issues! We are all completely comfortable with our own bodies - they are just private to us and our partners.

DH comes from a family who walk around naked, and I've got to say it weirds me out a little. Fair enough seeing his brother and dad naked but his mum? At no point have I ever thought it was sexualised, but there just seems to be no need?! It just seems weird to me - but I suppose each to their own. I wouldn't have wanted to have had this to worry about however as I began to go through puberty. OP - I would maybe chat to your DC's about it in case they start to feel uncomfy with it but don't want to show it?

SteveBackshallisMyLove · 03/08/2014 00:25

Watching I think you demonstrated my point earlier quite nicely, I hope you don't mind if I ask you about it? I don't know if you were referring to specifically me or the other posters who share my view point, but I'll ask anyway. In your previous post, when you said "just to please you prudes!!" it came across quite strongly -to me at least!- that you think that what I do is ridiculous or uptight, or generally worse than what you do. Why do you think that?
Please correct me if I'm wrong, not trying to start a bun fight!

At no point have I ever thought it was sexualised, but there just seems to be no need?!
This sums it up much more eloquently than I can!

BertieBotts · 03/08/2014 00:45

But there's no need to do a lot of things and we do those.

It's not like people are making a concerted effort to parade nakedly around.

I don't know I always find the "but there's no need" argument odd. There's no need to cover up either. I wouldn't go out of my way to be naked but equally I'm not going to go out of my way to cover up (unless someone is uncomfortable).

MorphineDreams · 03/08/2014 00:47

Sorry I'm just curious - have any of you had any problems with your children being unable to understand boundaries regarding their nakedness, like as they grew older?

MrsWinnibago · 03/08/2014 00:50

I think this thread is disgusting in many ways. Why on earth would a boy be"tempted" by dint of seeing his sister!??? What fucking awful attitudes to boys. No mention of the DD being "tempted" I see!

MorphineDreams · 03/08/2014 00:51

I think people may have been watching/reading too much Flowers In The Attic

MrsWinnibago · 03/08/2014 00:51

Morphine I grew up in a very open household. We all knew not to walk nude from the bathroom in other people's homes...or in hotels or something! Of course we knew our boundaries!

MrsWinnibago · 03/08/2014 00:52

Sorry Morphine for getting all shouty there.

MorphineDreams · 03/08/2014 01:00

mrsWin sorry if my question offended you or anything, it was genuinely just a curious question. Thanks for answering!

BertieBotts · 03/08/2014 01:01

No, DS understands boundaries and now at 5 he is embarrassed to change clothes publicly (e.g. at the beach) and asks us to hold up a towel for him.

MorphineDreams · 03/08/2014 01:02

Ah so it obviously doesn't effect how they see nakedness outside the family or anything like that!

MorphineDreams · 03/08/2014 01:02

affect? I get confused with the two

MrsWinnibago · 03/08/2014 01:07

Affect Morphine

"What are the effects of rainwater falling into snow?" as opposed to "How did the rainwater affect the snow?"

BertieBotts · 03/08/2014 01:07

Affect is the verb, effect is the noun :)

Yeah, I think they just sort of get that it's a different rule.

I suppose it's clear in other ways - I mean they might use the toilet in front of mum or dad (when they're little and need help or can't be unsupervised in public toilets) but not other people, and in most families siblings are naked in front of each other for a longer period, some bath together, even if the parents aren't themselves. And when they're going through the "obsessed with willy" stage you tell them to put it away in certain situations, etc.

callipygian00 · 03/08/2014 01:08

Bertie - re the 'no need' argument - I think above all it comes down to individual families. I would rather fling a t-shirt on, you'd rather not - fair enough. I just don't think there's any need to wander around naked to protect your children from having an unhealthy attitude to body image - previous posts have implied (not directly said, just implied) that we 'prudes' host the ideal environment for culturing body dysmorphia. Not so.

MorphineDreams · 03/08/2014 01:09

Ah thankyou :) bit of an English lesson mixed with nakedness Grin

BertieBotts · 03/08/2014 01:21

Maybe we're just reading stuff into each others' posts which isn't there? You're seeing implied "making children body dysmorphic" (I don't think anyone has actually said) and pro-nuders (sorry I just invented that, seemed appropriate Grin) are seeing an implied "getting some kind of paedophilic thrill" - which to be fair has actually been said, although most other posters dismissed this immediately whether pro-nudity or not.

For me I'm not going to walk all the way upstairs (or two steps into the next room Blush) to find a t-shirt for the sake of two minutes wandering around the house, that's all. It's just laziness or maybe not really caring/thinking it's important. I don't really understand wanting to but I don't think it's wrong to cover up or never let anybody except your husband/wife see you naked. It's just baffling to me as to why anyone would care. But it's not wrong, and it's certainly not damaging.

Canyouforgiveher · 03/08/2014 01:28

We are fairly easy-going about nudity. Wouldn't be bothered if the children (teens) saw us or we saw them but we don't wander around naked either- more like going to the bathroom naked occasionally or getting dressed and someone coming in. All of our children, became conscious of their own space and privacy at around age 11.

I wonder what the level of nudity is in the OP's family? Is it wandering around the house and making meals/watching tv stark naked or just wandering from bed to bathroom naked. Because if it was the former, I'd be wanting to make damn sure my 11 year old daughter was comfortable with her brother who is going through puberty, walking naked in front of her making his breakfast, watching tv. I'd like to know if she feels she could ask him to stop if she felt uncomfortable for any reason (she doesn't actually need a reason) or would she feel like she was disturbing a family value of free nudity. I say this because the OP mentioned her daughter was probably more likely to want to cover up than her son.

MorphineDreams · 03/08/2014 01:29

I think one thing that always put me off was my mum's friend and her husband.

Mums friend had a daughter aged 16. She got with a new fella and was with him for two years by this point. Her daughter got pregnant at aged 16. All 3 of them used to lie in bed together naked, and the mum and her fella used to rub her pregnant belly. I don't know if it's just me but it made me feel a bit sicky.