To wonder when my kids won't mind seeing me or each other naked

[pingufan]

I have a DS nearly 14 and DD 11. I still wander around with no clothes on after showering / changing and they don't seem to bat an eyelid as we've never discouraged nudity or ever made a fuss about it. They will walk in while im on the loo, in the bath etc too! On a recent holiday when the kids shared a room it struck me that maybe I should be covering up myself and ensuring they cover up around each other too?

There doesn't seem to be any embarrassment with either of them as they are happy to be naked around us and each other but my son Is starting to develop etc, daughter not yet.

I don't want to make a big deal over things but my nan thinks it's wrong that they wander around naked around each other and me and hubby, she thinks it's putting temptation in my sons way!!! The thought hadn't crossed my mind!

Anyone with older children, do they eventually become more private themselves or should I be encouraging them to cover up?

Part of bringing up children is about demonstrating boundaries. I might walk around naked at home, though generally on my way to the shower or to find my clothes, but DD is aware that I wear clothes out of the house and when there are visitors. I'm not teaching her that it is normal to strip off anywhere or in front of anyone. Children aren't stupid (well mine isn't). They can understand the nuances of this.

Talking about incest is trying to stir the pot.

Aero, I would never do it around other people's children. I would not be happy with another parent being naked around mine either. I bet that made you really uncomfortable.

I don't think its rude for my children to come into the bathroom. They wouldn't do it when my dh is in there and they know he doesn't like it.

I don't even know how to answer your question Bearbehind.. I don't even get how me being naked around my children translates into them not knowing the dangers of predators. It's one of those questions that are so bizarre that my head can't even form an appropriate answer.

One of my children has never ever liked anyone to see her on the loo since she was a tiny toddler. I have no idea where this came from as the rest of us really don't care.

I have to say, my mum and dad did used to walk around naked sometimes, mainly when going to the bathroom though, not just for the sake of it. I felt very uncomfortable as a teen myself seeing my dad naked and actually wish I could undo that sight in my mind. It's not rational but it didn't make me feel more comfortable, I felt it was quite unpleasant even though I am sure it was of the innocent running for the bathroom variety. My husband wanders round naked trying to find a towel or after a bath though. I hope I'll notice if the children (two girls) feel uncomfortable about it.

In some Nordic countries, everyone showers in swimming pools naked, it's not just a custom, they request you remove your swimming costume as they think it is unhygienic and you can't get clean with it on, so public nudity is more normal and this will also mean you see your family naked if you go swimming as well as other times. I think we are on the more prudish side in the UK.

Incest doesn't usually come from families that are very familiar with one another in the way the OP's family are but from families where such things are taboo for whatever reason or where they were strangers.

I take it that those who don't approve aren't likely to have nudist holidays?!

Personally I don't do it, although I do walk around in my underwear and I couldn't care less if my 10 yr old wants to walk around with nothing on which he often does. The 14 yr old wants to wear pants these days but even so, he is covering up for his sake not mine. I couldn't care less. However, if everybody in the OP's household is happy with the way things are and nobody is mocked or made to feel ashamed if they decide to cover up or start to avoid seeing others naked then it is entirely their own business.

Do they have sky-high rates of incest in Nordic countries?

I also don't see how my children seeing me naked means I don't have any dignity.

I let them see my arms and legs in the summer.. I don't see how the rest of my body is all that different.

Franksaysno.. her son ogles her? Some here have warped minds and it isn't the ones who are ok with nudity. Well ok, just you and Bearbehind.

I don't even get how me being naked around my children translates into them not knowing the dangers of predators. It's one of those questions that are so bizarre that my head can't even form an appropriate answer.

Well maybe that demonstrates my point that children might not differentiate between the two either.

What is u dignified about my children seeing me in the bath or the shower? As u2 said some of the best chats I have with my kids are when I am in the bath, ds1 knows the little ones are in bed, there is peace and quiet and we can have a chat.

They know that they don't have to be naked, can cover up whenever they want and they understand boundaries.

Yes I was a bit [embarassed] especially seeing her dad. With the bathroom thing, how are children going to know not to just walk into anyone. Mum doesent mind, but grandma does not like it. Pictures personally like my privacy when I'm in the bathroom, I like to go for a wee or poo in peace.

Frank I think it's absolutely disgusting that you would suggest a son is 'ogling' his mother.

You're the one projecting sexual feelings onto naked bodies. Bodies are for a number of things, sexuality being one of them.

There is nothing offensive/taboo about a naked human being.

As I said it's what your used to personally, my upbringing and d is a private person. I do walk out of tge shower naked and kids do see (7 and 2) when they are teens I won't though.

DD will walk in while I am on the loo (though mostly calls through the door), but not DH or any one else. It is about how close she is and that she knows DH doesn't like it. She is 3. If she can understand that at 3, then I imagine most children can understand it too.

Well I tell my children that I might not mind them walking in but others do. It's easy enough for them to understand.

They have never walked in on anyone other than me. They wouldn't dream of doing so.

Incest isn't caused by nudity. It's caused by abuse, power and control. This doesn't appear to be an abusive situation and as everyone is comfortable so far there doesn't seem to be any power or control issues. If either of the children were uncomfortable about the situation and the other party continued to walk around naked, then that would be a different matter.

"Seriously, how do you get across to your children the dangers of potential predators (because they do exist) whilst exhibiting yourselves all the time and allowing them to think that's normal?" Not sure why you consider these two points mutually exclusive, BearBehind? Why do you think the children don't understand about potential predators?

Re: Nudist holidays.

I have been on many. They are the least sexual experiences on the planet. They are just naked bodies.

I hope those of you who worry about nudity don't go to any Scandinavian countries or Germany

This talk of incest and boys 'ogling' their mothers is truly disgusting. Your view of relationships must be very warped if you think that family members wandering down the hall naked or chatting in the bath is anything to do with that

TheBogQueen I've reported the post about a son ogling his mother. I am truly horrified that somebodies brain even works like that.

There's being a bit shy, or feeling like it's 'improper' or 'not done' and then there's whatever is going on in that lady's brain.

I don't have a dirty mind at all, I just genuinely don't see why there is any need to wander around naked in front of your teenage children.

Likewise I don't see when it would ever be necessary to change a tampon in front of a child who understood what's going on (reference to a previous thread)

If that makes me a prude then so be it- butI've yet to hear a convincing argument as to how this enriches a child's upbringing.

My parents didn't do it and I can't say I feel I've missed out.

How sad that some people reading about parents and children being naked in front of each other think of incest! Sad and sickening tbh.

Bear its not that it is enriching, its just a part of life. To suggest that it is damaging, that is extremely inappropriate imo.

Bearbehind, there's no need to do it, but I haven't seen a decent argument yet that there is a need not to do it. It just seems like an individual family norm thing.

Bear It's completely ok for a family to be the way it wants to be with nudity. You can choose either. Either option has little effect on the children in my experience.

You just can't insult somebody or accuse them of it being sexually driven if they do differently to you though. That is so wrong.

Then turn it around and see that others think why is there any need to cover up in front of my own family in my own home.

I doubt people have Sunday Dinner or play monopoly with their children (teenage or not) naked. But if I'm walking from the bathroom to the bedroom to get dressed, or going for a midnight wee, or need something from another room when half dressed then no I am not going to go out of my way to put some clothes or a towel on so that DS doesn't get corrupted by the sight of a naked fanny.