To wonder when my kids won't mind seeing me or each other naked

[pingufan]

I have a DS nearly 14 and DD 11. I still wander around with no clothes on after showering / changing and they don't seem to bat an eyelid as we've never discouraged nudity or ever made a fuss about it. They will walk in while im on the loo, in the bath etc too! On a recent holiday when the kids shared a room it struck me that maybe I should be covering up myself and ensuring they cover up around each other too?

There doesn't seem to be any embarrassment with either of them as they are happy to be naked around us and each other but my son Is starting to develop etc, daughter not yet.

I don't want to make a big deal over things but my nan thinks it's wrong that they wander around naked around each other and me and hubby, she thinks it's putting temptation in my sons way!!! The thought hadn't crossed my mind!

Anyone with older children, do they eventually become more private themselves or should I be encouraging them to cover up?

To the wally who thinks seeing their parents naked leaves a child vulnerable to predators... Do you really think a child/teen can't understand that nudity is ok within the immediate family, but not from others? It's hardly a difficult concept to grasp! The whole of the privates are private scheme hinges on the fact that it's ok for mummy and daddy to see, but no one else! If a toddler can understand that, then I think a teen will be ok!

Those of you who think that nudity within the family leads to incest have warped, unpleasant minds and I'm really quite glad I don't see things the way you do.

I haven't actually said it's 'damaging' only that it is is unnecessary and inappropriate.

There is no need to do it, especially when you are trying to teach children that unwanted nakedness is inappropriate.

I'm simply questioning the rationale behind thinking it is perfectly acceptable for a teenage boy or girl who is old enough to be a parent themselves, to see their parents naked on a regular basis.

Soberly lucky don't know what I would do! Don't think I could go swimming . Or I would just dry myself off after and shower at home. I am sure you get prudish Nordic people too.

I've hear the Finns sometimes conduct business meeting naked in saunas!

Bearbehind - why is it inappropriate?

When I was growing up I used to see my parents naked as we only had one bathroom - if we were all getting ready for school/work at the same time then my dad would often be shaving at the bathroom sink whilst me/mum/dsis would be having a bath (we didn't have a shower)

Nudity just wasn't an issue, it was just normal to see their bodies in a bathroom/getting dressed scenario - I never even thought to cover up as I got older as it just didn't bother me. I grew up with a healthy attitude to my body and now I have my own children I will do the same. If I'm having a bath or shower I will be naked, it is not in any way sexual and it is shocking that people think that general nudity around your own family could be.

Surely we are talking about dc's that are way past the age of confusion here though?

Bear I don't mean to be rude, but do you have any idea of what you are tryng to say? You are coming out with a load of garbled rubbish that makes no real sense. Is it just a gut feeling that it's not right that you can't actually explain?

I personally would not want my DCs (they are old now though, 18 and 15) to see me on the loo or naked, even going from the bathroom to the bedroom. Cringing doesn't even cover what I would feel if they saw me! What were towels invented for if not for that purpose? I don't judge those of you who do swan around starkers, I do try and understand it but I just can't wrap my head around it!

What I do struggle to understand is why those of you who do do the whole nakedity thing think that your way is better or healthier in some way? The way I see it is my body is my own, to expose it or not to others as I choose. And I choose for my DCs and DM to not be some of the lucky few! I guess what I'm trying to ask, very clumsily, is why there seems to be this view on MN that it would be better if we (the Brits, I assume) were more naked generally, and stopped being so uptight and prudish with our bodies? I like it like this! I would not rush to hoik pants onto others in the privacy of their own homes, but I am pretty happy with my silly saggy body as it is, and my DDs have a good body image too. Why would it be better if I was cool with my dad seeing my pubes? [boak] (in my personal opinion)

If that came across as inflammatory I didn't mean it that way!

Honestly? My first thought is 'inappropriate' - I am sure you're a lovely mum but I just think this crosses a line, not from a sexual point of view but an intimacy one certainly.

Also, I often hear parents blithely say their kids are fine with x, y and z but in fact the kids aren't happy. Having been brought up with it though it is normal for them and they don't see it as something to necessarily be questioned.

Bear you haven't used the exact word 'damaging', no but you did say

At what point does being perfectly happy with your nudity around your teenage children tip over into something more sinister.

I am sorry that you don't know the answer to that. That you do not know that parents and children being naked in front of each other, does not naturally progress to something more sinister. If a parent did sexually abuse their child, it wouldn't be because they had spent too much naked time together, it would be because they are a sick predator.

Steve you make a good point. It is your body, and you can choose who gets to see it. But its certainly not wrong and definitely not sexual if you choose to let your kids see it too.

I just don't understand the point in this. It's like people try to prove a point by prancing around naked all the time. I can't think of an instance in which I've had to walk through the house naked anyway.

What I do struggle to understand is why those of you who do do the whole nakedity thing think that your way is better or healthier in some way?

No one has said that - they've just said that it's not "Dirty" or "Wrong" as some people on here believe....

It's natural - bodies are bodies....

Steve - I don't think it matters either way, but there is an argument relating to accepting and being comfortable with their body. You demonstrate this to your children by not being prudish yourself.

I'm not going to cover up when walking from my bedroom to the shower just to please you prudes!!

When we have guests, fair enough. But when it's just us - none of us do & why should we??

Watching I made toast naked today. We have no neighbours, and it was only DH, me and DD (18) in the house. I'd decided I was hungry before needing a shower, but couldn't be arsed getting dressed: it was hot. It was a complete non-event!

Massive difference (in my very humble opinion) between a dash between a bathroom and bedroom to walking around for a prolonged period of time naked.

If I had walked in on a parent on the loo there would have been an 'oops, sorry!' and a giggle; different again to just walking in on someone. I do think the latter disregards someone's privacy. Even if they don't want it it's the overall message it sends out.

Think its whatever your family feels comfortable with.
But when i was a teen I had a close friend - her family very comfortable with nudity - and so was she while we were young teens.
But when we got to 14/15 she started to feel very self concious about it - used to talk to me a lot about it but didnt feel able to 'cover up' at home because she thought it would be seen as a big change and felt awkward about having to explain to her family why she was suddenly locking the bathroom door/wearing towel/dressing in private etc.
Nothing to do with sexual concerns - just about discovering what she felt comfortable with herself as her body developed.
Family really lovely and it was all sorted in the end but she definately had a few months of feeling awkward so it might be worth just having a chat with your dd every now and again as she starts to develop just to double check she still feels ok with it all.

In this house Ds was totally free and east till he was about 13 but then almost overnight started to lock bathroom door and 'cover up.' We just respected his privacy from that point onwards.

Yes, I can see for the purposes of practicalities for things like midnight pees, it would make sense to not to put on extra clothes just to cross the landing if you were happy with everything flowing wild and free, I can see why you would do that. What I don't get is why you would, for example, want to do the toast thing? (Sorry to pick you out Floop ) Just put a big t shirt on, or even just a pair of pants. Why would you want to do that naked, surely crumbs etc? And then once you've made the toast, do you sit down and eat it? But then there are loose genitals at the kitchen table?! My mind is boggled...

I just don't understand why you'd want to be naked for ages rather than little and often? I of course was born with Bridget jones pants on and have never been naked in my life

No problem picking me out Steve honestly. I just really quite enjoy being naked - I'm sure more than most. I'd be naked all the time is society allowed it.

I know that my choices aren't for everyone. That is not what I'm disagreeing with. If you'd rather chuck a T-shit on, go for it.

What I'm bothered about is people telling me it is sexual. Its not at all. It's just not for you. That is fine.

Oh, and I took the toast upstairs and ate it whilst running the bath, standing up - alone! Wouldn't sit down at the table and have dinner naked!

But watching you replied quite reasonably to Steve and in your next post are going on about prudes.

Steve sums up my views. I don't however whole heartedly endorse this comment.

The whole of the privates are private scheme hinges on the fact that it's ok for mummy and daddy to see, but no one else!

There may be situations where it most definitely is not ok for mummy and daddy to see so that's a bit of a sweeping statement. It is only ok if all are comfortable with it and of course the "looking" isn't being done for inappropriate reasons. The nudity clearly doesn't equate incest but if a pubescent teen or indeed any one else wants privacy that should be respected.

Fundamentally Phaedra- if everyone is comfortable with you being naked, be naked if you want.

If anyone displays any sign of discomfort - cover up.

The trick is teaching your kids to identify situations they are not comfortable in and communicate that. That is how you teach them about predators, and that is how you approach issues like nudity in the home, or peer pressure, or their first sexual relationships. Loads of things actually now I think about it.

If anyone I love ever said they weren't ok with seeing me nude, I'd cover up straight away. No harm done. Likewise, if one of my DDs had shown signs of not wanting me to see her naked, that would be fine too.

That just never happened in my house.

It is ok if it happens in yours. And it is ok if it never does.