Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? (DH hates swimming)

156 replies

neighbourhoodwitch · 02/08/2014 11:24

I am so upset and think I need some perspective. We are going on holiday soon where there is a pool on site.

Me and the DCs love swimming but my DH hates it with a passion. Right now I am on a very heavy period and asked if he could take them swimming if I am still on when we get there and he said no. I got upset, saying it was not about him (couldn't he do it for the DCs?) and he said he felt like he was being badgered by me (like a bear in a cage being stabbed with a stick :-(). I was crying afterwards (he did not know), but I just cannot understand how he could not just commit to helping for my peace of mind & for the DCs enjoyment (on the off-chance I cannot go in the pool).

AIBU? In every other way he is fab (not perfect), but this is the one thing that really upsets me.

OP posts:
IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 02/08/2014 11:27

Sorry I think you are being really unreasonable

It's not as if the dc won't get to go swimming at all, you obviously aren't comfortable swimming while you have your period, how would you feel if he started pestering you to to swim anyway when you didn't want to?

LindyHemming · 02/08/2014 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWinnibago · 02/08/2014 11:29

Well you won't be on your period for the entire break! YABU. I hate swimming and nobody can make me go in the water.

MrsWinnibago · 02/08/2014 11:30

euphemia if he is anything like me he hates the coldness, thew wetness, the sharing water with tonnes of strangers who might have sweaty arses, the taste of pool water and the feeling of it in his eyes.

WeirdCatLady · 02/08/2014 11:31

Is there some reason you can't use a tampon?

DiaDuit · 02/08/2014 11:31

How long is the holiday, when do you go and how long have you been on your period? Surely you wont be on the whole time you are there? They dont have to swim on day 1.

PenelopePitstops · 02/08/2014 11:31

OK boot on other foot. Think of something you hate doing possibly even phobic of.

Then imagine him asking you to do it.

wigglesrock · 02/08/2014 11:32

How old are your kids? Can you not sit at the edge of the pool and watch them?

magpiegin · 02/08/2014 11:33

How old are the children? Could you watch from the side? Could you use a tampon?

If not, I would plan other fun things for while you are still on.

heronsfly · 02/08/2014 11:34

I think you AB a tiny bit U , I've improved slightly over the years but when dcs 1&2 were small nothing would have got me into a swimming pool and people trying to convince me to go in because ' I would enjoy it'
made me back off even more.

Timeforabiscuit · 02/08/2014 11:34

I'm sorry YABU

..... And a little bit hormonal?

AgentZigzag · 02/08/2014 11:34

How old are your DC? Are they old enough for him to just supervise while he stays on dry land?

YABU to try and force him to do something he really doesn't want to do, and it sounds like he's more than just not keen. It'd be different if they were ill and he didn't like hospitals, but it's only swimming, they'll have to do something else until you can help out?

Like MrsW says, you'll probably have finished by the time you get on holiday, if you're not sure whether you will or not just cross that bridge when you come to it.

Stop stressing! Holidays are supposed to be relaxing Grin

Jinsei · 02/08/2014 11:36

Yabu. You were crying about this? Sounds like a massive overreaction!

Can't you just wear a tampon? Or wait until your period has finished? Why should DH spend his holiday doing something he hates? Presumably there are other things that the dc will enjoy instead?

HPparent · 02/08/2014 11:37

I must admit that I understand your DH here. My DH hates swimming because the smell of chlorine makes him feel sick. Despite being brought up near the sea he only learned to swim about 10 years ago at my insistence (in case a child fell in a pond/canal etc while he was looking after them).

There are things I hate while I can't get over and which have the potential to impact on my family. My DH and kids are fine about riding bikes in traffic for example but I hate it and get really disorientated and frightened.

lljkk · 02/08/2014 11:44

How old are the kids, can he just sit on the side with legs in pool watching, or does he need to get in pool with them?

ladygracie · 02/08/2014 11:44

Really??? Have I missed something? Neighbourhoodwitch didn't say he had a phobia, just that he hates it. I think he is being extremely unreasonable. I hate swimming too but it's just what you do when you have kids. He's very lucky that you do it all the time.
Unless he really does have a phobia in which case I think you need to find another solution.

Mrsjayy · 02/08/2014 11:45

I have never been in a swimming pool ever with my children I hate water my dh sometimes didnt want to go in with them its no big deal and nothing to get upset about id be very annoyed if my husband nagged me to go in a pool.

Original poster
neighbourhoodwitch · 02/08/2014 11:45

Hi all and thank you so much for your responses. The kids are 11 & 6. The 11 yo can swim and the little one cannot. She is having lessons & I feel she needs an adult with her in the water. I am in the middle of my period and I cannot use tampons as I get Toxic Shock Syndrome (most unfortunately) if I use them & it is horrible.

I think it is the (perceived) lack of support from him and I just do not know exactly why he hates it so much.

I probably cried as I have been doing loads and loads in preparation for the trip and was upset he thought I was 'badgering' him - I was honestly trying to be calm and reasonable, and truly think i was. It was him getting upset & raising his voice. I realise there will be other activities but I know the DCs will be keen to swim and it will be hard to say why I cannot (depending on the timing re period). Thanks again - I will absolutely think on what you have all said & I hope I have answered everything you asked.

OP posts:
Original poster
neighbourhoodwitch · 02/08/2014 11:46

Thank you Ladygracie!! :-)

OP posts:
ilovepowerhoop · 02/08/2014 11:47

a mooncup then if you cannot use tampons?

Jinsei · 02/08/2014 11:48

Well, I'm very open about my period with dd, but I can see why it might be awkward if you don't talk about that kind of thing. However, your kids are old enough to understand that they'll have to wait for the pool. There will be loads of other stuff that they can do.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 02/08/2014 11:49

Yabu. My ds was 4.5 last summer and I let him swim while I sat on the side of the pool. Your kids will be fine.

WeirdCatLady · 02/08/2014 11:50

I don't see why it would be hard to explain why they can't swim for a few days. 'Mommy is having her period and Daddy doesn't like the water so we'll do xx instead today and maybe swim later in the week'. Job done.

Branleuse · 02/08/2014 11:50

he might not be able to swim and is embarrassed about it

lljkk · 02/08/2014 11:51

Could talk to a doc about getting some meds to delay your periods? I know women who have tried that.

Could your 6yo stay in shallow end while he sat on side?

What exactly does he hate about swimming?

Swipe left for the next trending thread