AIBU? (DH hates swimming)

[neighbourhoodwitch]

I am so upset and think I need some perspective. We are going on holiday soon where there is a pool on site.

Me and the DCs love swimming but my DH hates it with a passion. Right now I am on a very heavy period and asked if he could take them swimming if I am still on when we get there and he said no. I got upset, saying it was not about him (couldn't he do it for the DCs?) and he said he felt like he was being badgered by me (like a bear in a cage being stabbed with a stick :-(). I was crying afterwards (he did not know), but I just cannot understand how he could not just commit to helping for my peace of mind & for the DCs enjoyment (on the off-chance I cannot go in the pool).

AIBU? In every other way he is fab (not perfect), but this is the one thing that really upsets me.

Pretty sure and 11 year old and a 6 year old can go swimming on their own with an adult sunbathing/keeping watch by the pool.

Thanks floop - we'll do that if need be.

my children have always knew there father hated swimmimg .not that he cant just does,nt like to .when they were little they used to say .sorry boys dad don,t do water .just reapeating what there father said .thankfully i love it .hopefully you could do something else for the first couple of days if need be .

Thanks April.

I suffer from TSS - every time I use a tampon for longer than 15 minutes, I get dizzy and then pass out. Some times condoms do the same. I keep trying, over 30 years, I try at least once a year.

The scary thing about TSS is that it can be fatal if you don't remove the offending article and seeing as I faint, taking it out is not that easy! (And I don't carry a note, I don't want strangers poking around in there, especially at that time of the month!!

I feel bad for my earlier posts now, neighbourhood. When I read that your husband felt like a 'bear in a cage being stabbed with a stick', it transported me right back to my junior school days and being bullied into the water by a right old dragon when I was terrified of it...

This isn't the case here and I 'knee jerked' with my post, most unfairly. I'm sorry for that, you do sound lovely. Hope you have a fab holiday and that the acid works a treat for you.

Callaird - I'm really sorry that you have this. So scary. :-(

Lyingwitch - thank you for your lovely posts (tears in eyes reading it, lol!!) - please don't feel bad. I always imagine how it would be to meet any of us in RL - and what it would be like. You sound lovely too and thank you again and I am sorry about the hideous dragon. xx

Interesting how her DH doesn't want to go swimming (for an unknown reason), so she is supposed to back off, but she doesn't want to go swimming (for a valid reason) and she needs to use a tampon, a mooncup, sit by the side and monitor them, whatever. Why does his unknown reason trump her valid reason??

No reason why HE can't sit by the side and monitor them. For heaven's sake, maybe they could actually BOTH go and sit by the side in lounge chairs and relax and chat while the kids swim and they both monitor them. But I'm a bit baffled why he is given a pass and she is not.

FWIW, I love swimming on my own. It can be less than fun trying to keep my 2 nonswimmers (8yo and 5yo) entertained in the pool even on the best of days, so I get that he may not like it simply due to that reason. Or it may be something else entirely. (pretty sure he's not avoiding swimming due to a heavy period ) But I would think that he could simply explain why to you. Is it a state secret or something?

Thanks Alice! I have no idea, other then he doesn't like it. I LOVE it and would love to just be able to swim on my own - call me selfish!! (and not worry about the 6yo), but that won't happen! (unless a miracle occurs!!).

Totally agree Alice.

All I know is that there are lots of essential and non essential things that we do for our families.

Imagine if we all just refused to do the things we didn't like.

Imagine if we all just refused to do the things we didn't like.

That's it. I don't like ironing or mopping the floors. I'm never doing them again.

Absolutely pyjama!!

idontsee has yor DH considered prescription goggles? They are watertight and he would be able to see normally using them.

Lol at those saying just use a tampon, when I used to get periods I would be flooding within 20 minutes, super plus tampon or not. A really heavy period is a bastard and you feel very insecure without several layers.

Agree that I am surprised to hear that ppl can be predisposed to get TSS regularly but then I am always learning new things on MN.

I dont like roller coasters does that mean I should suck it up and just go on because the dds want me to.

Well, I am very scared of rides but have had to force myself for tall daredevil 6 year old ds.

Although, and I could be wrong, I imagine that as the ops dh can swim, he isn't actually afraid of swimming, but just doesn't like it.

I think being afraid of something trumps not liking it because it's dirty/smelly/think you're fat/don't like getting wet etc.

If the ops husband couldn't swim or was afraid of water then fair enough.

I suffer from TSS - every time I use a tampon for longer than 15 minutes, I get dizzy and then pass out. Some times condoms do the same. I keep trying, over 30 years, I try at least once a year.

The scary thing about TSS is that it can be fatal if you don't remove the offending article and seeing as I faint, taking it out is not that easy! (And I don't carry a note, I don't want strangers poking around in there, especially at that time of the month!!

Yanbu.

Unless someone has a genuine phobia of something then I do believe they should give it a go for the sake of the dc. He doesn't even have to swim, just get in the water and supervise.

I think he's being a real arse actually. For children often having a pool on site and getting to go in it as soon as possible is a highlight of a holiday.

Op I'm surprised by the replies saying you are being unreasonable.

I think a bit of compromise is called for here.

The pool is a HUGE part of a sunshine holiday for kids. I enjoy swimming as much as the average cat but I still take the kids to the local pool from time to time (DH takes them far more often but I have to do my bit occasionally).

Can't you take turns - sometimes he goes in with them, even for half an hour and then you sit on the edge and watch them, until your period is over?

OP has said her husband wouldn't take DC to cinema as he didn't want to see the film, so while he 'May' have some super secret distressing reason for not liking swimming, I would be surprised. I think he's just selfish.

Fairylea - thank you. I only asked him due to my period. :-(

Calamity - will try!!

Cheername - I think that too and it makes me sad.

I love swimming and totally understand why you are upset. But if he really doesn't like swimming......

If I was asked to go horse riding or something then I would really not want to go as well.

Ah - yes it does sound like he's just selfish then.

As I've said, I go in the water even though I don't enjoy it. I also go and sleep through see films that I don't want to go to. So does DH.

That's what you do when you've got kids isn't it? I want them to look back on their childhood fondly and remember lots of lovely family trips. I'd hate to think of them remembering little more than mum/dad going "No we can't do that; I don't like it".