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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? (DH hates swimming)

156 replies

neighbourhoodwitch · 02/08/2014 11:24

I am so upset and think I need some perspective. We are going on holiday soon where there is a pool on site.

Me and the DCs love swimming but my DH hates it with a passion. Right now I am on a very heavy period and asked if he could take them swimming if I am still on when we get there and he said no. I got upset, saying it was not about him (couldn't he do it for the DCs?) and he said he felt like he was being badgered by me (like a bear in a cage being stabbed with a stick :-(). I was crying afterwards (he did not know), but I just cannot understand how he could not just commit to helping for my peace of mind & for the DCs enjoyment (on the off-chance I cannot go in the pool).

AIBU? In every other way he is fab (not perfect), but this is the one thing that really upsets me.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 02/08/2014 11:51

Tell them you dont feel well and you cant go in the water there will be a shallow end get your 6yr old arm bands and sit at the side.

CatsCantTwerk · 02/08/2014 11:53

Period or no period you are being completely unreasonable to try and badger your dh into doing something he hates.

AgentZigzag · 02/08/2014 11:53

If they're 11 and 6 he can just watch over them can't he? The 11 YO can keep the 6 YO entertained.

He's going to be on holiday, I can understand why he's not up for doing something he hates, even for the children he obviously loves.

LeBearPolar · 02/08/2014 11:54

Yes: not sure why it is hard to explain to your DC why you want to delay swimming for a couple of days?

But at their ages, I would have thought they would be absolutely fine in the pool with you sitting on the side. I thought you were going to say that they were 2 and 3 or something but 11?!

afterthought · 02/08/2014 11:57

I think YABU. My DP hates swimming and I would never force him. If/when we have DC I still won't force him for any reason as I would be worried about their safety - I would be worried that he wouldn't be able to help them in an incident.

Jinsei · 02/08/2014 11:58

Yes: not sure why it is hard to explain to your DC why you want to delay swimming for a couple of days?

Some women are very cagey with their kids about periods. I don't get it myself, but if people prefer not to talk about it for whatever reason, I get that it would be difficult to explain why they couldn't go swimming without making up some other excuse.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 02/08/2014 11:59

Yes arm bands for the younger one, sit by poolside, no need to get in with them

You and DH MUST be clear on who is watching at any one time, easy to assume the other is watching if you are both poolside

CoffeeTea103 · 02/08/2014 12:00

I Think yabu, I hate swimming myself and would be very upset to be forced into it.

Original poster
neighbourhoodwitch · 02/08/2014 12:01

Thanks again all. He can swim, I'll look at the mooncup idea and I will have a good old think about what you have all said as it sounds on balance like you think IABU so thankyou.

OP posts:
Original poster
neighbourhoodwitch · 02/08/2014 12:02

For the record, I am not forcing him and I did ask nicely. No one could force anyone to go swimming. Thank you again.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 02/08/2014 12:03

I also think YABU. I think with most kid-friendly things parents should just suck it up for the sake of the kids.

Personally tho, Hell will freeze over before I appear in public in little more than a bra and pants. I don't care how crap a parent that makes me.

Suttonmum1 · 02/08/2014 12:05

Contrary to everyone else I say YANBU. You're not really asking him to swim, just to get in with them. Swimming is an important life skill. If you said your husband refused to help them with reading then everyone'd be up in arms.

I have no sympathy at all with your husband.

Beastofburden · 02/08/2014 12:05

Also try some tranexamic acid to shorten the period, if you can take it. Ask your pharmacist. My periods used to stop me swimming for most of a week, tampon or no tampon. Some ppl find the acid does help.

AgentZigzag · 02/08/2014 12:05

Would it be easier for you to accept if there was a legit and very good reason why he doesn't like swimming? Like if he was assaulted in a pool when he was younger?

It's unusual to be able to swim but hate it to the extent he does, so there must be something significant there.

Beastofburden · 02/08/2014 12:08

On the "he's being unsupportive" front I think you should tell him that you will get a moon cup and consider medication so you can do it with them. Just so he understands that he is causing you a lot of inconvenience and could possibly just consider getting over himself Grin

The bear with stick thing is weird, I have to say.

PuppyMonkey · 02/08/2014 12:09

I can't swim and have never been in the pool with my kids. And yet , the world still keeps turning.Grin

Original poster
neighbourhoodwitch · 02/08/2014 12:10

Saucyjack - fair enough.

Suttonmum1 - thank you. Yes, I feel strongly that it is an important life skill (the only sport that saves lives) and I am just trying to pre-empt what may well happen when they see the pool & most kids would want to get in, I am sure. Inside my mind, I think he should just do it anyway, for the kids. It's not like they will be swimming the whole time. It does make me sad though as I always thought we'd retire and live near a beach (East Sussex) and have a beach hut (and swim, obviously!) - sad he will never enjoy that though! :-(

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 02/08/2014 12:11

Reading and swimming are not the same don't be ridiculous, maybe the man has a genuine fear of water swimming is for fun pools on holidays are for leisure it isnt essential. I cant be arsed with this you sacrafice everything for your childrens enjoyment rubbish some people spout

Lemonsole · 02/08/2014 12:11

I don't think YABU. Having kids often involves doing stuff we'd rather not do, and swimming may be one of them, but surely he can just suck it up for once. My kids would explode if they had to watch other people enjoying water slides and fun on holiday, just because a parent didn't fancy it. There's nothing as exciting to children on holiday as the hotel pool, and they always want to get into it ASAP. Unless we're dealing with a phobia here, the DH is showing no empathy towards his kids or towards his wife. Heavy and/or long periods on holiday really, really suck.

If you are at all prone to flooding with your period, it's not simply a case that you're being prudish if you don't combine your period with a swim. It can mean that you cannot. Even with a super plus extra tampon, I still leak in water, for example.

Original poster
neighbourhoodwitch · 02/08/2014 12:12

Thanks again & I have never heard of that acid. Will have a look. Also Beastofburden - thank you. Yes the stick thing makes me sound like a right one? (not nice...)

OP posts:
hamptoncourt · 02/08/2014 12:12

Wow, yes YABU. 11 and 6!!! They should be fine in the pool with you supervising from the sides. Just tell them not to go out of their depth.

I absolutely hate swimming and would only go in a pool if one of my DC was drowning. I fully expect that either you, despite period, or DH, despite his hatred of pools, would also jump in if one of the DC was in peril.

It does sound like a huge overreaction on your part.

CheeryName · 02/08/2014 12:12

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable. I hate soft play but I take the kids. There are lots of things parents do out of love for their kids. Your husband sounds bloody selfish.

Original poster
neighbourhoodwitch · 02/08/2014 12:13

Thank you, lemonsole.

OP posts:
ElephantsNeverForgive · 02/08/2014 12:15

YANBU, I would never have married a man who hates swimming - it's the one form of exercise I actually enjoy and I'm crap with heat unless water is involved.

It's also the one guaranteed way of entertaining the DDs however grumpy they are being.

thecageisfull · 02/08/2014 12:17

I don't swim on my period as I can't use tampons due to a prolapse. I have never been honest with the kids about it because it feels wrong to send the message that your period restricts what you do (dds haven't started yet). I concede I may be being a bit precious. At 11 and 6 I would've thought they'd be OK with someone sitting on the side. I would feel a bit pissed off if m dcs couldn't swim on holiday just because their dad din't feel like it but if he really hates it he can't be forced into it.