to be furious with PIL for drunkenly hurting one of our DC again?

[TractorTam]

Today was BILs wedding. I'm currently sitting in the hotel room with my toddler, DD and DSD trying desperately to keep DSD awake as she had a big bump to the head tonight thanks to MIL. MIL was standing in front of a concrete post and kept encouraging DSD to run into her arms, then one of the times she just moved out of the way at the last second and DSD ran into the post at full speed, banging her head, then her mouth on a nearby table on the way down. She's been too upset to let me look at her mouth properly but I think she may have dislodged one of her adult teeth After it happened, MIL told her 'this is what happens when you get over-excited'

At Christmas there was a family gathering and FIL was playing with DD, throwing her up a little and catching her. Then he missed, she banged her eye on a radiator and ended up with a black eye. MIL has also dropped my toddler but luckily I was able to grab her before she hit the floor.

I might be able to excuse these as accidents were it not for the fact that a) they never apologise or accept blame b) they turn it around to be the DCs fault but most importantly c) they have had copious amounts of alcohol before these 'accidents' happen.

Poor DSD has been distraught about her tooth potentially coming out as it's a front adult one and DH joined in with MILs blaming of her and said she should know not to play with people who have been drinking I said it was MILs responsibility to not play such games if shes been drinking and in no way DSDs fault. No doubt they've all forgotten about it downstairs while DSD is still sobbing into my tummy as we watch Frozen.

PIL are supposed to be having the DCs in a few months as I'm pregnant but knowing they'll probably have a drink to celebrate the birth (and drink most days anyway) I'm feeling extremely reluctant to leave them with them. AIBU to be furious with them?

Jesus! Yanbu! Your poor dsd.

Yanbu.

In hindsight maybe you should have stopped the game, but then I am guessing you would have been labelled as the bad guy spoiling the fun?

I think I would rather risk giving birth alone than ask them to look after children again.

On a side note, advice is now to let children sleep as normal after a bump to the head just checking they are rousable every so often so don't worry too much about keeping her awake (although of course always get checked if worried!) hope she is ok and her tooth survives.

I'm not sure I'd want to my children be around them at any occasion where they would be drinking excessively. What would it take to get them to realise how dickish their behaviour was, knocking somebody out?

My god u r absolutely right to be furious. Now channel that anger into protecting those children from experiences like this in the future. Physical harm, also emotional harm from your mil, what was she thinking tricking a wee child into running into a concrete post.
Time to make a plan with those in your family u trust about how to ensure all children in the family are safe especially when adults are drinking. This may mean no contact. Supervised contact doesn't seem to be working too well? I would not be relying on them for childcare around the new baby.

How old is DSD? Is she old enough to be told not to play like that? More to the point are your PIL adult enough to be told the same...

Id tend to not think too badly about missing catching dd(although I'd be damned it he was ever alone ?ith my child again) but it sounds like mil deliberately moved so Dsd ran into the post?.

That is awful!

YANBU.

I knew you were NBU before I read the post. Of course you will be furious. Either no alcohol or no kids left alone with them, and your DH needs to step up and not tell poor DSD it's her fault she could be losing a tooth due to his mothers carelessness! Poor DSD! for you and for her.

"She should know not to play with people who've been drinking"

I'd ask him to have a long, hard think about whether that is acceptable.

Did she move out of the way on purpose?!

Your DH sounds a bit of an idiot if he was blaming his child for MIL stupidity.

YANBU for being upset, but YABU to have allowed them in that position in the first place. You're the adult and the parent. Sorry, I know that's not what you'll want to hear. x

And what is your dh doing now?? He should be with you and his dc, helping.

Your pil sound pants and insane. What a crap game - and inappropriate for a wedding! Maybe head games off at the pass in future?.

Please take dsd to an emergency dentist ASAP!! Hopefully they can save her tooth. If not, she will need an implant, which is really expensive.

Does she need to see an emergency dentist?

Don't ever leave her with them again :(

Sorry but put all this shit to one side and take that child to hospital NOW.

Not a adult drunken escapade but I had a bad fall when I was 10 and lost all my front teeth. Its been a psychological issue to deal with. I have no idea why you are posting here when your child needs medical treatment

Well, yes, if she has hurt her tooth! If it was my dd, I would be getting medical advice right away.

If they had a drunken car accident, injuring or killing someone, do they think the judge would be impressed if they excused it by saying "the'victim' should know not to travel on the same roads with people who have been drinking"? Hah!

Your poor DSD! Thank goodness she has got you, because her GPs don't sound fit to be with children, and her father is an arse!

You are NOT BU to be furious with them and I really hope you can hold on to that fury until tomorrow, then when they are sober manage to condense it into a calm, quiet, white-hot anger and ..... let them have it with both barrels.

I think I would also be inclined to let your DSD's mother know exactly what happened (if she is involved in her DD's, your DSD's, life). Does DSD usually live with you?

As to your ILs having your DC when you are having the baby ... no, not if there are any other arrangements you can make. I also think you should tell them why and tell them they have got a hugely long way to go to earn your trust.

I hope your DSD is okay!

Can you get DSD to a dentist tomorrow?

TBH it almost sounds bad enough for A&E! How old are they?

The other incidents may have been 'accidents'. This one was absolutely deliberate. Your MIL deliberately moved out of the way so your DSD hurt herself. That is just terrible.

And your DH's reaction makes me so angry on your DSD's behalf. I can't bring myself to comment tbh.

Dickie they're the adult and the grandparent, how is it my fault but not theirs?? Like I said, they drink most days so should I step in and say no every time they playwith their grandchildren (can you imagine how that'd go down??)

Yanbu to never trust them again with your DC. Yanbu to want to tell them exactly why. Your DH is BU to have a go at your DSD.

But if you are that worried about your DSD, then is it worth going to A&E?

I would phone NHS direct and ask where the nearest A and E with an onsite dentist is.

Dd1 smashed her teeth when she was 3. Her front tooth looked misplaced. We were told had we gotten her to the local emergency dentist soon after she'd done it, they'd have been able to push her fractured gum back into place and save the tooth, but as it was we left it until the next day and the nerves had died and the gum had started setting already, so there was nothing they could do besides pain management.

Luckily her adult teeth seem unaffected as yet.

Really they cannot be trusted to look after the children on their own, they don't sound very responsible. If you see they are playing and its getting out of hand, i would step in and break up the game.