to be furious with PIL for drunkenly hurting one of our DC again?

[TractorTam]

Today was BILs wedding. I'm currently sitting in the hotel room with my toddler, DD and DSD trying desperately to keep DSD awake as she had a big bump to the head tonight thanks to MIL. MIL was standing in front of a concrete post and kept encouraging DSD to run into her arms, then one of the times she just moved out of the way at the last second and DSD ran into the post at full speed, banging her head, then her mouth on a nearby table on the way down. She's been too upset to let me look at her mouth properly but I think she may have dislodged one of her adult teeth After it happened, MIL told her 'this is what happens when you get over-excited'

At Christmas there was a family gathering and FIL was playing with DD, throwing her up a little and catching her. Then he missed, she banged her eye on a radiator and ended up with a black eye. MIL has also dropped my toddler but luckily I was able to grab her before she hit the floor.

I might be able to excuse these as accidents were it not for the fact that a) they never apologise or accept blame b) they turn it around to be the DCs fault but most importantly c) they have had copious amounts of alcohol before these 'accidents' happen.

Poor DSD has been distraught about her tooth potentially coming out as it's a front adult one and DH joined in with MILs blaming of her and said she should know not to play with people who have been drinking I said it was MILs responsibility to not play such games if shes been drinking and in no way DSDs fault. No doubt they've all forgotten about it downstairs while DSD is still sobbing into my tummy as we watch Frozen.

PIL are supposed to be having the DCs in a few months as I'm pregnant but knowing they'll probably have a drink to celebrate the birth (and drink most days anyway) I'm feeling extremely reluctant to leave them with them. AIBU to be furious with them?

Your DH sounds like an arsehole. Wonder where ye got it from.

Who would you ask to look after the DC if the parents in law weren't around?

Hope DSD is ok the poor mite.

Go to an emergency dentist. Tonight. Go to an A&E - they will have a dentist or they will be able to tell you where to go. Everything else can wait.

She has been incredibly brave and the three girls are all asleep on me now. I've sent DH a message telling him he can stay in his other brothers room as our bed is taken.

He not ye!

At a wedding, I don't see how you can keep your eyes on three children all the time anyway, the toddler yes, but older children it is perfectly reasonable to expect them to be able to wander around a bit and play with other relatives without them doing stupid things because they are drunk.

Would DSDs mum (huge assumptions about her being around/sharing custody etc etc on my part) agree with you -I should hope she would tbh - could you tell her what has happened and get her to back you up regarding the inlaws minding/playing with DSD?
Since DSDs mum will have to be told, get in as soon as you can before DH and his parents convince poor DSD it was somehow "her fault" that her grandmother is a cruel arse

"Hi PIL, it Tractor here. If I go into labour and you have my children, I really need to know that you won't be drinking at all. Is that ok? Oh it's not? Why is that?
Oh well no worries, I'll just make some other arrangements. Lots of love, bye."

Am struggling to see a problem

THIS from Miscellaneous

"A. Take dsd to a&e and see if the tooth can be saved (I'd now say emergency dentist tomorrow)
B. get fucking angry
C. Talk to dh and get him onside, this situation isn't acceptable
D. Find another plan for when you have the baby.
E. make plan to ensure the children are never hurt again. And if you can't do that without limiting pil contact, so be it"

Find someone who will have the DC for the birth. I would do this for someone in your position so you might be surprised at how receptive people will be. Make that arrangement so that they will get DC at the right time and the PILs won't get near them.

And tell your DickheadkH (cough) you are going to start telling other people exactly why you don't want his parents looking after the DC. Why should you keep their dirty little secret, and have to accept that they drink too much and then let your DC get hurt?

You would've thought so, wouldn't you napoleon? I already get accused of hovering over the toddler when PIL are around (perhaps because they're adept at making her cry then leaving me to deal with it!) so to follow an 8 yr old as she talks to/plays with her GPs certainly wouldn't go down well.

"Absolutely no one, ADish. I'm thinking of a home birth but if anything went wrong, DH wants PIL on stand by"

In that case you really do have to draw the line ... in fact, I wouldn't just draw it, I'd engrave it on his forehead.

I don't think I'd even bother trying to communicate with his parents over this ... tell him. Make sure he understands that there is no room for compromise on this, that you won't be backing down, and that you completely expect him to be on your 'side', every step of the way.

You might as well find out now if he's a man or a mollusc ... time to show his backbone.

Plus it makes no sense at all that children are expected to take decisions about who to play with and when, then adults have no responsibility on this, apparently. Pathetic apologism. Tell people this is what happens. Don't keep it quiet and allow them to pretend this is normal and just you 'over-reacting'.

There are no other arrangements Dickie, other than DH missing the birth, which PIL know and don't think I'd let happen.

DSD mum is around and would no doubt be furious. But that'd probably result in her stopping contact with us

Well you need to call in some favours and MAKE some arrangements.

If DH wants to be there, he can make other arrangements for the DC. At this moment in time I'd rather just give birth alone and know the DC are ok with him.

Oh for goodness sake. You're cutting off your nose to spite your face there!

Your poor DSD.

Yanbu, I'd be fucking fuming. Why should she know how to deal with drunk people at EIGHT YEARS OLD?!

Your poor DSD.

Yanbu, I'd be fucking fuming. Why should she know how to deal with drunk people at EIGHT YEARS OLD?!

But if DSD is being abused (and let's be blunt, deliberately causing a child to run face first into a concrete surface for your own amusement, then blaming that child for her injuries is abusive) then she will be better off without contact...

Not really, I have no issue giving birth alone. I'd be happier and therefore the birth would hopefully be smoother knowing for sure the other DC are ok.

I'm sorry OP, but if your DSD is going to get injured because her DF and grandparents can't control their drinking, her mother is right to withdraw contact. If that was my daughter, there would be hell to pay.

I appreciate that you are pregnant, but allowing a child with a head injury and dental damage to sit in a room sobbing whilst her father is off getting pissed, rather than getting her medical attention is disgusting.

You need to start considering your options, because this whole situation is neglectful.

I wouldn't say it was deliberate, MIL moved to get her drink, seemingly forgetting what she'd been playing with DSD

Tractor, this is another in a string of problems where your DH has behaved like a dick.

Does he ever support you?

That's irrelevant. Your DSD needs medical attention.

Not getting medical attention has nothing to do with me being pregnant I've considered it more carefully than I would my own child and don't think A&E is necessary. She is shaken up and upset by being blamed more than being physically hurt.