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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend walked out of restaurant without paying

456 replies

GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:13

NC for this. Long time MNetter, been on the site for years. Promise!

I went out last night with a friend and his brother and girlfriend. The friend lives abroad and is back for a few days so it was a nice chance to see him.

They had already eaten when I arrived (an independent gastro bar with table service) and then together we had a round of drinks before planning to move on to another bar.

We asked for the bill, which included the total of the food/drinks they had before I arrived and then the one round of drinks we had together.

When it arrived, friend said "let's just walk out, shall we?" Before I could even fathom what he meant, his DB and GF had agreed and they stood up and walked out.

I was completely Shock Shock and had to make a split second decision about what to do. The bill was large and I couldn't afford to pay it all - nor felt morally at the time that I should - I put the money on the table for my drink and left feeling mortified.

I am usually very assertive but I was just so shocked I didn't know how to handle it. I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't call them up on it (they were all so cool about doing it) so en route to the next bar I feigned illness and came home.

It can't be a money thing, DF and his GF both have very good jobs, the brother is working.

AIBU to be absolutely mortified at being part of this? I feel that they have implicated me in this and any repercussions. Should I have paid the lot? Should I call the bar and give them DF's details?

OP posts:
WellnowImFucked · 31/07/2014 21:42

Happens more than people realise, everyone thinks it won't matter.

Friend and I once went out for a very nice meal rather a lot of cocktails and wine was taken. .

Said to friend ask for the bill, I'm going to the loo, get back say 'all right' she replies 'All right' pops to the loo I ask the waitress to call us a cab. Friend comes back same conversation.

Cab arrives, waitress actually tells us, we (stagger) out.
Next morning after lots of fluid and bacon I say to her 'tell me what I owe you and I'll go to the cash point when we're out' she calls me a sarky cow, says yea yea I'll give you my half. . . After a bit of [hmmm] we suddenly realise we'd walked out without paying.

Being good lapsed Catholics we both instantly assume that (a) the cops will be knocking on the door any minute (b) we're going to hell.

Rush to get sorted & dressed and rush to restaurant explain and say can we pay now so very very sorry.

Owner, bless him, said not to worry he'd already written it off but was so pleased that we'd come in and we'd restored his faith in the general public. Told us that he mentally wrote off at least 4 meals a night. On a good night! I was seriously shocked, no wonder so many places go under.

trufflehunterthebadger · 31/07/2014 21:43

ilick
OP has not committed any offences as there is no dishonesty on her behalf (one if the points to prove for MOWP).

Op i suggest you go to the police or restaurant. The restaurant will undoubtably have reported the theft so i think this would be the most sensible option to just be upfront

LindyHemming · 31/07/2014 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KillmeNow · 31/07/2014 21:44

I cant believe that someone has the brass neck to walk out without paying -and include an innocent friend on their wrongdoing.

Are you absolutely sure op that the friend hadnt secretly paid the bill at the bar? Its just the I have a friend whop does that and sometimes its a competition to see who gets to the bar to pay first.

If it really wasn't paid then the bastard deserves everything he's got coming to him.

Coughle · 31/07/2014 21:46

Z x( vm

ILickPicnMix · 31/07/2014 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Susyb30 · 31/07/2014 21:47

Restaurant's will take this very seriously. Its stealing, the same as shoplifting is to shops. Im not surprised you were mortified op..personally I would have been saying to them rather thanssaying you weren't feeling great and going home. If I was in a position to pay then I would have..what a bunch of disgusting idiots, how dare they put you in a situation like that! I remember once working in a coffee shop years ago and someone ran out without paying. .my boss was absolutely raging, so can only imagine how the management were feeling about this. Hope there aren't any repercussions for you. You are doing the right thing. .and at least you won't be hanging out with these horrible people again!

trufflehunterthebadger · 31/07/2014 21:48

i imagine they can force you with the threat of arrest, ILickPicnMix; either you name the other people or you take the blame yourself
No, that is not how our system works

MissBeehiving · 31/07/2014 21:48

Dine and Dash my arse.

AntoinetteCosway · 31/07/2014 21:50

I walked out of our local pub once without paying for my mea or drinks-I had a tab at the bar. I got home and realised what I'd done and was so mortified. To make matters worse it was a small village where everyone knew everyone so I was convinced the manager was going to tell everyone I was a thieving bastard! I went in at lunchtime the next day to apologise and pay and he was absolutely lovely about it, which made me feel even worse! I can't imagine doing it on purpose. Do these people not have consciences?!

Lottiedoubtie · 31/07/2014 21:51

I did this once twice in two different a village pub, but it was totally by accident. We were having a meeting s ate, and then did the meeting so when we eventually left it was a couple of hours after the meal and it totally slipped our minds.

Obviously on both shameful occasions I went back the next day, apologised profusely and paid. both of the Manager s I spoke to had written it off but were really pleased to get the money and we remained on good terms, went back regularly etc...

To do it deliberately to avoid paying is just totally immoral.

EvaBeaversProtege · 31/07/2014 21:52

Is there a chance they paid the bill before you arrived & are joking with you?

Choochootrain1 · 31/07/2014 21:53

Disgusting behaviour by your friends. Also incredibly dismissive towards you, did anyone stop to see if you were OK with that set up, in your neck of the woods, in a bar you like? no.

I would report to the police, and also contact the restaurant to explain you are very sorry for your friends behaviour and that you have called the police after realising what happened.

I wouldn't associate with them after that, if they asked why - I'd tell them how selfish and immoral they were.

chesterberry · 31/07/2014 21:53

No, that is not how our system works

But if you refused to name the people you were with having witnessed them commit a crime the restaurant, in calling the police, would put the blame on you and expect the police to consider you as a suspect? I don't mean you would necessarily be charged even if you didn't name them, but presumably the restaurant would want the police to check that you really weren't party to the crime? Wouldn't the onus be on you to prove that you weren't involved in the theft and that you genuinely weren't there with the intent to be an accomplice in the crime?

CatThiefKeith · 31/07/2014 21:55

When I worked for a large restaurant chain the server used to have any 'runners' bills deducted from their wages.

The theory being you weren't giving good service if you didn't notice them up and leave.

Fortunately it only happened to me once.Sad

comediewithme · 31/07/2014 21:58

My friend was a waitress in a restaurant that was notorious for this. 4 people ran out after their mains and she was forced to pay for 4 dinners. She was on minimum wage as it was Sad

Coughle · 31/07/2014 22:02

Sorry, toddler

stealthsquiggle · 31/07/2014 22:03

Very glad you called the bar, OP. I hope you can sort it out to make sure you are 100% in the clear.

TobyZiegler · 31/07/2014 22:03

Is there a chance they paid the bill before you arrived & are joking with you?

This was my first thought too. I can't imagine people do this unless it's accidental.

flyingtrue · 31/07/2014 22:04

Wow cheap bastards, good on you for letting the bar know OP and all your mutual friends. If I heard a friend did this I'd not e going out with them!

wowfudge · 31/07/2014 22:05

Putting the theft issue aside, what 'friend' leaves another person to carry the can like that when they aren't even party to the theft? I'd have no qualms about giving their names, etc. You live in the area and you will never have to see these lowlifes again.

You are absolutely certain they hadn't paid? Has the manager called you back?

DoristheCamel · 31/07/2014 22:06

I would be so pissed off with these friends and it would be the end of the friendship for me.

What a horrible situation to be in.

I can fully understand that in the shock of the moment you reacted as you did.

I think I might contact the restaurant as you have.

Have they got back to you yet?

ThatBloodyWoman · 31/07/2014 22:08

I'm surprised at the level of disbelief over people intentionally doing this sort of thing.

Of course people do it deliberately -its a thrill, a kick.

wowfudge · 31/07/2014 22:13

The reason I've asked the OP is she sure is because she said she was so shocked she didn't mention it. If it was a wind up by friends, it doesn't work as a wind up if the other person doesn't say or do anything IYSWIM.

Susyb30 · 31/07/2014 22:17

It may well be "a thrill or a kick" to these thieving bastards..but its theft plain and simple. Its hard enough these days for bars and restaurants to keep their heads above water, without people stealing like this from them.

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