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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend walked out of restaurant without paying

456 replies

GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:13

NC for this. Long time MNetter, been on the site for years. Promise!

I went out last night with a friend and his brother and girlfriend. The friend lives abroad and is back for a few days so it was a nice chance to see him.

They had already eaten when I arrived (an independent gastro bar with table service) and then together we had a round of drinks before planning to move on to another bar.

We asked for the bill, which included the total of the food/drinks they had before I arrived and then the one round of drinks we had together.

When it arrived, friend said "let's just walk out, shall we?" Before I could even fathom what he meant, his DB and GF had agreed and they stood up and walked out.

I was completely Shock Shock and had to make a split second decision about what to do. The bill was large and I couldn't afford to pay it all - nor felt morally at the time that I should - I put the money on the table for my drink and left feeling mortified.

I am usually very assertive but I was just so shocked I didn't know how to handle it. I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't call them up on it (they were all so cool about doing it) so en route to the next bar I feigned illness and came home.

It can't be a money thing, DF and his GF both have very good jobs, the brother is working.

AIBU to be absolutely mortified at being part of this? I feel that they have implicated me in this and any repercussions. Should I have paid the lot? Should I call the bar and give them DF's details?

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 31/07/2014 20:29

Awful behaviour from them Shock - I can completely understand why you want nothing more to do with them.

Given that the OP did leave money for her share (she had a drink, no meal) I don't think she is under any obligation whatsoever to cough up for them, credit card or not.

PlacidApricots · 31/07/2014 20:30

SHE DID PAY HER SHARE ILICKPICNMIX

PlacidApricots · 31/07/2014 20:30

oh shit caps sorry

ToffeeMoon · 31/07/2014 20:30

Sorry, just seen you didn't eat anything, so it's not for you to cover the meal.

However, you really should have called them on it.

Goldmandra · 31/07/2014 20:30

it is quite odd you said nothing at all afterwards.

I don't think it's odd at all. It takes a lot of courage to call people on things like this, especially when you know they are likely to ridicule you for it and minimise your concerns.

OP, I would be very concerned about the possibility of police involvement. As it is, you have paid for your drink so have not stolen anything. I would contact them myself first if it were me.

Pugaboo · 31/07/2014 20:30

I would contact them and tell them they need to pay. You might be able to shame them into it. Tell the story above re: people arrested, say you don't want to be arrested yourself.

Imnotaslimjim · 31/07/2014 20:31

Ilick op said she left her share on the table

Op, I would report them personally. Go back and explain that you left in a state of shock, but having thought on,you don't agree with what they did. Give whatever details you can to get the money recovered

Original poster
GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:31

I did (in the very short time I had) a quick weighing up of my options. I paid for my drink, any CCTV/staff memory etc would show that I didn't eat/drink any of the unpaid items.

I'm extremely surprised in myself that I didn't challenge them, but in all honestly the whole thing seemed so bizarre, and their attitudes were so confident and assured that I was thrown off.

I think I will contact the bar. Give them his contact details.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 31/07/2014 20:31

I think that is pretty low down behaviour from them. I'd certainly have nothing more to do with them and would be tempted to inform the restaurant. Because really if you do nothing it will look as if you were part of the deception even though you paid for your drink. And you don't want to see yourself on Crimewatch.

ShirleyYoureNotSerious · 31/07/2014 20:31

A "friend" did this to DH and I years ago. It was a busy bistro and we were meeting prior to all going to a concert. He just said, well I'm done, l'm off to the concert, they won't notice and upped and left. We were open mouthed! We paid the bill we'd run up (there were similar circumstances, he'd got there earlier in the day, eaten there as arranged between us before we met, and we turned up for drinks later in the evening after work). We didn't pay his (considerably more expensive) part and told the restaurant staff why.

The next day I called him and read the riot act and he acted all surprised as if it was normal to walk out of a restaurant without paying. He wanted to continue the friendship and was trying to be all matey-matey with me so it wasn't as if he'd left because DH or I had upset or offended him in any way. He was just being an arse.

My next call was to the restaurant with his name, address and business address details.

He called me several times trying to re-ignite the friendship and couldn't understand why I wanted nothing to do with him.

MadameDefarge · 31/07/2014 20:32

A group did this to me one lunch service. I had popped out to buy some stuff and when I got back they were walking across the road, my waitress standing open mouthed at them...turns out the smoke alarm had gone off and it wouldn't go off...but instead of waiting the two minutes it took for me to get back, they decided they wouldn't pay for their food. All six of them, starters, mains, drinks.. I would of course have comped them something for the inconvenience! But just to walk out. Entitled little shits. (might have a bit of hipster hating going on now).

They got their comeuppance, as a stall holder (market on that day) saw what they had done and followed them to the local pub and shamed them in front of everyone having a Sunday drink.

I got the money back the next day!

burgatroyd · 31/07/2014 20:34

This happened to me. Was in my early twenties. Ended up paying the bill in the end.

Its called Dine and Dash.

Frontier · 31/07/2014 20:35

I'm amazed this doesn't happen more often. It just seems so easy, although I've never tried it! I guess it proves that the vast majority of people are basically decent. Unfortunately, you probably made it easier for them, by putting money on the table it looked to watching staff like the bill had been paid?

I don't blame you though, I think in the circumstances you did what you could. Perhaps it would have been better to stay and give the bar their details but I too would have worried that I would be "made" to pay the full amount with no prospect of recovering it from "friends"

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 31/07/2014 20:35

To do it so cooly and blatantly, I'm guessing they've done it before and do it a fair bit.

I'd give the restaurant their contact details. And drop them like the pieces of shit they are.

specialsubject · 31/07/2014 20:36

don't let any of this lot in your house. they steal.

phantomnamechanger · 31/07/2014 20:37

I think I would probably have been too shocked to react at the time, but I would distance myself, ease up on contact, have another engagement next time they wanted to meet up.

if they are doing this so blatantly, what else do they have no morals over?

ThatBloodyWoman · 31/07/2014 20:38

I wouldn't tell on them, just wouldn't eat out with them again.

Notcontent · 31/07/2014 20:38

Oh, my gosh! Poor you.
For your own peace of mind I would contact the bar and explain.
I can understand why you didn't challenge your friends - you must have been completely shocked.

Original poster
GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:39

Believe me I will be dropping this "friend" like a ton of bricks.

They live in a cosmopolitan city, it wouldn't surprise me if they pull this stunt at a different restaurant every week.

I have already started telling our mutual friends, who are all shocked.

OP posts:
OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 31/07/2014 20:41

Totally unacceptable behaviour. I would have no qualms about giving details to the restaurant.

I've always wondered how often it happens though - sometimes it takes a bit of effort to get the staff's attention so it could be quite easy to just walk out if you were that way inclined.

I suppose most people are honest, or restaurants would keep a closer eye on their customers, or ask for payment up front.

On a similar vein, I read about a well off commuter not so long ago who didn't pay his full rail fare in London for years. He had some scam where he paid for a very short distance ticket, but travelled much further and was caught eventually - I think he might have also lost his job over it as he was something like a solicitor that is not allowed to have a criminal record.

WanderingTrolley1 · 31/07/2014 20:42

What awful people.

chesterberry · 31/07/2014 20:44

YANBU. I just don't see how anybody can think this is okay really but have friends who used to walk out of places without paying quite regularly.

I ate out with them several times when they have suggested doing this (usually when service had been poor or restaurant was very expensive). Aside from feeling that it's morally wrong I have a job which requires a CRB check so can't risk being caught doing something which could get me a police record. I always called my friends on it and said no way, I wouldn't be involved etc and they have never walked out with me there (I know they have done it in places when I haven't been around) but they made me feel like the unreasonable one for refusing to do so.

It got to where I would always stipulate before going out for a meal with them that I wouldn't be up for it if they were planning on walking out, it was a real bug-bear of mine but they were otherwise good people and very good things. Think there was some feeling of safety in numbers, don't think any of them would have done it individually but as a group they felt it was more acceptable.

I say if you get a chance call your friend up on it and make sure he knows you don't find it acceptable. I don't think you're being unreasonable to feel you don't want to hang out with him any more either, it is horrible when the actions of others implicate you.

fortyplus · 31/07/2014 20:45

I was once out with a large group of friends and when the bill came we'd been under charged by £100. We'd had a great night, the food and service were excellent so we pointed out the error and paid the full amount plus service. Because we're not thieves.

hollie84 · 31/07/2014 20:47

What an unfair position to put you in!

Given that this is a bar local to you, which you will no longer be able to go to, I would call your friend and insist they sort it out for you.

Up to them if they want to dine and dash, but they can't expect you to deal with the consequences.

splendide · 31/07/2014 20:48

I know the story you mean Ilkley. He didn't lose his job, he paid the difference as a settlement meaning he could stay anonymous and keep the job/ standing. I think he paid £30k or something, loads.

If this had happened to me I think I would have paid actually. I can see why you didn't though.

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