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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend walked out of restaurant without paying

456 replies

GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:13

NC for this. Long time MNetter, been on the site for years. Promise!

I went out last night with a friend and his brother and girlfriend. The friend lives abroad and is back for a few days so it was a nice chance to see him.

They had already eaten when I arrived (an independent gastro bar with table service) and then together we had a round of drinks before planning to move on to another bar.

We asked for the bill, which included the total of the food/drinks they had before I arrived and then the one round of drinks we had together.

When it arrived, friend said "let's just walk out, shall we?" Before I could even fathom what he meant, his DB and GF had agreed and they stood up and walked out.

I was completely Shock Shock and had to make a split second decision about what to do. The bill was large and I couldn't afford to pay it all - nor felt morally at the time that I should - I put the money on the table for my drink and left feeling mortified.

I am usually very assertive but I was just so shocked I didn't know how to handle it. I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't call them up on it (they were all so cool about doing it) so en route to the next bar I feigned illness and came home.

It can't be a money thing, DF and his GF both have very good jobs, the brother is working.

AIBU to be absolutely mortified at being part of this? I feel that they have implicated me in this and any repercussions. Should I have paid the lot? Should I call the bar and give them DF's details?

OP posts:
slithytove · 03/08/2014 22:08

Good thing OP didn't do it then sinister.

Plus, thanks to the OP, the bill has been paid and the real thieves shamed.

So perhaps you should retract your comment with an apology?

Fwiw OP, you've done well.
In your scenario, I would have taken out £x in cash, no cards, to make sure I didn't overspend. I don't have a credit card.

sinisterfish · 03/08/2014 22:09

why would my posts suggest i would be in the habit of letting other pay for my food? to the contrary i have said i would have paid for others why did the runner i would feel so shit to not do otherwise?

sinisterfish · 03/08/2014 22:11

well i apologise if i have missed something but i did think i read the ops posts. didn't realise this was quite so old.

DirtyDancing · 03/08/2014 22:14

OP if your 'DF' says anything I would just reply telling h

WitchWay · 03/08/2014 22:15

Ha ha ha - good for their mum Grin

TheReluctantCountess · 03/08/2014 22:17

I'd be so cross that they legged it with your still there. What did they think would happen if you had been stopped by staff as you left?
I'm glad you got it sorted.

DirtyDancing · 03/08/2014 22:17

Him that he's a common thief. I don't know why people think it's acceptable to steel from restaurants. They wouldn't wheel a trolley full of shopping out of Tesco without paying.

bubalou · 03/08/2014 22:18

Not sure if someone has said this as I haven't read a all the replies but when I was a waitress I used to have to pay if a table did this.

I hope this is not the case and the poor staff didn't have to foot the bill out of their wages Hmm

carlywurly · 03/08/2014 22:19

I posted about something similar a few months ago. I've never gone out with those people since. Still annoys me now when I think about it.
It's the shock at the time though - renders you speechless Hmm

MrsMikeDelfino · 03/08/2014 22:22

why wouldn't the manager have a go at the op, she should have stuck it on her credit card at least.

Not everyone has a credit card. If a so called friend had pulled this trick on me and legged it out of the restaurant, I'd only have had the means to pay for my own.
Have read the whole thread, and good on the mum for getting him told. Even grown ups aren't too old for a rollocking from their mum! Grin

sinisterfish · 03/08/2014 22:26

i know maybe people should have credit card though if they go out alot with people who are a bit dodge

TheReluctantCountess · 03/08/2014 22:29

Not everyone is able to get a credit card.

And 'alot' isn't a word.

FreeWee · 03/08/2014 22:34

I met some girls at an event a few months ago. They seemed lovely until they started telling stories about dining and dashing. I couldn't really bring myself to like them after that. I'd probably ditch my friend too if they did this to me. Well played OP. Glad they got a bollocking from their mum! Never too old as you say!

Original poster
GermanHouseCat · 03/08/2014 22:37

I am able to get a credit card sinisterfish. However, I have so far not needed one, and I do not base my financial decisions on the likelihood of being forced to cover food and drink costs of other people. Hmm

OP posts:
kali110 · 04/08/2014 00:20

Dont think people should have to get a credit card if they go out a lot just in case this happens

HappySeaTurtles · 04/08/2014 00:27

Yeah, I don't have a credit card atm, and if this happened and I had to cover it, a $100+? That's bill money being taken. I'd be fighting my "friends" to get it paid back to me, if I ever did. A restaurant has the means to say "You stole, pay up". Covering a bill is a grey area because even in court it can be argued that you willingly paid the bill.

You did the right thing OP. No fucking way would I pay that amount of money when all I bought was a drink. I'm no one's keeper.

Stratter5 · 04/08/2014 00:42

I don't have a credit card either; maybe I'm old fashioned, but if I can't afford something, I don't buy it. All I 'owe' is my mortgage, I cope perfectly well without a credit card.

Well done OP, great result.

NoodleOodle · 04/08/2014 05:48

I actually think the OP did the right thing, completely, by paying what she owed, and then making an excuse to leave the group of 'friends'. Imo it was more sensible and better for her personal safety to NOT call the group out on their crime there and then, but make sure she didn't participate in the crime by paying for her drinks.

Had she called attention to the crime whilst still inside the venue, there would have been the potential for a volatile reaction from two directions - the staff, and the group of 'friends'. As has been described in this thread, staff can react in an aggressive and or threatening way in these circumstances, and that is an unknown that the OP is sensible to have avoided. And, the 'friends' had proved themselves to be unpredictable and unknown quantities by the very act of the theft, so couldn't be trusted to react reasonably if confronted by the OP either inside the venue or out.

As the OP then made her best efforts to report the crime and assist the business in recovery of their financial loses at the earliest available SAFE opportunity, I think the OP's actions were ideal and commendable both morally and in consideration of her own personal safety.

I therefore also think it is unfair to criticise the OP for not acting on the crime earlier, as I believe that personal safety trumps financial losses, and the OP's safety couldn't have been assured in any better way than by removing herself from the situation under the ruse of feeling unwell.

Having read the whole thread, the discovery that staff are sometimes (often?) used to make up the business's losses in such cases, a disturbing phenomenon, and wonder what can be done to raise awareness of this and prevent it from continuing?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/08/2014 06:15

Glad to hear it's worked out OP. Think you're absolutely right to ditch him.

OnlyLovers · 04/08/2014 09:19

Well done, OP, and good for the mum, although how embarrassing to be a grown-up and be bollocked by your parent. Grin

sinister, another FFS from me.

  1. The OP didn't 'run out with them'. She stayed and paid her share.
  2. Why the fuck should someone feel obligated to have a credit card just because they 'go out a lot'?
  3. Where does the OP say she does 'go out a lot'?
  4. Do you really think everyone should, effectively, indemnify themselves against people who they think are friends in case those people turn out to be 'a bit dodge'/ I mean, REALLY?
MaryWestmacott · 04/08/2014 09:34

I was also shocked to read its normal practice to deduct the loss from the waiting staff's wage!

That should be make more publically aware, those dull wankers who think they are 'sticking it to the man' by doing a 'dine and dash' might think twice if they don't think they are taking money from a posh restaurant owner, or a large chain who can 'afford it' but from someone earning little more than NMW. It's not a company but a person who loses the money.

Its seen by a lot of people in the same terms as shop lifting, OK if it's from a big company, they have big enough profits anyway, but not from small businesses with sole traders so you are stealing from person not a company. (this is not a view I agree with BTW, but there was an illuminating thread on here a while back when lots of people admitted to shop lifting when they were skint, the general view amongst those who stole was it was ok from places like tescos but not from a small family run corner shop, realising that a waitress would lose their income for the day might make them think twice about doing a dine and dash)

riverboat1 · 04/08/2014 09:50

I used to work at pizza hut, the practice with customers who walked out there was to make the waitress hand over all their tips from that shift to contribute towards the bill. But they didn't actually cut into your wages. Still really unfair though.

wowfudge · 04/08/2014 10:29

Mary unfortunately I think that with a lot of the excuses for human beings who think this thieving practice is acceptable, this would have no effect. In fact it could be something some numpties would choose to do to 'punish' a waiter/waitress they took a dislike to for whatever reason.

HermioneDanger · 04/08/2014 10:38

riverboat it was the same for me when I worked at a posh hotel as a waitress. We'd have to hand over our tips. It used to really annoy me when people tipped after we'd had a walkout knowing that they didn't want their tip to be for someone else's food, they'd want it to be for the staff but being unable to stop them from tipping us.

MadameDefarge · 04/08/2014 11:18

I'm pretty sure taking your tips is totally illegal. The law around tips is complicated but absolute. However the restaurant owner CAN take all the tips as income, and not distribute them. But if they agree the staff can keep them, then there are rules about who is in control of them (for tax purposes) and how they are distributed.

The only rule I made was that head wait person was in charge (torque master I think its called) and they split them with all the staff, including the kitchen (excluding me).

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