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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend walked out of restaurant without paying

456 replies

GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:13

NC for this. Long time MNetter, been on the site for years. Promise!

I went out last night with a friend and his brother and girlfriend. The friend lives abroad and is back for a few days so it was a nice chance to see him.

They had already eaten when I arrived (an independent gastro bar with table service) and then together we had a round of drinks before planning to move on to another bar.

We asked for the bill, which included the total of the food/drinks they had before I arrived and then the one round of drinks we had together.

When it arrived, friend said "let's just walk out, shall we?" Before I could even fathom what he meant, his DB and GF had agreed and they stood up and walked out.

I was completely Shock Shock and had to make a split second decision about what to do. The bill was large and I couldn't afford to pay it all - nor felt morally at the time that I should - I put the money on the table for my drink and left feeling mortified.

I am usually very assertive but I was just so shocked I didn't know how to handle it. I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't call them up on it (they were all so cool about doing it) so en route to the next bar I feigned illness and came home.

It can't be a money thing, DF and his GF both have very good jobs, the brother is working.

AIBU to be absolutely mortified at being part of this? I feel that they have implicated me in this and any repercussions. Should I have paid the lot? Should I call the bar and give them DF's details?

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 01/08/2014 08:11

I don't think that the op should have paid. Personally I would have, because at the time it would have been the least stressful and embarrassing thing to do. I've left accidentally a couple of times (although one time was my ex local and they only allowed tabs if you put your card behind the bar, so they weren't too concerned Grin )

I would never, ever have gone anywhere with them again and would have asked for the money back.

yanbu in any way op. I would be absolutely furious.

Picklepest · 01/08/2014 08:28

I went out with a group of friends years ago, about 12 of us. The service was shocking. When the bill came back it was 12% service which at that time was steep not average. We agonised over it and put down the money for the meal but not the 12%. And got out fast. We were still convinced we were going to get calls from the police. And that was just the tip! No way I could not pay for a meal. I'd rather complain assuming the food or service was bad.

upyourninja · 01/08/2014 08:35

I think you did the right thing OP. Any updates?

In my first waitressing job I worked for a paltry (illegal I think) £2.50 an hour. My boss was temperamental and unpredictable and generally unpleasant to work for. The business's was struggling so she often understaffed. I was made to work one Mother's Day and a party of 17 people left without paying. To this day I really hope it was a miscommunication between parties. (The food was fine and the service was friendly and as fast as we could manage).

Our boss took the bill out of the wages of 3 waitresses and the KP Shock

It actually cost me money to work 6 hours and miss my family gathering that day. I can't believe I carried on working there. I'm still bitter about it 15 years later Confused

So OP, if you get their details to the restaurant, at least some of the waiting staff will be a bit less disheartened Grin

ThatBloodyWoman · 01/08/2014 08:43

Pickle as far as I understand it, if a meal is substandard there is provision for you to pay just what you feel the meal is worth.I suppose this might apply to service also.

This seems madness, as I write it,so I wouldn't be surprised if someone corrects me and tells me I'm wrong.I'll be interested to know if this is correct, as I have heard.

I suppose the only way to 'police' it though, would be through your day in court.

Not that this affects the ops scenario anyhow....!

I used to work in a petrol station where we had to pay if there were drive offs.

Its time employers were forced to stop this practice.

Roussette · 01/08/2014 08:58

There is no way I could have walked out without settling the whole bill. I would have done that and then caught up with my 'friends' and challenged them. That would have then shown them up in their true light - whether they would pay you back or not. When they said they were walking out, I would have shouted "oh no, you're not" and grabbed them.
This isn't meant as a criticism of you OP, I can imagine you were in total shock and it all happened so fast.

murphys · 01/08/2014 09:04

I read this a thing all the celebs seem to be doing now too... do these thievess not realize that it the waiting staff that end up forking the bill for them from their wages! I have not paid for a meal in a restaurant before, it was shocking, cold when I got it and waited over an hour for it. But I called the manager over and we discussed the fact that I wouldn't be paying for it, so we left that item off and paid the rest. I even felt awful about that to be honest.

I would be in total shock too OP. I think you did the right thing in leaving your share. I would send a message to the "friend' saying that this has upset you and that you left your share, this gives him a chance to go back there to settle the account today.

matildasquareded · 01/08/2014 09:04

Yes, you absolutely would have done all that, Bruce Lee. You would have shouted! And grabbed them! And forced them to open their wallets and pay! And then they would have wept with guilt and shame! And then the whole restaurant would have broken into applause! The waitress would have come and wept and kissed your hand for saving her job!

Well done, armchair warrior!

TheNumberfaker · 01/08/2014 09:10

I'm glad you mentioned that, ThatBloodyWoman , as there was one occasion many years ago that I went out for a meal with DH and his friends. The service was absolutely dire. Honestly we had to wait half an hour for the bill to top it off. We were so fed up we deducted 10% from the bill to reflect the poor service. I would never just walk out and not pay the bill though!

ipswichwitch · 01/08/2014 09:15

A group of women in a restaurant we were eating in attempted this. They were quite pissed and had apparently been discussing (rather loudly) wether to do a runner. A lady on the next table overheard them and told the staff, who promptly sat down on the ends of the table (they were in a booth), preventing them leaving. Two of their party had already gone, so they were rather shamefacedly ringing them telling them to get back and pay their share or the waiters would call the police. By this point the whole restaurant had cottoned on to what was happening, and heckled the owned and actually applauded (with great sarcasm) when they paid up! Don't think they'll be trying that again. Bastards.

elfycat · 01/08/2014 09:22

I once had a meal in a new restaurant so dire that we paid only for what we felt the meal was worth. I had waited 1.5 hours for what seemed to be overcooked dried pasta and a couple of spoons of ragu sauce. The pasta twists fell apart and it was basically soup. The fish allergy person had the tuna pasta delivered instead of the chicken.

We did pay for all of the drinks and what had been edible, by cheque with our contact details on it so they could argue the case if they wanted to. They closed down within a week.

I also worked for a restaurant chain. A known non-payer came in but wasn't identified until they were eating. I was working on the door and refused to let them leave until they had paid. The manager had been informed earlier on and wanted them to just leave without a fuss (he was a wimp) but I knew the waitress would lose out unless they were challenged. We ended up calling the police but all they got was a warning. But the bill was written off by the manager and not paid for out of someone's wages.

NellyNoodle1 · 01/08/2014 09:22

How very dramatic hmc. Yes as someone who has worked in the criminal justice system for the last ten years I have heard of joint enterprise but I have never seen anyone convicted of it. We re not talking murder here we re talking what will be considered a low level crime however you all clutch your pearls and gulp.

Police don't tend to go out for reports of shop lifting now unless there is menace so I really don't think suggesting a swat team will be sent to her address is very accurate. I can't see that anything at all will happen to OP and to be honest probably nothing to the offenders.

I think she has been perfectly right in everything she has done - leaving her money and calling the restaurant I just can't imagine really police leaping into a car and putting the lights on for leaving a restaurant without paying - it will possibly be seen as a civil dispute if the offenders claim they were unhappy with the service and were refusing to pay. It's a very grey area and as I say I deal with low level crime such as bilking which I suppose you could say is similar and I have never seen anyone charged with leaving a restaurant without paying. I'm not condoning it - they were scummy to do it to OP and restaurant but all getting a bit over dramatic.

CatThiefKeith · 01/08/2014 09:29

Nelly I have to say, that on more than one occasion when people did a runner from the restaurant chain I worked at we managed to get the car registration and the police were vey good.

They used to trace the owner, then either call or visit them to give the opportunity to come in and pay or have us press charges.

My boss used to make them come in and pay in the morning, before we opened, and do the 'walk of shame' past all the staff

We all used to line the path between the tables and give them dirty looks.

'Twas ace. SmileSmileSmile

Aeroflotgirl · 01/08/2014 09:33

Catthief that is great Grin serves the tightwads right!

Goldmandra · 01/08/2014 09:51

I just can't imagine really police leaping into a car and putting the lights on for leaving a restaurant without paying

How patronising!

LilyandGinger · 01/08/2014 09:55

I was in a group of four eating in a packed pub recently when the fire alarm went off. We had finished our meal and had just been waiting for the bill but we waited for the all clear and paid. Our waitress was so relieved they'd lost 4 other tables of diners who didn't come back.

It never even crossed our minds not to pay.

I didn't know that the wait staff had to cover losses though - no wonder the poor girl looked so relieved.

TwoInTheMourning · 01/08/2014 10:00

Back in my waitresing days, orders would only arrive in the kitchen through a computerised till which was operated by individual password protected keys. At the end of the shift we had to produce the money for every single item that was recorded under our key AND leave an extra 10% for the kitchen. Anything leftover was our own personal tips to keep.

Whenever people did a runner we would have to fork out for their meal.

duchesse · 01/08/2014 10:01

The kind of people who do this are doubtless the same kind of twats who think shoplifting is victimless. We all pay for it, arseholes. Unless it's the kind of establishment where the minimum wage staff pay for runners. Bet that feels edgy, eh? Shafting someone on minimum wage. Wankers.

Picklepest · 01/08/2014 10:03

Thatbloodywoman, that's what the agonising was about really as we felt the service charge was extra to the bill but none were sure. So we left the money for the meal and bolted. 12 bolting was rather complicated messy and funny.

SignoraStronza · 01/08/2014 10:04

As a young waitress in a country pub I've been known to hotfoot it out the door and stand in front of a party's large shiny jag. Cue much sheepish 'I thought you'd paid', 'Oh? I thought you had' from the occupants.

Them again, the landlord wouldn't have taken it out of our wages.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 01/08/2014 10:09

For Pickle and those worrying about not paying service charge when service is poor.

You can refuse to pay part of all of it if service is poor. It's usually suggested rather than compulsory anyway. Smile

Roussette · 01/08/2014 10:12

^Yes, you absolutely would have done all that, Bruce Lee. You would have shouted! And grabbed them! And forced them to open their wallets and pay! And then they would have wept with guilt and shame! And then the whole restaurant would have broken into applause! The waitress would have come and wept and kissed your hand for saving her job!

Well done, armchair warrior!^

I am not sure if that is directed at me Matilda. I am saying what I would have done if I was with a group of friends as I would just not be prepared to accept I was 'guilty by association'. Not sure my post warrants me being called an 'armchair warrior' but hey it takes all sorts Hmm

matildasquareded · 01/08/2014 10:15

Yes, no implied criticism of the OP but you would NEVER have let yourself be in the same position! lol You'd have grabbed them and shouted!

AlpacaLypse · 01/08/2014 10:16

.

matildasquareded · 01/08/2014 10:17

I'm afraid I reserve the right to mock the armchair warriors as they always take an interesting discussion and reduce it to a macho stand-off.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 01/08/2014 10:20

People who leave without paying are disgraceful and it's a disgusting thing to do. But the most horrifying thing I've learned on this thread is that staff are made to pay for it - is it truly legal to deduct it from their pay? I'm more shocked by that than the runners (though I'm appalled by them too - I'm in a state of highly flustered disapproval altogether!).

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