to be upset at grandparents stealing my thunder??

[MrsDowneyJunior]

Very long story short I barely see my DD and when I do I'm very restricted in what I can do with her. My parents see her far more and have way more freedom, but they still don't see her a lot and are still restricted to a degree.

I have unusually managed to wangle a few extra hours this week to take her to the cinema, a day in 2 weeks to take her to Chessington, and Christmas Eve taking her to Lapland UK. I have just found out that yesterday they took her to the cinema, today they've taken her to Chessington and 3 days before I take her to Lapland UK they've booked a trip to the REAL Lapland.

These 3 events for me are the first time in 2 years I've been able to take her to the cinema, a theme park and Santa and they've bulldozed it! She's not going to think me taking her to the cinema 3 days after they took her is anything special, she was so excited about her first time to Chessington in 2 weeks and they've just crapped on that today taking her by surprise now and Lapland??? How the hell can I take her to Lapland UK when 3 days earlier she's been on an airplane to the real Santa and real snow etc etc?? She'll be questioning everything I've told her about Santa, she'll remember their trip and will be comparing the two the whole time and a precious and rare special memory with her mother is destroyed for one with bloody grandparents! I'm her mother, not them! I'm more important in DD's life and should have the big days, not them and as it's such a rarity it's really pissed me off and I'm about to blow at them. If I had her 24/7 and these events were nothing special and we did it all the time then fine, but not when these things are so rare and special for us, and Lapland I would always be pissed off at though regardless of how much time I have with her. I put so much effort into creating the magic of Christmas for DD and building up this magical story and explaining how it all works and who the "real" Santa is and every sodding year my mother jumps in with some crap that undoes everything I've told her or planned or done with her. Really fed up of it. Had a mini rant at her just now and told her she WILL NOT do this with the new baby. Seeing her for dinner tonight & I just know there's going to be a battle with this and I don'tt need it but why can't she see how this undermines me and pisses on my parade? Or AIBU to feel like that?

You guys are so nice. Not like me.

OP is deemed a flight risk with the child (accused of being at risk of kidnapping her) hence all the geographic movement & activity bans ("nothing where basically I could run off with her").

I don't know if that's fair, but the others have given excellent suggestions what to do to make excellent & unique memories together.

Has OP explained why she doesn't do these trips with her DD & her parents? I'm guessing because the parents won't let her because they want their own completely separate relationship with their grandchild which isn't fettered by restrictions that OP has or the rancour between OP & child's father.

Don't change the plans, your dd requested chessington, with you. Who cares that's she's already been, you are still making memories, take a camera, take silly/fun pictures. Make it different. You clearly love her very much, that's all she needs to know.
My heart goes out to you, don't let them get you down just let it all go and stick with your own plan.

OP please don't despair, she won't be a little girl forever. One day she will be an adult and she will realise her father and grandparents did their best to scupper her relationship with you. Just continue to be the bigger and better person and remember that one day, no one will be able to keep you apart.

What about Thorpe Park instead of Chessington? They're not that far away from each other.

But,even though your "thunder has been stolen" I'm betting she won't mind going to Chessington again .

She went to Chessington today?

So maybe ask her if she wants to go again?

you may find that Chessington isn't really a good day out for you in your very pregnant state and an 8 year old - the majority of the rides require small children to be accompanied by an adult anyway. What about a lido?

lljkk yes that's right, he's claimed I'm a flight risk. Know why? Because when I was talking to a "friend" in the dead of winter, miserable, cold, wet, horrible day, I made a very obvious joke about packing up and moving to the sunny Caribbean. Given that at the time I couldn't afford the petrol to get to the airport never mind flights and living expenses for us in a foreign country, that DD was happy and settled here and I was happy here too with my late grandmother and my home, pets, friends and family and it was a clear and obvious JOKE, the same way I joke that I'm going to become a lesbian nun and never date again, or that I'm never drinking again when I have a hangover, or that I'm so hungry I could eat a horse etc. Everyone knew it was a joke, "friend" knew, he knew, every single person who heard this or heard about it knew, how the hell can I pack up and jump sticks to the Caribbean, but he used that one single throwaway joke comment as an excuse to have the courts seize our passports and restrict where I can go with her. Please don't assume it's all black and white and that any restrictions have any basis whatsoever in legitimate risks or any foundation of truth to them.

So you need better legal representation. There must be someone who can help you.

It sounds like an awful situation you are in and I don't think YABU about your parents behaviour. As you parents they should know how much your time with her means and booking the trips to the same places is petty and screams "pick me". They have no restrictions on theme parks so had no need to go to the same one. Lapland is I am sure magical but they knew you were planning it, go through the professionals again.

I hope whatever you do you and dd have a wonderful time and make memories.Is the Snowzone at Milton Keynes a possibilty? Dd may have seen snow in Lapland but she could play in it there?

I think you really need to get new representation,this is a joke if none of the allegations made have been true. Why are you restricted by courts if there has never been any evidence to back it up.

I would still do the things you had planned, because your DD has asked and to keep up with not letting her down.

Well clearly you need better representation if a 'joke' was used against you successfully despite witnesses saying otherwise.
Weird that your ex has ended up so successful when most men complain about the court system- are you self representing? Could you get legal aid?

dances well we'll find out in September when this goes back to court. Hoping my new solicitor is better than my old one.

Dad popped over this evening and you could tell he'd had it in the ear all day from mum, wanted to get away as quickly as possible but I did manage to explain to him why this was so unfair and why I'm so upset. He got it, but it's never been his decisions, she just runs off and does what she feels like and he goes along with it and stays silent, but I think he got it and he said he'd try and talk to her. He said about today "well if you wanted to take her to Chessington why didn't you arrange it and tell us??" to which I said "Your wife arranged it in April! She's known 3 months! It's all booked! And she knows I booked Lapland in January, she arranged it with her father!" and he did look shocked and like it all just made sense. It's always been her.

If you have to stick with Chessington then get her on all the rides she missed with your parents (there is never enough time to go on all the best ones in one day) UK Lapland then tell her that the closer it gets to Christmas Santa moves around to check his Reindeer are fit enough to make it around the world.

And this twisting of jokes led to two years of supervised contact in contact centres before you reached the current situation of severely restricted contact? And he has alleged you have abusive to your daughter as well.

This has been quite a saga. So, realistically, the restrictions might remain in force for years? Is that fair to say?

I would agree with others who have said go to Chessington again if that is what your DD. It is time spent with you and how cool to go back to school in September and say she went twice. What about seeing if there is local cookery school where you could both do something together. It different or maybe this suggestion might get other posters to come up with more suggestions.

X post. Is this a recent change of solicitor?

This is appalling. How can it be allowed to happen? (Your being deemed a flight risk on the basis if a figure of speech, I mean). Truly frightening.

Nerf there were no witnesses, it was all done on heresay in the statements, nothing to back up the claims, no letters or appearances from the "witnesses" and the courts believed the good Christian Dr old boys association him over tattood single mum slightly chav slightly bimbo me. Basically. I was told straight "This isn't a criminal trail, Mrs Downey, we do not need evidence, just suspicions and we have them from these claims". I was self representing at that point. And when I found out what was in his statement and went to these "friends" asking them to write statements to clarify all these claims and help me they all said they didn't want to get involved, not one person helped me. I don't know why, I have never knowingly done anything to hurt them, have only ever tried to be a good loyal helpful friend to them, I've certainly sure as he'll never hurt DD or abused or neglected her, I'd not done anything I was accused of, I did everything I could to disprove the lies and show how untrue it was and I still lost and everyone has still sided with him, I'm clearly missing something somewhere, I'm coming across as this terrible abusive danger and as if the accusations are realistic and I don't understand why or how, but I know I'm across loo good mum and have never hurt, abused, neglected or harmed DD or any other child in any way, being a Mummy I'd the only thing I've ever been good at and the only time I've ever been happy and confident and thrived, which is why it's so hard to understand and believe how and why this has happened, but it has. Please don't question me on it and try to work out what I must have done or how there's smoke if there isn't fire, it is what it is and I'm fighting it and trying to claw my life and daughter back when she's been told I'm no longer her mother and his new girlfriend is her new Mummy, when I still have PR, I didn't want to get into it all, I just wanted to know if I'm BU here but it seems I'm not so at least I know I'm not mental in this instance at least.

Ugh so many typos, I hate this phone!

OP if it's likely to take a while longer to get to a shared residence situation, you need a medium-long term strategy for dealing with your mother and her approach to contact.

Please don't single me out for questioning you! I was asking about legal aid and self representation to see if you could get your voice heard.

Nerf no sorry I know, I was responding to you re witnesses but ended up going on about other posts I'd read and it's all blended into one but I know you only mentioned the one bit, sorry.

Is there any social services involvement backing the ex up? (Am thinking of the family rights organisation if so - you can google them) and i really hope that whatever the situation and the rights and wrongs that you have a fair hearing in September and are able to present the facts and be listened to. I would probably avoid chessington tbh - ask your dd what sort of day she would like? Get some ideas and ask her to pick? Could you do a castle like a national trust one and do princess type outfits and some early Xmas shopping together?

I'm so sorry MrsD. :(

Isn't parental alienation considered abuse? Hope things improve in September. Your mum is being an arse and once your DD is a bit bigger, she'll know it too.

You'll create amazing memories, because you're her mum.