to be upset at grandparents stealing my thunder??

[MrsDowneyJunior]

Very long story short I barely see my DD and when I do I'm very restricted in what I can do with her. My parents see her far more and have way more freedom, but they still don't see her a lot and are still restricted to a degree.

I have unusually managed to wangle a few extra hours this week to take her to the cinema, a day in 2 weeks to take her to Chessington, and Christmas Eve taking her to Lapland UK. I have just found out that yesterday they took her to the cinema, today they've taken her to Chessington and 3 days before I take her to Lapland UK they've booked a trip to the REAL Lapland.

These 3 events for me are the first time in 2 years I've been able to take her to the cinema, a theme park and Santa and they've bulldozed it! She's not going to think me taking her to the cinema 3 days after they took her is anything special, she was so excited about her first time to Chessington in 2 weeks and they've just crapped on that today taking her by surprise now and Lapland??? How the hell can I take her to Lapland UK when 3 days earlier she's been on an airplane to the real Santa and real snow etc etc?? She'll be questioning everything I've told her about Santa, she'll remember their trip and will be comparing the two the whole time and a precious and rare special memory with her mother is destroyed for one with bloody grandparents! I'm her mother, not them! I'm more important in DD's life and should have the big days, not them and as it's such a rarity it's really pissed me off and I'm about to blow at them. If I had her 24/7 and these events were nothing special and we did it all the time then fine, but not when these things are so rare and special for us, and Lapland I would always be pissed off at though regardless of how much time I have with her. I put so much effort into creating the magic of Christmas for DD and building up this magical story and explaining how it all works and who the "real" Santa is and every sodding year my mother jumps in with some crap that undoes everything I've told her or planned or done with her. Really fed up of it. Had a mini rant at her just now and told her she WILL NOT do this with the new baby. Seeing her for dinner tonight & I just know there's going to be a battle with this and I don'tt need it but why can't she see how this undermines me and pisses on my parade? Or AIBU to feel like that?

[Panzee]

We don't need every detail, so posters should stop digging and playing Miss Marple. It sounds so sad for all concerned. I agree with lots of others, simplify. The 50 things site sounds good.

[MrsDowneyJunior]

dancestomyowntune Exactly.

I do do a lot of quiet one to one indoor time, for 2 years ive tried to build up our relationship again with focussed one on one activities and things like cooking, crafts, books, pamper days, board games, etc. I was just feeling it's time to have some fun, especially before the new one comes along and changes the dynamic again and restricts us even more, obviously the newborn will need feeding & changing and attention during our time together and I wanted to make sure she had already had some fun one on one, as well as focussed individual attention, before the distraction and interference of nappies and feeds and a crying newborn comes along and it just feels like the 2 year battle for a day out has been gazumped by people who could have done this any time they wanted, so why just days before our first chance in 2 years and not only that but the 10 times better, bigger version? It's like I bought her a Renault Clio and the day before they've given her an Aston Martin DB9. I can't compete. Not that it's a competition, but my little candle is lost next to their floodlight, but a candle is all I have, and all I've had for 2 years.

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

Candlelight has its own special magic too OP. You're her mum and she knows it.

[Greengrow]

Chessington is my idea of hell. I'ave never taken any of the children to any kind of place like that. A quite forest or a local park would suit me a lot better. I am not sure theme parks are what children want to remember parents by or may be it's just a cultural/class issue.

I think the most important issue here is that this is making you feel awful and nothing will be worse for your child whom you hardly ever see than trips marred by your feelings.

You can't buy love and no one replaces a parent. There is no way your daughter will feel for your parents what she feels for you. Do not worry about it at all. If you go to the same place twice you could make that to her advantage - children like familiarity, not new things. What you can do is make her feel really good - wow she is the expert on Chessington - how wonderful she's just been, she can be your personal tour guide. You can make her feel 10 feet tall. Let her know how clever your parents were to book the same thing which shows how similar people in families can be and how well it has all worked out. Rise above any perceived slight from your parents who probably love you and she very much.

Love is not about who spends most money and anyone who thinks it is needs an awful lot of therapy and perhaps to spend more time in church or just thinking about what matters in life.

[ArsenicFaceCream]

Chessington is my idea of hell. I'ave never taken any of the children to any kind of place like that

Same here. Maybe that disqualifies me from the thread

[HighwayDragon]

how about legoland op?

[TheWordFactory]

OP, if you've been having unsupervised contact with your DD (albeing with restrictions) and it's gone well, I suspect you're long overdue a review of contact with the courts.

Could you ask for more time? Less restrictions. Your ex may not be amenable, bit it's not just up to him.

[TheWordFactory]

And another vote for Legoland (better than chessington) and if your DD is a Potter-phile the Elstree Sudio tour is fun.

[MrsDowneyJunior]

This is all being reviewed in September, but Chessington is in a couple of weeks, or was supposed to be.

In all honestly Chessington sounds like hell to me at the moment too, though usually I'd love it, but being huge and fat and pregnant and struggling and this godforsaken HEAT and I can't go on the rides and I have constant heartburn and SPD and I'm so fecking uncomfortable etc etc mutter grumble moan, but I have fought and fought for a big day out for 2 years and I gave her the choice of anything at all that she wanted to do, that we would be able to do, and she chose Chessington and was absolutely thrilled with the idea and so excited, she'd seen it on TV and her friends went and she's wanted to go for ages and "pleeeeeeaaaaase Mum!" so of course I've said yes.

I resent the implications that I'm trying to buy her affection with expensive days, I do keep saying it's our first proper day out in 2 years, and for 2 years we've had nothing but quiet, indoor one on one time, trying to rebuild our bond and relationship others have destroyed with their lies to her about me, and I just thought it was time for some normal childhood summer fun and a last chance before new baby comes along, a final memory of it just being the two of us before a little sister comes along.

[MrsWombat]

No advice but wanted to send you MrsDJ.

[dancestomyowntune]

MrsDowneyJunior i think you have had some good alternatives on this thread. i know they aren't what you had planned so meticulously, but don't let your frustrations ruin you days out with your dd.

[Greengrow]

Well the fact she gets to go twice could be wonderful as I suggest above. Just use that to your advantage. Good luck with the trip.

[dancestomyowntune]

are you able to ask her if she has changed her mind in view of her recent trip to Chessington? ask her what she wants to do instead?

[ArsenicFaceCream]

I resent the implications that I'm trying to buy her affection with expensive days...... I just thought it was time for some normal childhood summer fun

I don't think anyone was trying to imply that. I wasn't. I was trying to suggest things you create yourself are harder for others to duplicate (in advance in your parents' case). Clearly ideas of 'normal childhood summer fun' differ however.

Good luck with it all/

[hiccupgirl]

Stop worrying that she'll mind doing the same thing again and do it anyway if you def want to do those particular days out.

Your DD will have a great time because she is with you and all kids enjoy going back to places they've already been. My DS goes to the same zoo at least 10 times in a year because we have passes - he loves the fact he knows where things are and trying to spot what's changed. He went to the panto with both us and his preschool last year on different days and loved it as much both times. He also loved the fact he could tell us all about it.

Your parents do sound like their trying to steal your thunder but you can be bigger than that and do things you want to anyway.

[Angie1978]

What about taking her girly shopping Claire's accessories is like heaven to an 8 year old girl, letting her buy things for the new baby? That's something special for you and her to do and she can only really do that with you?

I don't know where you are in the country but try looking on dayoutwiththekids website they have a massive range of things you can 'vet' before you get there

[TheCuriousOwl]

Regardless of the history, you've fought for 2 years to get this and your parents have behaved very badly by doing this. It smacks of huge one-upmanship.

Why not take her to Legoland... at Christmas? They restrict numbers, theme the park all Christmassy etc. Also, it's Windsor, so if you are allowed Lapland UK and Chessington then distance wise it's no different.

What a horrid thing of the GPs to do. :(

[slithytove]

YANBU.

I am sorry. Your situation sounds horrendous. And your parents sound vile.

I know you don't want to give details - but one day will you get more time with your daughter?

[wannabestressfree]

Legoland is brilliant at Christmas we did it last year :)

[Droflove]

Sorry to hear this has happened OP. If they knew of your plans, they are being deeply unkind to you. I would skip the cinema, definitely go to Chessington and come up with something else that would be fun for the two of you like a farm visit or something. She will still love Chessington, most kids would go every day if they vould! And she will get to make memories with her mum, much better than her grandparents! Don't let this spoil your excitement at seeing your daughter. Seeing her is the most important thing.

[angelohsodelight]

If you are pregnant you would not, should not, be going in rides at Chessington, even kids rides.

[NotOneThingbutAnother]

Not much to add but just wanted to say my heart goes out to you, I admire you so much for coping with it all. And to be treated as you have by your own parents just beggars belief.

[nachohousekeeper]

So sorry this is happening to you OP. It sounds as though you are fighting for every minute with your DD and that must be unbearable without your toxic parents putting the boot in.

Like others have said, your DD knows you love her and, in years to come, it won't mater how you spent your time together, she will know you were there for her. I know that sounds a bit hollow now, it is shit that you have both been looking forward to these special days and they have been ruined. I hope your situation improves soon. And congratulations on the pregnancy.

[Wickeddevil]

My DC love Christmas markets is there anything like that near you?

Could you give us some idea of the area of the country you are in. If you can get to Chessington but not London could you do Brighton or similar ? Rides and the seaside might be something DD doesn't yet know is her perfect day

If you suggest a location, I'm sure there will be thoughts of ideas

I also agree a pantomime could be a winner and often celebrities known to children are in them for extra brownie points.