to be upset at grandparents stealing my thunder??

[MrsDowneyJunior]

Very long story short I barely see my DD and when I do I'm very restricted in what I can do with her. My parents see her far more and have way more freedom, but they still don't see her a lot and are still restricted to a degree.

I have unusually managed to wangle a few extra hours this week to take her to the cinema, a day in 2 weeks to take her to Chessington, and Christmas Eve taking her to Lapland UK. I have just found out that yesterday they took her to the cinema, today they've taken her to Chessington and 3 days before I take her to Lapland UK they've booked a trip to the REAL Lapland.

These 3 events for me are the first time in 2 years I've been able to take her to the cinema, a theme park and Santa and they've bulldozed it! She's not going to think me taking her to the cinema 3 days after they took her is anything special, she was so excited about her first time to Chessington in 2 weeks and they've just crapped on that today taking her by surprise now and Lapland??? How the hell can I take her to Lapland UK when 3 days earlier she's been on an airplane to the real Santa and real snow etc etc?? She'll be questioning everything I've told her about Santa, she'll remember their trip and will be comparing the two the whole time and a precious and rare special memory with her mother is destroyed for one with bloody grandparents! I'm her mother, not them! I'm more important in DD's life and should have the big days, not them and as it's such a rarity it's really pissed me off and I'm about to blow at them. If I had her 24/7 and these events were nothing special and we did it all the time then fine, but not when these things are so rare and special for us, and Lapland I would always be pissed off at though regardless of how much time I have with her. I put so much effort into creating the magic of Christmas for DD and building up this magical story and explaining how it all works and who the "real" Santa is and every sodding year my mother jumps in with some crap that undoes everything I've told her or planned or done with her. Really fed up of it. Had a mini rant at her just now and told her she WILL NOT do this with the new baby. Seeing her for dinner tonight & I just know there's going to be a battle with this and I don'tt need it but why can't she see how this undermines me and pisses on my parade? Or AIBU to feel like that?

[Floralnomad]

Why can't you do things with your dd and your parents together ?

[EarthWindFire]

It maybe that your suggestions get them thinking. They know because of your 'restructions' that you can't do Lapland but think it would be something she'd love.

There are plenty of films that she may like on at the cinema, maybe just take her to see something different?

[needastrongone]

Our DC loved the beach, and they loved hunting for fossils, and they loved rock pooling the most, quality time too

[EarthWindFire]

Obviously that should say 'restrictions'

[MmeLindor]

I don't know the reasons for you being unable to see your DD more often, but if I were you, I'd forget about making the day unforgettable because of the places you take her, and concentrate on spending time with her.

Get out a box of old photos, and tell her something about your life, and her past. Talk about your feelings, and how it was when she was born. Her first laugh/walk/smile/words. Play with her, and spend time speaking and hugging her.

If she sees you so seldom, then she will value this time much more than going to a theme park.

[grocklebox]

If its about whose treat is better, whose is more impressive, thunder stealing...thats all about the adults involved and their egos.

My suggestion is to put the child first and think more about their needs and wishes and less about both yours and your parents.

[MrsBungle]

Why don't you go on these trips with your parents plus do your own things?

[Mrsgrumble]

Do you think they did it out of spite op? If so, you shouldn't tell them your plans anymore

It all sounds very diffucult

[Vitalstatistix]

Are you on good terms with your parents? What about appealing to them to do nothing that makes you feel that your time with your daughter is less special?

[MrsDowneyJunior]

I totally get about not making every day a big day out and just spending time with her, and 99% of the time we do just spend time together, which is why this is the first time in 2 years I am starting to take her out and have arranged 3 days out somewhere, whereas my parents are incapable of just "being" with someone and are always taking her out, or if they're in then they stick her in front of the TV while they get on with household chores, they can never just "be" with her, which I do a lot of. But that's why these days were so special, because they are so rare but I wanted to build some memories particularly before the new baby arrives and we're forced to be restricted even more in what we do and are tied in to new baby stuff and I have to bring the new one along which won't always allow for certain activities or for much one on one time.

I think I will. have to change our plans now with what they are doing but again I am very restricted and I don't think I will be able to switch Lapland for Winter Gardens or Chessington for the Natural History Museum or something. I think I'm stuck with them now.

I'm not telling them our plans anymore if they're going to do this, unfortunately I went and used them to convey the messages about booking these days out so they were very involved in the plans and knew all about them. Never again.

[grocklebox]

Its clear from the OP that neither op nor her parents have custody.

[Thenapoleonofcrime]

It all sounds a very odd access arrangement, with them having more contact and fewer restrictions, so I guess they just go ahead and do stuff in that light. I can see why you are annoyed, but I don't think it is reasonable for them to do nothing in case you get to do it, if you only get a few hours a few times a year. Unfortunately you won't get in there 'first' with lots of things.

I think Leeds2 has some good alternative suggestions, now you know what they did, do something else. There's so much to do -although I am not sure why you can't do London and can do Chessington.

This is very reminiscent of a thread a few years ago about fake Lapland/real Lapland and being outdone. I would be pretty darn excited for my child if they got to go to real Lapland.

I have a feeling our advice is rather irrelevant, as there is so much other stuff going on that suggesting that you go to Alton Towers instead of Chessington is really scratching the surface.

[DwellsUndertheSink]

Instead of lapland, take her to the panto on christmas eve. The afternoon matinee is fantastic fun, plus you get to have icecream, dress in your sparkly fairy outfits, wave a wand, shout at baddies and then you get to do the magic of christmas eve!

DO you think your parents have deliberately taken her to stuff that you wanted to do to ? get back at you somehow?

If so, just don't tell them about the panto. Tell them you are going to look at Hamleys and then have dinner out. Or you are going to the Ballet.

[BookABooSue]

I don't know your backstory so don't know why you have restricted access or if that would have impacted on any part of what has happened. I guess it's only relevant if someone could mediate between you and your dps to help them realise why you are upset.

However, your dd is the most important person in this and I would say that dc's aren't as caught up in firsts as adults are. Your dd will love the experiences with you and with her gdps. People make events and memories, and you'll have your own approach, conversations, excitements with her. You'll both create your memories of the events together and they'll be different from the ones she has with dgps and just as special.

Please don't let this impact on your joy at having planned these treats for your dd.

[StealthPolarBear]

Will you have the same custody issues with rhe new baby?

[Thenapoleonofcrime]

Crossed posts, yes I think not telling them about your days out in advance may work but it all sounds very difficult for your dd and ultimately, if she had some happy times with them, and then different happy times with you, I think that would be the best result and it won't be down to where you went at all.

[sezamcgregor]

I'm going to go with a YANBU - and you need to tell them how they've made you feel.

Are you not invited on these trips with them to do it as a family? Could you go with them?

If you're going to take DD to Chessington after they take her - ask her to be your tour guide. She can be the "expert for the day" and show you the best bits. What did you enjoy best when you came with Nanna and Grandad? Let's make sure we go on it TWICE today!

With Lapland, explain to her about the cost/your restrictions - tell her that you wish that you could take her to the real one, but you can't because of .... and .... - and so we're going to go to this one so that we get to enjoy it together, and then N&G are going to take you to the real Lapland on an aeroplane.

For the cinema - let her choose the film and again, let her be your film expert. Ask her to give you reviews afterwards - make it fun, not a competition :)

I'm sure that she knows that you love her very much whether you do exciting days out or just sit and watch telly together. Sometimes, a good cuddle counts for much more.

[MrsDowneyJunior]

The other issue is DD ASKED for me to take her to the cinema & Chessington when I said "if we could do ANYTHING for a whole day, what would you like to do?", that's partly why I'm so cross they jumped in & stole it, it's her current dream day out and I was supposed to be doing it with her. I can't go on any rides being heavily pg but we were going to take a friend to go on the rides with her so she's not alone.

There'll be no issues with the new baby as the new baby doesn't have an evil lying viscious piece of shit father to lie about everyone and alienate her and steal her from her father. This one has no father, and no future kids will ever have one again after the job that previous piece of work has done on us but that's a whole other thread. Fact is these days were prescious and they're stealing them. Its like if you saved for years and years and years to afford your child's dream toy, which wasn't much but was their dream and you worked so hard and everyone knew and you were so excited, and the day before a rich uncle steps in and buys them that toy and the rest of the entire range. You can't give them that toy you worked for after that.

[AMumInScotland]

Well, if they knew what you were planning and then planned to do the same or better before your dates, then they're either very insensitive or deliberately trying to do one better. So, I'd agree with what others have said about not telling them your plans.

If you need to discuss your plans with the person who has her most of the time (I'm guessing her father, or her other grandparents?) then you need to talk to them direct.

[diddl]

Do your parents need permission to take your daughter abroad?

[IWillOnlyEatBeans]

My first thought - and huge apologies if I am way off the mark here - is that you might have been unreliable in the past (promising stuff and not delivering on it) so they are doing the same stuff with her to make sure she doesn't end up disappointed.

[curiousgeorgie]

I don't understand why you can't do London instead of a theme park? Can you try and explain your restrictions?

[needastrongone]

Why do you think your parents are behaving as they are OP?

Not asking you to divulge anything that you don't want to, but seems at best thoughtless and at worst cruel, from the facts that you have posted.