AIBU to get annoyed when asked my marital status when leaving a message?

[peanutbutterandbanana]

GGGRRRR - I used to get this in the last century... you make a call and the person answering needs you to leave a message, so you give your details and they say 'Miss or Mrs?'. My marital status is unnecessary and a man would certainly not be asked to confirm his personal home setup.

I've just called someone who runs an employment agency and I know her quite well. She's a one-woman-band so obviously uses one of these answering services, so I had to spend ages spelling my name out, detailing whether I was an individual or a company and then asked 'is it Miss or Mrs?', "Irrelevant," I said.

But my blood is now boiling. I cannot believe that we are well into the 21st Century and this question is still being asked when it is absolutely not relevant to this call or to my potential employment or to anyone else, in fact, apart from me and my OH/DP/DH. AIBU?

Thank you, Fry, for reassuring me that I'm not the only one to find the 'so they can address you correctly' argument absurd.

Honestly, it's like being Alice in Wonderland.

OnlyLovers - and that is where "Ms" comes from. It is a title which does not specify marital status.

Except, sadly, people manage to generate all sorts of strange ideas and prejudices about what it implies. It actually implies nothing at all other than that the person is female.

I had a window cleaner come round and he asked me. He then went on to say that people get annoyed with that question and he doesn't know why. I didn't explain as I had many children here and wanted to close the door, but I was pleased that people are expressing their angst!

TheOriginal it is SO depressing. I am early 30s and many women I know are marrying. Professional crowd, many Oxbridge (offered merely but perhaps mistakenly as a barometer of their self worth). ALL changing their names. Why? Whhhhhy?

Somewhat creepily I have realised that I have difficulty remembering the name I always knew them by, once changed. Ok my memory is shite, but I find it sinister nonetheless.

Just say 'none of the above' and invent your own extra cool title.

I liked the idea of changing my name because then my kids and dh and I all have the same surname.
I can see that it's a bit....... Old fashioned etc, but it's just a way of tidying up family names. I'd feel it was messy if we all had different names tbh.

And I'd vote for a "neutral" term, the female version of mr. But I prefer miss to ms. Ms sounds so pointedly not miss or mrs IYSWIM.
We can then all be miss.
Or dr.

I agree stealthsquiggles - Ms is the neutral form of address. I used it when I was single and I still use it now when married (didn't change my name).

I never realised that some people might think I was a divorced, lesbian, cat-owning spinster! . Only one of those descriptors is true!

I agree with Amanda, I changed my name for purposes of family name tidiness. I have never felt unhappy being Mrs. Boots.

"Miss" and "Sir" at school sounds like an attempt at sarcasm to my ears. I can't bear it.

we went for the family name tidiness of the children all having my name, he thought about changing his name to ours (i.e. the name of most of the people in the family) but decided not to. I respected his decision of course, he wanted to retain his sense of self and felt that changing his name would not feel right

I dont like "miss" and "sir" at school
Who gave all the men a fucking knighthood?

I think the question referred to in OP is outrageous and irrelevant .

I personally wouldn't have dreamed of changing my name on marriage. When asked my 'title' I usually say Ms but sometimes Miss.

YABU. I bet i hate being addressed by my first name by strangers on the phone etc. more than you hate being asked your title.

"ms" is less easy to say than "miss" IMHO
I am married but I don't feel the need to state that tbh.
Could someone just sort it out so we can all be "miss"? Unless we're one of those clever Dr ppl.

Nah. Too much baggage attached to 'Miss' for me.

We might need to look at different letters of the alphabet, to be honest.

I went to a wedding last weekend and understand the bride is changing her name. She's 22.

Although I think there may be an element of ditching her dad's name involved.

What's more difficult about Mizz compared with Miss - one is just an aspirated form of the other ?

But it does appear from reading this that there is a whole load of baggage about the term that I was never aware of.

My preference is no title, then Ms - and failing that, I don't care if they call me Mrs, Miss or Mr as my sex or Marital status is irrelevant.

Ditching you father's name to adopt your husband's father's name instead... makes huge sense... I suppose...

Yeah, in many cases the name you were given at birth, grew up with, we're known as, achieved with, was probably your father's name (though not all, obviously!). But it's also your name once you've lived with it 20-30 years, not one you conciously took for whatever reason when you met somebody else whose name it was first, so not really the same.

Also, this is about honorifics, not surnames, isn't it?

aurynne it is not simply a question of one man's name versus another. Regardless of its origin, the name you have carried since birth is your name. It is the idea that you would change your name in adulthood that is anathema to me. Why?? I have been Miz Rooty Pig my whole life. I don't know who Mrs Rooty Randomnewname is.

This was amply demonstrated to me when I offered DH my name. He thought the idea of suddenly answering to a different name was bonkers . Well quite. I think it is emotionally dissociative actually. It is an emotionally significant act for many women at the beginning of their marriage. It is as though my professional friends offer their name to their husband as a gift

cross post TheOriginal

Its not "mizz" though is it?
It's "mz" which is vocally less comfortable than "miss"
IMO.

Actually I am attending the wedding of a friend this weekend who always said that she would not change her name, but her fiance was very, very upset about that, and now she has consented to it. Apparently they discussed whether she was 'allowed' to keep her surname as a middle name.

I do get the feminist issue about name changes.

But I'm not sure how I would make it work with my kids' names.

At school one of the teachers was Ms. Surname. And she made that clear. But she also said "I am married, not a miss." Which feels looking back as feminist but not. I had very little to do with her because I wasn't in her classes but I remember it clearly.

YANBU. That said, I love being called Mrs:) - doesn't happen here where I live-