AIBU to get annoyed when asked my marital status when leaving a message?

[peanutbutterandbanana]

GGGRRRR - I used to get this in the last century... you make a call and the person answering needs you to leave a message, so you give your details and they say 'Miss or Mrs?'. My marital status is unnecessary and a man would certainly not be asked to confirm his personal home setup.

I've just called someone who runs an employment agency and I know her quite well. She's a one-woman-band so obviously uses one of these answering services, so I had to spend ages spelling my name out, detailing whether I was an individual or a company and then asked 'is it Miss or Mrs?', "Irrelevant," I said.

But my blood is now boiling. I cannot believe that we are well into the 21st Century and this question is still being asked when it is absolutely not relevant to this call or to my potential employment or to anyone else, in fact, apart from me and my OH/DP/DH. AIBU?

I hate ms I'm not a bumble bee. I don't see the problem either title miss or mrs ok.

Actually there are more than just those titles for both men and women, In addition to Miss, Mrs, Ms, Mr or Master, there is also Dr, Cllr, Fr, Rev, Prof, Capt, Col, Lt Cmdr, Sir, Lord, Brgdr, Dame etc and in all honesty at my work the only reason we ask is because everyone else gets filed at the bottom of the pile under don't really give a shit to do later unless the title given is Dr, Lord, Sir or the dreaded one of all Cllr those are never filed and even warrant the boss being interrupted from his snooze with his feet on the desk 'meeting'.

Asking "is that Miss or Mrs" is just another way of saying "you're not from the flipping council are you". When its a male voice we ask "Mr...???" and if its the council they usually reply angrily, because of course my telepathy skills should extend to knowing who is on the phone "COUNCILLOR DAVIES"

For the record this was an actual conversation I had about a month ago so said councillors name has been changed.

I don't know why they bother to ask anyway. I have an unusual first name which I always have to spell out and then when the receptionist passes on the message the new person never seems to get the message with my name anyway. Irritating. I don't use my title much so find it a bit irritating that it has to be picked on virtually everything when it's really totally irrelevant. The only time I use my title is when I can't be bothered to spell out my first name (my surname is very short). Most of my post (such that there is of it) comes to me as Firstname Lastname as does everything at work.

I have just made my own contribution. Rung the council to request some more of the kitchen caddy bags, went like this:
"...and are you a Miss or Mrs"
"Is that relevant?"
"Well, I need to know what title to call you"
"Oh, just call me Vivicia, I prefer no title please"

A bit later on...
"Oh, I do need to know whether you are a Miss or Mrs otherwise we can't go any further [on the computer]"
"Let's use Mr then"
"..."
"I know you probably think I'm being silly, but I'd like to make the point that my marital status is irrelevant. Mr makes as much sense as the other two to me"
"I do think you are being silly"
"I can't be the first person to ever refuse to give their marital status"
"You're the first person in 10 years and I don't know why you are insisting on refusing".
"..."

I already know from dealing with this council that "Ms" isn't an option. I raised this at the time, that "ms" should be an option. It had to be logged as a complaint despite it not being a complaint. A couple of weeks later I got a written reply telling me that Ms isn't an option on their system(!).

I used to be an insurance manager in a large call centre. Whenever we got calls from women saying "I am Ms. not Miss. or Mrs...well, let's just say those calls got the biggest eye rolls ever.

I guess women wanting the vote used to get the odd eye roll too. Silly women(!).

lol, as if the voting rights of women has anything to do with it!

Wow numptie. Why the eyerolls? Why the contempt? For a request to be addressed correctly?

As it's mumsnet, I'll presume you're a woman. Quite frankly, I think it's disgusting that you had a job - you do realise that there are men out there unemployed? I don't know who you think you are taking up one of their opportunities.

lol, it's a shame you don't have anything more substantial to squander your time on. This is rrqlly a non subject, isn't it? If you're married, use Mrs. If not, use Miss. If you really believe that marriage is an oppressive, patriarchal institution, you won't be married anyway, so Miss. will work fine. Ms. is a wanky, unnecessary title which doesn't really mean anything.

Well done Vivacia, that must have been hard going! especially once you knew he thought you were being silly! Hats off to you!

Ms. conjures up image of maiden aunt with chip on shoulder.

It was a very amicable conversation Original, I made my point calmly and acknowledged that she probably didn't really need this at the start of her day but it was important to me to make the point. I said that we were both trailblazing this morning.

Ms. conjures up image of maiden aunt with chip on shoulder.

Absolutely numptie, for far too many people, even nowadays. That's why it's a point worth making

Numtie, it's a non-subject for you perhaps. It seems that you are the one squandering time when the rest of us simply wish to be addressed as we wish to.

I'm married, yet I use Ms. on principle, and always request this. Why does this upset you so much?

Ms. conjures up image of maiden aunt with chip on shoulder

Ah, that good old favourite: you embittered femmo, you, you clearly can't get a man.

Vivacia, tell them you're a transman who hasn't had voicebox surgery.

it doesn't upset me, just generates a weary internal eye roll...I'd only ever be polite and helpful with someone using this title (whilst thinking it's a bit daft and not the feminist statement they think) I sponsor a girl in Mali and encouraged my girls with their Maths and Science (they're now both top of top sets, whereas I was told that girls can't do Maths and science) That, to me anyway, is what feminism is about. Not Ms.

They're letting girls do maths and science now? Why?

Vivacia, your post reminds me of two occasions when I phoned some big corporate company. First time was years ago when I wanted BT to send us itemised bills. The bill was in DH's name. However, I always paid it and did the household management so it was me who phoned them

Me: Please can I have all future bills itemised
BT: Sorry, but we need the bill owner to make this request
Me: But I am the bill owner
BT: No, it is in the name of Mr Butter
Me: I am Mrs Butter and you are happy to accept the cheques each quarter from my bank account.
(Discussion goes on for a minute or two and BT are intransigent - they will NOT help me but finally I continue with..)
Me: As you are being so difficult please let me pass you to Mr Butter.
(I was in the office, so asked a male colleague to do the asking for me)
Male Colleague: Please can you do as you have been asked - send itemised bills for this account
BT: Certainly, Sir

Now how ridiculous is that?

On another occasion (possibly to dear BT again) I cut through the above conversation and when asked my name I said "I'm Mr Butter". Hesitation at other end. The person didn't want to sound rude telling a man (actually me) that they sounded like a women.... and thought that perhaps I could be transgender, so they didn't want to offend me.... and so the conversation carried on with them thinking they were talking to a very female-sounding man and did whatever I then asked.

numpties, the voting rights of women has everything to do with it. We only got that change to how our society viewed women by certain brave women campaigning about a very large inequality. Today men are mostly never asked their marital status when they are leaving a phone message, nor do they have to declare it on their driving licence. Women do. Another inequality, so if a few of us make a protest it may make a difference one day, perhaps not for us, but maybe for our DDs.

At work we have an in/out board, so the receptionist can see who is in the building and who isn't.

All the men are just named by their initials - J Smith etc.

All the women are Miss S Jones and Mrs D Clark etc. I don't think there are any titled Ms - the title is generally chosen by the office staff who add your name to the list when you start.

It has annoyed me forever, but I'm too much of a coward to raise it, mainly because of the sort of negative comments on this thread.

I might stealthily change it one name at a time (its one of those where there's plastic white letters in a board with holes in) and see how long it is before anyone notices .

They're letting girls do maths and science now? Why?

I might stealthily change it one name at a time (its one of those where there's plastic white letters in a board with holes in) and see how long it is before anyone notices

Nah, open a can of Red Bull or something and do it all in one go!

numpties, your eye-rolling attitude to customers (yes, I know you said it was internal) is despicable. Do you still work in the customer service industry? I rather hope not.

Your 'maiden aunt' comment is the tiredest, oldest kind of stereotype going. People are trying to change the way 'Ms' is viewed for exactly this reason.

Sponsoring a girl in Mali and encouraging your children at school is part of being a feminist. So is standing up for the right and desire of women not to have to reveal their marital status when filling in forms, or display it on their driving licences, or be eye-rolled if they choose a neutral title.

What if your daughters want to be 'Ms'? Will you roll your eyes at them?

oh wow, so not liking a title is 'despicable'?
Lol! You might want to find a real cause to get behind :)

Pleeeeease do that Ilkley. I love a bit of stealth round the office

If you really believe that marriage is an oppressive, patriarchal institution, you won't be married anyway

Numptie I am married (not a Mrs, didn't change my name, register office, no walk down the aisle, though I did wear a white dress, I just don't love another colour enough and black seemed sour) and do you know, I think you're right. It is a loathsome patriarchal institution. It has hamstrung my confidence; I got married and had a child, and my life has come to a shuddering halt. If it weren't for visa issues I would divorce DH, I really would.