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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband completely ignores house rules at the weekend!

155 replies

MyPantsAreGreen · 27/07/2014 13:20

I am by no means an OCD but there are certain things round the house that me and the children do to make life easier and run more smoothly. Simple things like not leaving bags and shoes dumped by the front door so I can get the pram in an out, not having drinks on the drawing table because they inevitably get knocked over, not allowing constant grazing of food because then main meals are a waste of time. Noting ott just simple things. When my husband is around he shows little regard to any of this and seems to actively flout these rules just to make
his presence felt. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to tow the line at the weekends? He called me a horrible and obnoxious person for asking him to tidy away 2 wine glasses and put them in a cupboard? Is it me should I just grin and bear it?

OP posts:
BIWI · 27/07/2014 20:00

But you're not happy and it doesn't sound like your husband is either.

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 20:49

didnt see the you must be unhappy post,?but the relationship you describe is fractious?
Ease up a bit on the brusque instructions,and dont obsess about minutiae
Yes do return to work,employ a cleaner.leave long precuse list fur cleaner

AnnDaloozier · 27/07/2014 20:52

whats a drawing table?

AnnDaloozier · 27/07/2014 20:53

do you sketch a lot?

SolidGoldBrass · 27/07/2014 20:58

Thing is, when one partner is SAHP and the other is WOHP, the job of the one who is at home is childcare. Being at home with small children does not turn you into your wage-earning partner's domestic servant.
Domestic work is a shared responsibility. The way to share it fairly is for both parents to have the same amount of leisure time - not for the wage-earner to come home from work, flop on the sofa and be waited on while the one who looks after the children is still scurrying around cleaning and cooking and tidying and laundering until bedtime.

BIWI · 27/07/2014 20:59

Hear, hear, SGB.

Ragwort · 27/07/2014 21:07

Who the hell 'audits' their wardrobe? Hmm

Do people really live like this, I can't understand how anyone (particularly from a legal career background) can get into the situation of having three (yes, OK, one might be a 'surpise' but three Shock) young children without agreeing on basic 'house keeping standards'.

Has your DH suddenly changed overnight? Was he like this when you had your first child?

ICanSeeTheSun · 27/07/2014 21:10

I set the rules for bedtime as I do bedtime 95% of the time, I set these rules and routines because it makes my life easier and if DH try's to mess with it he is in for shit from me.

DH sets the rules and routines for the morning as he does more school runs grab me, I never break his rules and routines for the morning.

Breaking rules that makes your DP life harder I really don't understand. Unless they was bizarre rules.

For example in my house if you use the cooker, wipe it down after use if there is any mess ditto for the microwave. Other wise it's a few hours job.

BlackeyedSusan · 27/07/2014 22:16

with one or two children at home during the day I should imagine a lot of time is taken up with caring for them. plus school runs, etc. do what housework can be fitted in and then everything else is shared.

isn't the mantra on MN that there is equal time off not sahm pick up all the housework and child care?

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 22:18

Op hasnt got a job,shes financially dependent upon dh for bills,food,accommodation
Her task is to keep on top all domestic chores,childcare,his job is earn salary
If you only see role as childcare,then what is role when kids at school?do nowt?

Chosing a patriarchal set up of dependency on male wage,well yes female will do chores,childcare,and general house things to keep it all ticking over. In exchange,for bills paid,food,accommodation,and not having the stress of working

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 27/07/2014 22:50

scottishmummy you are in danger of appearing to be the Michael Gove of the MN world. I find it very hard to take you seriously, you are uninformed and needlessly antagonistic.

OP you are your DH's partner, not his slave. Yes, it is your role to do the domestic chores (that need doing) whilst he is at work but when he gets home he should play his part too. That's what a partnership is about.

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 22:57

Gove?Shes not a failing housewife in danger of becoming an academy is she?trojan housewife?
What relevace has michael gove to me? none.to the thread none?
And you i fear are the try too hard queen of quips

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 27/07/2014 23:01

Why I find you to be like Gove: I find it very hard to take you seriously, you are uninformed and needlessly antagonistic.

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 23:01

Yes,trying too hard

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 27/07/2014 23:01

Shoes and bags by door is annoying, I agree. Not unreasonable to ask him to move them if this makes life difficult.

As for the rest, he is an adult, if he wants to put a drink on the table and eat between meals, then he can, he doesn't need yours or anyone else's permission to do so.

Likewise, if he thinks his clothes don't need washing, then that's his call too. He's a grown man.

When he called you obnoxious and horrible was that because you asked him very nicely to obey your rules or were you in fact being obnoxious and horrible?

kerrymumbles · 27/07/2014 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 27/07/2014 23:06

But I don't think I'd be much fun to live with if I had to smell out my partner's dirty laundry.

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 23:07

So dont inhale

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 27/07/2014 23:08

I would either

A) go back to FT work so no one is in the house all day messing it up and you can expect your DH to have an equal share of household management / childcare

Or B) stop doing all but the necessary tasks on evenings and weekends and share them eg putting the kids to bed together, clearing up after a meal together

In both cases you need to stop washing his clothes.

GalaxyInMyPants · 27/07/2014 23:11

OP, you sound like my dh. He's always nagging me to put my shoes on the shoe rack, not leave cups about, etc. I'm sick of the nagging and its like been 12yo and living with my parents.

I'm not a tidy person. I do try but I just don't see it. I'm not going to change.

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 23:13

Agree,its infantilising to sniff adult man clothes to check if need washed
If they need washed he put in laundry basket,she pop in machine
But do go back to work.get some focus.leave your cleaner a specific list

HavanaSlife · 27/07/2014 23:15

I'm a sahm, I wash whatevers in the laundry basket. It's not my job to hunt down dirty clothes. Just leave his dirty clothes in the wardrobe.

hoobypickypicky · 27/07/2014 23:21

"Have you missed the obvious,you're the housewife.its your role to do domestic stuff" Shock

And that includes picking up after him because he. a grown up man, thinks he's too important to and/or can't be bothered to do it himself, does it?

"Housewife"? Hmm I prefer "stay at home parent". The clue's in the wording. Parent. The OP is not a parent to her husband.

Fairenuff · 27/07/2014 23:29

I don't think I'd be much fun to live with if I had to smell out my partner's dirty laundry

OP doesn't have to smell out his laundry. I've asked several times what does he say/do to make her and OP has given no reply. It's clear that this is something she chooses to do.

Sallystyle · 27/07/2014 23:38

Can I politely ask you OP to not refer to OCD in that manner again?

I am sure you just worded it badly but I have OCD. I am not an obsessive compulsive disorder.

As for the rest, well I'm sitting on the fence, enjoying SM spewing out the same tired lines as she always does.