Husband completely ignores house rules at the weekend!

[MyPantsAreGreen]

I am by no means an OCD but there are certain things round the house that me and the children do to make life easier and run more smoothly. Simple things like not leaving bags and shoes dumped by the front door so I can get the pram in an out, not having drinks on the drawing table because they inevitably get knocked over, not allowing constant grazing of food because then main meals are a waste of time. Noting ott just simple things. When my husband is around he shows little regard to any of this and seems to actively flout these rules just to make
his presence felt. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to tow the line at the weekends? He called me a horrible and obnoxious person for asking him to tidy away 2 wine glasses and put them in a cupboard? Is it me should I just grin and bear it?

[Fairenuff]

I have never audited my own wardrobe, let alone someone else's

OP what would happen if you just didn't wash his clothes but left them stinking in the wardrobe?

[Mrsjayy]

This thread is blowing my mind house rules for husbands husband being disrespectful wife looking for dirty clothes its just weird do people really live like this

[MyPantsAreGreen]

Well I can hear him upstairs hoovering now. He always gets the hoover out to apologise for calling me Horrible and obnoxious and making me smell his nasty clothes.

[Sicaq]

OP, I hope this does not sound too nosey - but do you have interests outside the home? It does seem like the house is your entire world, which may be why you are so ... concerned about it being just so.

[Mrsjayy]

What is a wardrobe audit has he got wholly pants or something

[aquashiv]

Was he like this before you married him? If he wont do it then you cant make him. Leave him to it. If his smell/rancid clothing are in the way put them in black bags and tell them they are in the out house as they might attract fleas.

[MrsJossNaylor]

But it's not a workplace. It's his home.
He has every right to an equal say on the "rules" of said home, not to be treated like a naughty child.

Your "rules" sound a bit bats, tbh. Wtf is auditing a wardrobe?!

YABU and a bit of a bully.

[Mrsjayy]

Holey

[MyPantsAreGreen]

And some of the nastier horrible comments have actually put things into context for me so thanks for those too everyone.

[YouTheCat]

Maybe he just wants to be able to kick back at the weekend and not have the stress of you being so anal about putting wine glasses away.

[MissDuke]

You are regarding your home as your workplace, which I find quite sad. When dh comes home, he is not entering your place of work - he is relaxing in his own home environment! He should not be expected to carefully abide by all of your rules and audit his wardrobe against his will, he should have some say in what happens in his home. It really is not comparable to you entering his place of work. That said, he should be pulling his weight, not making life difficult for you deliberately.

I feel your posts scream of someone who is used to working hard in a professional environment and has struggled to adapt to the life of a sahm.

Absolutely you need to speak to him about this, but in a loving way - not in a nasty manager to incompetent employee sort of way

I am also concerned by your obvious dislike of him - is this recent? As you have had three children to him in 6 years, which seems unfortunate if you really don't like him.

[BackforGood]

I have to say, you are coming over as very, very controlling and a little bit weird on here. Obviously we can only go on what you are posting, but some of the turns of phrase you are using really do sound odd.

It's supposed to be his home! The place you can all relax in. It sounds as if you are speaking to him as if he were about 3 yrs old. It's not your workplace, it's your home - that is the home for all the family.

It's not about if it's reasonable to leave shoes and bags by the door, it's about the way you communicate with each other.

[ADishBestEatenCold]

Do you and your husband do things together, with your children, at weekends, MyPantsAreGreen?

Do you have family meals together? Go for walks as a family? Go for weekend outings, together?

[emotionsecho]

OP please try and sit down and have an adult to adult conversation with your dh, find out what your expectations are of each other, what you both like/want, dislike/don't want and come to a compromise which is acceptable to both of you, for the sake of all of you.

[ENormaSnob]

I think you may need to get out more.

[MyPantsAreGreen]

We do too much loads actually and maybe that's part of the problem that I have to fit in any domestic chores around the enormous list of stuff we do at the weekends or push it all into the days when he isn't at home freeing up the weekend to do fun stuff. That way I am feel I am the domestic servant.

[Mrsjayy]

It sounds like you have very high standards and he isnt fitting your standards im not suggesting you live like a slob or anything but relax a bit 3 kids under 6 sounds exhausting but it does sound like you run the home like a factory and your husband ruins it have you always been so nasty to each other or is it an after children thing because it sounds like you are horrible to each other which must make for a miserable home life

[LisaMed]

HE PUTS HIS UNWASHED CLOTHES BACK IN THE WARDROBE AND EXPECTS YOU TO SNIFF THEM TO SEE WHICH ONES NEED WASHING

So it's okay for him to make needless and unpleasant work for you but not okay for him to leave the bag by the door which would take seconds to shift?

[ADishBestEatenCold]

"We do too much loads actually and maybe that's part of the problem that I have to fit in any domestic chores around the enormous list of stuff we do at the weekends"

That does sound a bit frantic. Sorry if I'm reading too much into between the lines here, but it also sounds as if you feel a bit stressed if your domestic routine is disrupted too much.

Certainly, with small children there are always some daily chores that can't be ignored (I used to love to hear an American friend's grandfather sum up childcare ... "feed 'em, play with 'em, hose 'em down, n cuddle 'em" he used to say ... he had a point ). A lot of day to day domestic chores don't have to be done at weekends/every day.

"the enormous list of stuff we do at the weekends"

Which one of you comes up with this list ... thinks of the things you will all do together at weekends?

[emotionsecho]

So if you are very busy at the weekends as a family can you not just do what absolutely has to be done housework wise at the weekend, i.e., don't bother with main meals, or just have light, easy meals, if you have been snacking most of the day?

Can you not view the weekends as a time off for you from domestic stuff?

Make the weekends rule relaxation time for everyone?

Ask your dh to share the cooking and any must-do stuff at the weekends?

Btw the putting of dirty, smelly clothes back into the wardrobe is pretty yuck, why on earth does he do this?

You do need an adult discussion about all this though.

[Anomaly]

I don't get why the op is getting such a hard time. I get annoyed if my DH leaves stuff lying about the hall same with cleaning up glasses etc. Her DH sounds grim putting dirty clothes away. She's a SAHM not a skivvy.

[pippistrelle]

Of course she's not a snobby, but neither is she a dictator.

If the home is her workplace, then her husband might be considered her customer. Just don't give him a feedback form to fill in, whatever you do.

Differing standards of hygiene can be a major bone of contention in sharing a home with any other person. But having one person attempt to impose rules is not the way forward, and will create resentment on one side or the other. I know: I've been there. Inevitability, you will both have to compromise, if you are to move past this. You need a talk about expectations (not just yours) - and agree how you will both behave.

[pippistrelle]

Skivvy, not snobby. Bloody autocorrect. Always thinks it knows best.