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AIBU?

Husband completely ignores house rules at the weekend!

155 replies

MyPantsAreGreen · 27/07/2014 13:20

I am by no means an OCD but there are certain things round the house that me and the children do to make life easier and run more smoothly. Simple things like not leaving bags and shoes dumped by the front door so I can get the pram in an out, not having drinks on the drawing table because they inevitably get knocked over, not allowing constant grazing of food because then main meals are a waste of time. Noting ott just simple things. When my husband is around he shows little regard to any of this and seems to actively flout these rules just to make
his presence felt. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to tow the line at the weekends? He called me a horrible and obnoxious person for asking him to tidy away 2 wine glasses and put them in a cupboard? Is it me should I just grin and bear it?

OP posts:

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KillmeNow · 27/07/2014 14:13

Maybe its the way you are reminding him of the house rules.

He is not one of the children and he needs to be spoken to as the adult he is.
If he spills a drink he must clean it up - every time. If he leaves a bag in the way of the front door so you cant get in he must come and move it - every time.

But dont screech at him -just call his name and ask him to move the thing that stopping you from getting in. When he spills something a simple reminder that the cleaning cloths are under the sink as you attend to something else is all that necessary. He will learn the right way eventually.

As you said yourself , it takes years to learn how to run the house.He is only a part timer so needs extra time .

MyPantsAreGreen · 27/07/2014 14:13

Well to give you a bit more back ground he never washes his shirts and work clothes just puts worn clothes back in the wardrobe and smelly trousers back on the hanger. Since I have been at home he has never audited his wardrobe and done a wash I have had to do this and he has told me he expects this as I am at home. Over the last year since baby number 3 I have not done it as regularly as It needs to be and I have used this as a test to what his capabilities are regarding looking after himself. Was wondering what the unwashed smell was in our bedroom and what a horrible stench was emanating from his wardrobe! So maybe he acts like a child so I have to impose rules like a child....

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2014 14:14

It sounds like he wants to relax at home and doesnt want to be part of your regime if he is calling you names that is horrible but it is his house too he should be comfortable at home, it sounds as though he doesnt find your rules comfortable I would carry on doing things your way with the children so life is easy for you, what does he do that annoys you so mucy

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 14:17

Oh you dont like his rules,and won't adhere?but he has to follow your rules

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2014 14:17

You sound like his mother and he is acting like a kid and you had 3 children with thiw manchild why cant you wash his clothes when you put a wash on

hebejebe · 27/07/2014 14:18

Crikey, scottish mummy, a bit harsh or what! So only paid people work?

Elizabeth1984 · 27/07/2014 14:18

I'm on your side OP! He sounds just like my dh. He's not being considerate to you, you tried to ask him to help and he called you names.
I totally know how you feel. You work hard to keep on top of 3 under 6. He comes home for a rest, but you're still working - and he's just made your work a lot harder!

Regarding what others are saying about it being your rules not his rules. I imagine he might say his rule is that he lies in front of the TV eating, while the rest of you are in the kitchen. Doesn't exactly help you.

I agree about talk about it if you can. But if he's anything like my horrible dh he wouldn't particularly care about making things easier for you.

Good luck!

Mabelface · 27/07/2014 14:19

Housewife? Since when did she marry the house? Are you stuck in a 1950's time warp?

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 14:19

You don't work,you do the laundry
Unless yiu go get a job,pay the bills,utilities,accommodation
Then you can discuss allocation of tasks.but you don't work.so domestic is. Your responsibility

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2014 14:19

Its got into a battle of wills nowin situation how long has this been going on

BakeOLiteGirl · 27/07/2014 14:20

I am by no means an OCD...

What does this even mean?

SconeRhymesWithGone · 27/07/2014 14:20

I think the point about the rules is that they should be decided together, not two sets of unilateral rules that conflict with each other.

silveroldie2 · 27/07/2014 14:22

Keeping a house in good order is hardly brain surgery, we all do it, some whilst working at the same time. Not sure why it took you years.

I'm assuming from your posts that your DH works and you are at home all day thinking up new rules. It's his home too - why does he not get to make rules of his own?

MyPantsAreGreen · 27/07/2014 14:22

I am happy to wash stuff that goes in the laundry basket! No problems with that! Just didn't think it was my job to also smell the stuff in the warp be and establish what needs to be washed!

OP posts:

TheWordFactory · 27/07/2014 14:22

I don't think your rules are particularly draconian OP, but your tone is awful...it would really get my back up TBH.

Viviennemary · 27/07/2014 14:22

I can see why it annoys you if he expects you to tidy up after him. But on the other hand no adult really likes be treated like a child even if you think he behaves like one sometimes. But this house rules nonsense. That would really annoy me. You are two adults and one person shouldn't be making the rules.

ilovesooty · 27/07/2014 14:23

If you use language like "toeing the line" with him it's not really surprising he's resistant to seeing your point of view really.

BettyBolognese · 27/07/2014 14:25

Your workplace, your rules?!?!
No it's his and your home... You just happen to be there more than him. Do you not like him being around?

hebejebe · 27/07/2014 14:25

Ha ha! Just realised that actually scottish mummy made the ruless. Nothing like bu imposing your rules on a whole forum rather than1 husband.

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 14:26

Your task is domestic stuff.his is to earn salary financially provide
You've not got a onerous task,in fact it it doss.its Asgard as you make it
Unlike yiu,he has to work,maintain a wage,keep things together financially

emotionsecho · 27/07/2014 14:26

Zen but on the other hand if his drink is spilt he has lost the drink and has to clear up the mess so it's his look out. Why would the OP have to clear up the mess?

The bag in the way is inconsiderate, so ask him to get the buggy out of the door and maybe he will get the message?

I still think the OP sounds a bit patronising towards her dh, it's not just a house it is a home, a place you are supposed to feel comfortable and relaxed, hence the need to talk like adults and listen to the others point of view and compromise.

The going into the work place arguement is a bit of a red herring, people go into new jobs all over the world and question the manner of doing things and suggest options, sometimes it is necessary as new people have fresh new, ideas and don't have the fixed rigid "it's always been done this way" mentality of people who have been there a long time, it's how businesses change, improve and grow.

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Fairenuff · 27/07/2014 14:26

He sees you as a housewife - responsible for cleaning, cooking, childcare, laundry, etc.

You see yourself as a housewife - responsible for cleaning, cooking, childcare, laundry, etc.

You have both pigeonholed you into a submissive, unappreciated role, OP and therefore your opinion doesn't count.

If you want that to change, you will have to change the dynamics of your relationship. But I don't think you will, I think you will both continue as you are and you will both complain about each other to anyone who will listen.

He will moan about 'her indoors nagging him' and you will moan about him 'not listening' to you. It sounds like a very unhappy way to live but it also sounds like you have both chosen this and neither of you really wants to change.

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2014 14:27

Maybe he doesnt think his trousers are that dirty does he expect you to go looking for his dirty clothes or do you think you have too because of the stench

BettyBolognese · 27/07/2014 14:27

Since I have been at home he has never audited his wardrobe and done a wash I have had to do this and he has told me he expects this as I am at home.

Can I just say... I love 'audited his wardrobe'. I'm going to suggest DH audit his wardrobe... I think though he may just laugh at me.

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