To think a whole class except 3 party sends a very pointed message.....

[starterforeight]

I'm trying to get my head round this as it is affecting the way I see someone I know well.

I'd rather not say which part I am currently playing in all of this so as to get a truly non biased opinion.

The children concerned are more than old enough to notice who is and isn't invited to a party and much discussion takes place about who's going, what they're going to wear, what they're going to do.

YABU.

It's up to the kids whose party it is who comes. It may be as simple as the fact that she just doesn't like them, they're sneery, they pissed her off 2 years ago & she bears a grudge.

It's just one of them life things they'll have to get used to.....

With the available information a pointed message could be inferred, however at the end if the day it all comes down to the intentions
of the parent & child planning the party & all of the surrounding social politics.

I'm interested in who the message is supposed to be sent too, it is the children themselves or their parents?

No, it's not necessarily a pointed message unless there is reason to believe the 3 children excluded have something in common beyond 'party child does not like me'. Party child or parents could just be socially inept and think it's okay to exclude only 3. They could be deliberately cruel, and picking on these 3 more or less at random.

What's the point of a pointed message if no one else sees the point you're making?

YANBU to think this sends a pointed message.

No. Yes. YABU. This is an odd thread and I don't really understand what your point is.

Of course it's pertinent what the perceived message might be. You've described a very particular scenario, but clearly omitted relevant details (age of children, your role, your perception of what the so-called message is.).

What's the point?

It is really hard to tell whether there is a pointed message if, from the circumstances you've described, it isn't clear what that message might be.

Gotta love AIBU for bringing out the unreasonable in some folks, eh ?

Quiet, how disgusting of that mother, boasting about it too! I would have asked where ds invite was!

What Quip said. This could be seen as sending a message, or equally it could mean absolutely nothing.

No

I asked before but you havent replied so how old are the children?

If they are 9 then the reasons could be very different to if they are 15 year olds.

The point of a pointed message is that there is some sort of point to the message. If it's a random exclusion then no. If there is a point to the exclusion, and to this thread, please let us know and we may or may not agree with you.

HTH.

My dd8 has recently been 'missed' from a few parties. Whilst I feel desperately sad about it and have, in fact, cried a lot , I am pretty sure it is because she is a hot tempered little so and so who has actually been a bit nasty this term. It's horrible being the mother of a 'bully' :(. She has been so upset that this may have taught her a bit of a lesson. OT I know but saying from the parents' POV how awful it feels.

We are dealing with it - hopefully things will be better next term :(

The only message I can see is that the party child and/or mother don't like the 3 children (or possibly their parents).

Posted too soon. No I don't think there is a pointed message.

This thread is weird. Smacks of being started just for a bit of attention, people clamouring to know what the big secret is, OP blushing and giggling and 'oh I couldn't possibly'.

Yes, you could possibly.

Oh, well that's all a bit inconclusive then and I'm reconsidering my earlier post. It sends a message if the party-holder is aware they deliberately excluded three, and if they are aware that excluding such a small number could be considered a snub.
Are you going to stop your dc going to the party in solidarity with the Party-Invite-3 ?

Then of course there's the question of whether those children would even want to attend.

I was picked on in school.

I was part of the "reject group" and had other members of the "reject group" for tea/parties :o

Then the in crowd made out they would be friends with my little "reject group" of they weren't friends with me so any invites after that would have been a "no thanks" and a sympathy invite wasbt what I wanted either.

I'd rather be alone than have had friends like that.

Secondary school was better I got my "out crowd" back :o

Yes it sends a pointed message.

Are you the party mum or are you a parent of one of the party £?

You say in the OP that it is affecting how you see someone. That makes it sound as if you know what the pointed message is meant to be.

Well, it's a lesson for us all. The presence or absence of party invitations are a stooopid way of communicating messages, pointed or otherwise.

party 3 not £

OK so not inviting 3 children is probably a pointed message.

Some possible reasons why they are on the host's shitlist could be
-didn't rsvp last year then turned up anyway
-turned up to last year's party with D&V
-turned up to last year's party with an uninvited sibling in tow which the parents got shitty about host not having a place for
-did RSVP last year and host paid for their place only for them not to turn up because they didn't feel like it on the day and didn't bother to let the host know so they could use the place for a sibling

I'm probably projecting a bit at the moment and all thoughts of a party shitlist will be forgotten by the time next year comes around

NAPLB, I feel your pain, I think I'm done with parties and it will just be a few close friends and a cinema/pizza trip next year!

On the basis of the information you have given - Yes it gives a pointed message.

However you have not given us any additional information which allows us to judge how biased or unbiased your reporting of the facts might be.

Therefore, you would be U to take our opinions as any kind of 'proof' that you are in the right in this situation, whatever it is.