To think a whole class except 3 party sends a very pointed message.....

[starterforeight]

I'm trying to get my head round this as it is affecting the way I see someone I know well.

I'd rather not say which part I am currently playing in all of this so as to get a truly non biased opinion.

The children concerned are more than old enough to notice who is and isn't invited to a party and much discussion takes place about who's going, what they're going to wear, what they're going to do.

A grudge against the parent/s of the children?

I'm also struggling to understand that if it is a pointed message, what the pointed message is?!

Are you going to tell us the reason for the exclusion? or is this thread just to garner our opinion on whether it sends a pointed message and whether we'd think differently of the parent involved? Yes and yes imo.

I think we need to hear your theory on why the children have been excluded.

I'm sure of my facts/information, that's as far as I'll be drawn on the matter of where I stand in this NigellasDealer.

Okay, YANBU, it sends a pointed message. Now will you tell us what the message is?? Racism? Religious extremism? Terrorism? Three are Tories in a heavily Labour constituency? Three are vegan and the parents of the party child really hate that?

I think it's always cruel, with few exceptions, to leave out a small minority of kids from a class. I've seen a few times when the exception is justified (usually by bullying), but I think the "half or less" rule is a good one if you don't want the whole class.

oooh the plot thickens....
so why do you think they have been excluded?

do their mums wear headscarves?

Why do people try to read a message into everything?

The world is not about you and your child.

I've told dd that she won't be invited to every party all the time.

That people have costs and other things to consider.

I have buses to catch I dont have time to hunt down teachers and class lists, I've relied on invites, and Xmas cards to give me an idea of who is in the class.

Leaving out a child had never been something that's been intended. And I certainly haven't got time to be childish enough to " send messages"

Good post, Quip.

Given the information, yes it does send a pointed message that these 3 have been excluded.

The message it sends is that the inviter is a twat.

Well I reckon you could discuss it all day but basically it's rude.

If you are an invitee, you have no clue why the invitations were not extended. Therefore, without that crucial piece of information, YABU as there is every chance that they are NOT sending a pointed message.

If you are the inviter, well, I don't see the point of your getting people to guess why you have not invited those three children. It smacks of attention-seeking behaviour in an effort to get more responses, which are utterly pointless without the missing crucial information.

If you are the invitee and you DO know why the children were not invited, well, I don't see the point of your getting people to guess why you have not invited those three children. It smacks of attention-seeking behaviour in an effort to get more responses, which are utterly pointless without the missing crucial information.

In addition, if a pointed message IS being sent, it is not necessarily an exclusively good or bad thing - impossible to say without the missing crucial information i.e. the reason(s) behind the pointed message.

Therefore, overall, YABU.

If the children involved are really little horrors who bully & terrorise the rest of the class then they also sends out a pointed message.

But sadly that is often not why children are excluded, it's usually down to them bring a but different/odd/slightly challenging in some way or a snobbery/ money thing.

You obviously have a theory about why the 3 children are not invited. Are you going to share it?

Yes I would think it sends some kind of message but unless I knew the people myself or you're going to be clear about the situation, then I wouldn't have the first clue what the message is.

YANBU.

It points towards the parents being cocks IMO.

People please, It's an AIBU thread, I've now given loads of additional info, all I'm asking for is "AIBU to...................."

Who cares what the message may be, is the action of having a whole class bar 3 party generally perceived as sending some sort of pointed message ?

Yes or No

Three Israelis, the rest Palestinian. Or vice versa.

Three went on holiday to Florida. Party child is jealous.

We could do this all day.

Are the 3 excluded children friends? Or are their parents friends?

I'm unsure of the etiquette in this type of situation. If you are the parent of the dc being snubbed, can you ask the party-holding parent why they snubbed our dc? Or does that make you appear overly-invested in dcs' party invites?

(sorry it's a little bit of a derail but the OP seems reluctant to provide any more info at the moment anyway).

Files, I get what you & others are saying & could accept that if it happened every now & then.

But the reality is that often children who are excluded from one party are excluded from every party. They start to notice, they get upset. You try to reassure them but they know they arnt wanted/liked/accepted.

Yes.

your not our

Trust me, I don't have a theory to share about the exclusion of the 3.