To think a whole class except 3 party sends a very pointed message.....

[starterforeight]

I'm trying to get my head round this as it is affecting the way I see someone I know well.

I'd rather not say which part I am currently playing in all of this so as to get a truly non biased opinion.

The children concerned are more than old enough to notice who is and isn't invited to a party and much discussion takes place about who's going, what they're going to wear, what they're going to do.

I could understand it I think if maybe the three excluded had been involved in bullying of the child who's party it's for?

Is that a possibility?

No Sliced, the OP has denied there is any reason for the exclusion.

My current working theory is that the OP is a friend of the party organiser and thinks the organiser should invite whole class, because not doing so sends some sort of negative message. Party organiser disagrees and is only inviting the kids as named by party child. OP is in a quest to prove rightness of the 'if it's over half the class, invite the whole class' opinion.

Am I close? Why do I even care?

Yank I'm with you (on the theory AND the puzzlement on why I care!) AIBU does this to a person!

It sends a message, yes, whether or not it is pointed we don't know because we don't know why they weren't invited, you don't seem to be able to understand we can't really answer without the reason.

It could be that they weren't invited simply because birthday child doesn't like them so message is "I don't like you so I don't want you at my party."

It could be that the children get on fine, but the parents look down on them for some reason and don't think they are the sort of children they want their children mixing with, so the message may be "You/your parents are too poor/common/hippyish/whatever to come to our party."

You obviously do know the reason though.

The fact that there have been so many follow-up questions suggests that even if this is an attempt at a pointed message, it's probably missing its mark unless the other parents are much better at guessing that we all are. So, YABU to think that it's obvious what the message might be, but YANBU to think that excluding three children from a whole class will potentially raise some eyebrows amongst those not invited.

What AMumInScotland said.

My DH just came in to see if I'm ready to go out for lunch.

I'm only half-dressed as I'm too busy refreshing this thread to see if the OP decides to provide us more info.

Why? Why? I hate myself.

What a ridiculous thread.

I don't see the issue. If my kids are not invited to a party neither they nor I give a shit. I just don't get it.
Who really cares and why did I waste 10 mins reading the thread to find out no more than what's in the opening message?!

You might not give a shit the first time penguin, but by the 10th, 15th or even 20th time your child might start to feel hurt by it.

The only message it sends is "you didn't invite me, so I didn't invite you".

My kids have missed out lots of times, I assure you, we don't care! We don't do parties anyway so being excluded in return barely even registers.
Not everyone can or should expect to be invited and /or included in everything. It's not the end of the world and to be honest I question the motives of any parent who throws the sort of parties that accommodate so many kids. It's weird, imo.

Came on the thread to suggest invitations lost
In pupil/teacher post (quiet could be why your DS wasn't invited - accidental exclusion?) but see it wasn't that.

I'm with muminscotland

Ditto ASD child excluded too - we are only at the beginnin of te exclusions as he's still in reception and thankfully he doesn't yet realise he is being excluded yet. But yes, it is heartbreaking, and will be all the more so once he does realise.

Loving the shitlist lunchbox - I've had all that too!

Then the only logical conclusion here is that the OP is in fact one of The Excludees, not a mum, but a very precocious eight year old.

So listen to me darling. You might not be invited to parties because sometimes your little friends get a bit bored when you start a story in the playground, keep it going for a few days but never finish it or even let your chums have the information they need.

Do you get that, sweetie?

Now, let's find something more fun to do.

Guess what I've got hidden in the shed?

It might be a paddling pool. Or then again, it might be a smelly broken chair.

I'll let you know on Friday, poppet. Run along now.

And surely if your child does care then as a parent you help make them learn to accept it and not be bothered. It's a life lesson, not everyone is going to like your child and likewise the other way.

YANBU in that it if it was a 'whole class party' without a significant cohort of out-of-school friends involved then it would generally be considered that the three had been deliberately excluded for some reason. In the absence of issues between the parents or bullying it would make the Host parent look less than thoughtful and almost bullying of the outcast three. Were I a parent of one of the outcast three I'd be laying on a cinema trip with popcorn and cake for the three of them.
However, there is clearly more to this than you are saying as you have been very specific which questions to answer.

Someone I know bought a dress. AIBU to think it is wrong that they do not want it anymore? Now I can't give you anymore detail apart from the facts that it has sleeves, it is made of fabric, and was made to fit a female. Oh, and my friend thinks I am BU to not want it anymore.
Please someone, just tell me AIBU.

Easier said than done penguin

Knowing that no one likes you isn't nice for anyone, least if all a child.

I know but you can't change other people, you can change how you/your child reacts to them

You have made an excellent point laymizzrab. I think YANBU. Can you just tell us what colour it is

To answer your original question, OP, I think YABU to assume that three have been excluded in order to send a pointed message.

I don't mean that you are an unreasonable person, but my opinion is that there may have been other factors which may have led to three being left out.