to think children shouldn't choose if they have contact with NRP if no welfare concerns?

[HopeYoureHappy]

DP has a contact order regarding his 7 and 9 year old children. Their mum has constantly breached it and uses the reason that it's the childrens choice - for example - DS doesn't want phone contact, he's busy on the iPad, DD has decided she'd rather go to her friends party and she wants me to take her, DS doesn't want to come because you don't have a paddling pool and he thinks he'll get too hot

Sometimes it's both DC that don't come, sometimes just one. Last time DD 'didn't feel likeit' and when DS ddiscussed a planned and paid for day out next week, he asked if DD was coming and DP replied 'no idea, she'll be the one missing out if she chooses not to.' AIBU to think that this is the wrong attitude and that the DC shouldn't be able to choose whether they come for contact any more than they can choose whether or not to go to school? They are always happy here and there's no welfare concerns but they are very much manipulated by their mum who bribes them to stay ('we could've gone to Thorpe park, but you're going to your dad's...) and tells them she'll ne lonely without them.

DP seems resigned to this messing around but they are back in court for review next month and I think he should ask the judge to ensure that DSC mum must adhere to the order and not put the DC in the middle. What do you think?

I do know that there were times when the kids would opt to stay in with their mum and have a takeaway or visit their maternal grandparents and my dsis would get incredibly annoyed because she'd bought tea in for them all. Then they'd want to come for tea when it wasn't their day, sometimes when she and her dh may have discussed going out. Their dad never wanted to say no as he wanted them to really feel like it was home, not dads place where they had a timetable to visit.

They all get on fabulously now and the children haven't grown up to be selfish or inconsiderate. I can honestly say that they are one of the best examples of step families I've ever seen.

The issue of changing days is a very vexed one. If it happens too often it makes the stepmother's life untenable yet, as a stepmother, one does want to make ones DSCs feel welcome and at home.

I don't think days should be changed lightly to be honest. There's no reason why the NRP shouldn't take their child to a party, and trips to theme parks/cinema etc can be arranged when they are with the RP if the RP wishes to take them.

The only time I've said 'no, we can't do that' is when he's called me the night before he wanted to ds and we've paid for non refundable train tickets and made plans to go somewhere. It's not always feasible to drop everything, and he's never grasped the concept of a few days notice. Surely it takes a while to arrange time off work, book flights etc There's no excuse other than control, I think.