It's a children at weddings AIBU...

[Thisisntmyrealnamexy]

I did search threads before posting this, but there was nothing recent and nothing that matched my situation exactly. I know this is a recurring topic, so sorry.

I'm getting married, still a while away, we haven't sent out invitations. But DP and I have both agreed that we don't want to have children at the ceremony. We're happy to have them at the reception.
I know that people will always take their child outside if they start crying/talking/generally making noise during the ceremony, but it isn't a risk either of us want to take, as once the ceremony has been interrupted, you can't really get that back. Especially if it's when you're saying your vows.

We plan to make this clear on invitations, and guests will be notified well in advance. I'm worried as a couple of guests have already expressed how much their children will enjoy the ceremony, and of course we're going to have to tell them, if they ask, that we're not inviting children.

I don't want to cause upset, but this is something DP and I have agreed on and won't be changing. So my question is, would this bother you? Would you challenge it? I'm wondering what to expect. Sorry for being vague as well (I post a lot - name-changed), but I don't want to out myself with specifics.

Just make it totally childfree. Otherwise I can see day shaping up for parents as follows:

• take dcs to sitter
• drive to venue (can't use transport provided as have to go back and forth with dcs
• view ceremony, attend wedding reception, don't drink due to driving
• decide to leave reception early, collect child, check dc fed (evening buffet prob too late for dc), hope that you don't have to hang around outside reception with excited/bored dc waiting for evening do to start OR
• wait til end of reception, collect dc, check dc fed, return for short period before leaving to put dc to bed.

So transport laid on is no use to them and for the people living an hour away that's 4 hours of driving so that the dcs can attend evening do for couple of hours at most. If one of the parents stays while the other collects in all likelihood they will both leave part way into the evening do unless the one who hasn't stayed sober has another way of getting home.

If you want child free probably best to elope or marry abroad at short notice.

Legally, in England, church weddings in any church are open to the public. This is to prevent people getting married in secret . It's more designed for regular members of the congregation than tourists.

I don't know about Scotland etc, or registry office weddings/those in stately homes etc.

If it was 40 guests and 20 additional under 10s I'd say you might want to mention to parents that space is limited. And you might find that 9 year olds were annoyed if teenagers were invited (where are you drawing the line by the way? 13? 18?). But if it's two families, can't the children sit on someone's knee?

Just please don't tell people it's for their own benefit so they can "really let their hair down".

I think it's more a case that all the guests feel that they can really let their hair down without children around - not just their own. As the hour progresses, the wedding becomes similar to any other party you'd go to.