to think £25 is enough?

[macdoodle]

DD1 is almost 13, it appears that I am not going to see much of her these holidays. She doesnt want to spend much time with me and DD2 (6), and is happy spending the day out with her friends. And there are days I am in work and she doesnt want to go to the CM with DD2.
She gets £10 a week pocket money usually (for extras/going out, I pay for essentials and her phone). I have agreed to give her an extra £25/week in the holidays (so £35/week for entertainment). I would probably spend that if she was out with us. She goes skating once a week.
She doesnt think its enough but she is staying out all day, so buying lunch and chips or something before she comes home in the evening.
I have told her I am not prepared to pay for her to eat 2 meals out a day and she either has to come home to eat or take something with her, or budget her spending money.
I think I am being reasonable and generous? Am I? AIBU? She certainly thinks so!

So far the worst was jumping in the barrage in her bra!

What is a barrage? Sorry if I sound thick

www.google.co.uk/search?q=cardiff+bay+barrage&safe=images&client=ms-android-hms-vf-gb&hl=en-GB&source=android-browser-suggest&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=VNzOU-ayFere7AbY_4C4Cg&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=360&bih=615#facrc=_&imgrc=6rqUklUI4ArKKM%253A%3Bp_0WfCTtUo3G4M%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.visitcardiff.com%252Fdbimgs%252FBarrage%252520walk%252520web.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.visitcardiff.com%252Flatest-news%252F2012%252F8%252F29%252Fopen-doors-celebrations-in-cardiff-bay-a1908%3B250%3B166

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barrage_(dam)

I think it's fine. Like you say, you have the money and can afford it why not.

When my DD was that age she got her whole child benefit to spend as she wanted......fast forward a few years and I now have a 15 yr old who doesn't leave the house, I've got to force her to make arrangements to go to the cinema etc

One of my best school holiday memories is hanging around the local park eating our chips

Oh right, she's not shy then!

My 13 year old is planning on spending a lot of time with his mates this holiday too. He needs £3.50 for a return train fare to the town where they all live and I give him that without question- it was our choice to live in the back of beyond, not his, and we have always said that transport is our problem not his. On top of that,I give him a couple of quid for chips, and more if thre is something specific they are going to do (cinema this Friday, for exqmple). Anything else comes out of his savings.

But we do talk about what we ar going to do- we have friends coming ovr on Thursday and I expect him to be here and sociable all that day. And he has jobs to do which arn't suspended just because it's the holidays. And he has to spend an hour every day doing something constructive. We have a long list of what's constructive that he can choose from, including films and music and books I have chosen, actual school worky stuff, planning and cooking dinner- lots of things. But I am old school.

Surely the OP's problem isn't the fact that she can afford it, but more that her DD doesn't appreciate it, if she thinks it's not enough?

Oops didnt mean to out where I am thought they'd be non specific barrage pics

I think this is a difficult age from personal experience.
I lived in a naice area with professional parents who thought they knew exactly what I was doing.
At 12 I was going to the library and reading several books a week, going swimming, getting excellent school reports, watching videos with friends, going out to museums and galleries with them too... but I was also drinking, smoking, shoplifting and experimenting with boys. I was in no way attention seeking and never got caught, just bored, easily led and lacking a moral compass at that point.
I would hope the booze and fags were harder to get hold of these days (I was a very tall 12 year old and the corner shop didn't ask for id) and it certainly wasn't all of my friends who did that kind of thing.
My parents were fine, maybe a bit distracted and to this day haven't a clue. I am responsible, clean living, professional with 3 kids- so not terribly affected by what I did, but I could have got myself in a lot of trouble. The only way I know how to prevent that with my kids is to keep a much closer eye on them.
By the way, my parents also gave me an allowance which I had to buy clothes from too-the ill fitting crap I bought and I didn't learn to budget until I was in my late teens! 12 is very young imho to be free ranging to such an extent. My friend's 12 yr old dd is going to a youth club thing next week, Granny's the week after, family holiday the week after that, odd day with friends being dropped off at cinema etc too. Is it really child minder or free range-nothing in between?

I think it's fine tbh

If I go out with my children ( much younger), I would happily spend x amount a day. Even a trip to local park/ woods is free but I would spend £10 ish on ice creams for us. We would also eat out a few days, but some drinks ( take own also but if out for day they run out), entrance fee to places.

I would happily give £35 for the week . It's only £5 a day which in our area buys just about an ice cream and a bottle of water. Tbh I would actually give more. I would rather they had opportunity to say skate twice a week and swim 3 days than just hang around watching TV.

As an alternative is there a way if buying an annual/ termly pass to some of the things she likes? Ie skating unlimited for next 6 weeks for x amount?

It may not be a case that she doesn't appreciate it, surely she's just trying it on/pushing the boundaries to see what she can get - they're all a bit selfish and self-obsessed at this age aren't they (and feel I have to add the caveat some of the time), feeling their way in the world of more independence?

Not remotely helpful but for such a small village you seem to have an awful lot of facilities, cinema /skating?

Wow suspicious much, very small village on outskirts of larger town/city with a few out of town complexes with McDonald's/skating/pool etc. They can walk to some of the complexes and catch a bus/train into town. Ok ?

Wow crazy money and crazy boundaries for a 12 year old. Unless you're going out checking on her you don't actually know where she is, you know where she says she is and probably is but that's it.
I live near a small village but I'm not deluded enough to think things can't and don't happen there too. I'm also sensible enough to know that as kids get older they want more freedom, what they're happy with at 12/13 will not be good enough at 13/14.
You don't want to address this but leaving a 12 year old to hang around all day unsupervised is ridiculous.

No moonshine they honestly aren't all like that.

There are some kids who truly appreciate what they get. I'm not saying for one second that those who don't are 'bad' kids or anything...just that it's not fair to tar them all with the same brush.

My DS2 went on a trip to the Houses of Parliment yesterday and insisted on giving me back £4 of the tenner spending money I gave him, because he was happy with the souvenir he bought for £6.

My DS1 and DS3 would have preferred to cut their own nuts off than bring a penny back unspent...even if they wasted it on total crap

Macnoodle no not suspicious nothing more than your posts didn't make much sense to me .You mentioned several times about the idyllic, safe, small village. It might have given a clearer picture and explained that at least some of the expenditure will be transport.

Just because you are a GP doesn't mean you don't know what your kids are up to.

I work in child protection and my own son had reached the stage of smoking weed (in our naice village) that ended up in him being sectioned due to mental health issues at 17 - members of his peer group were 13+. I have had consultants kids on CP plans.

You haven't got a clue where your daughter (12 - not Fraser competent) is all day, what she is doing and who she is doing it with, with plenty of funds to do so.

Take it from me, this will bite you on the arse - what you are doing is laissez faire parenting, chucking her money so she's out of the way so the 6 yo can do naice things. It won't end well.

£35 per week, on top of usual pocket money?

What happened to going to friends houses and watching films/making ones own entertainment?

I was 13 in 2002 but surely things can't have changed so much?

£35 for laughs isn't far off what I have per week as full time working adult.

I don't think it's a ridiculous amount of money, activities are expensive and OP can afford it. I also think DD is plenty old enough to be out with friends for the day.
mac, if she isn't appreciative of the cash, what do you think you could do to change her attitude? I think it's a little late for her to earn the money as an amount has already been agreed.

It is over £200 over the summer holidays though, which is quite a lot for the money a 12 year old has to spend as she chooses (especially when she can decide to go out with the rest of the family if she likes).

Um rhino if you work in child protection then you know full well that Fraser competence is not age dependant, and she is not that that has any relevance whatsoever. You may call it laissez fair I am happy with it, perhaps I would consider what you do helicopter parenting and the reason your child turned to drugs and was sectioned is because he was railing and desperately wanted freedom but that wouldnt be very nice would it. I wouldn't judge your parenting as a fault for what happened to your child don't judge mine.

I was out with friends all day every day during the summer holidays from 11 onwards. As was everyone else my age.

I am utterly puzzled by you all being so horrified

£35 includes her usual pocket money not on top of.

Is it because I am naice and worked hard to be successful, that's not really well looked on is it.