to think £25 is enough?

[macdoodle]

DD1 is almost 13, it appears that I am not going to see much of her these holidays. She doesnt want to spend much time with me and DD2 (6), and is happy spending the day out with her friends. And there are days I am in work and she doesnt want to go to the CM with DD2.
She gets £10 a week pocket money usually (for extras/going out, I pay for essentials and her phone). I have agreed to give her an extra £25/week in the holidays (so £35/week for entertainment). I would probably spend that if she was out with us. She goes skating once a week.
She doesnt think its enough but she is staying out all day, so buying lunch and chips or something before she comes home in the evening.
I have told her I am not prepared to pay for her to eat 2 meals out a day and she either has to come home to eat or take something with her, or budget her spending money.
I think I am being reasonable and generous? Am I? AIBU? She certainly thinks so!

Olbas she has usual "jobs" to do which earn her normal pocket money. She can do extra if she wants, but tends to get the extra off fiver from her father/grandfather.
I am well aware she can and may get up to trouble, she is no angel. But she is also not a bad girl (the report comment was to demonstrate that, homework in on time, good behaviour on the whole, excellent grades), I am almost certain there are no drugs/fags/alcohol going on.
For those with 12/13/14 yr olds what do they do all day in the holidays?

Ignoring the pocket money. I think £5 a day sounds about right.

Breakfast at home. Then something around 2-3ish then her other meal when she comes home.

But your eldest is making her own entertainment. Your youngest doesn't get a choice. Should I feel bad because I spent more on my 3 yr old than (then) one year old?
When my eldest finished with a childminder I couldn't be happier to have got rid of the expense. Not feel as if I should have had to give him the 'surplus' I guess its all relative though. If you think you can afford it why post?

Spoilt is an attitude. My kids get and do a lot of stuff / activities but they are grateful, know they are lucky, know the value of things and do not act spoiled. In fact they have a very strong understanding that having a strop is the fastest way to lose privileges and treats.

I would say that 1 activity such as cinema/bowling etc per week is normal with the crest ofvthectine doing free stuff (couple if £ for an ice cream needed that's all)

For example this week dh ( I've been working ) spent yesterday mooching round the house watching DVDs & playing board games with ds though they went to costa). Today they cycled to the park. Tomorrow they might play football in the garden. Maybe visit the library one dsy. All free stuff

He certainly won't be spending money each day on activities though dd is doing a dance week & in a few weeks ds is doing a football camp.

I was referring to xmas expenditure when comparing children. Oops.

Ok to clarify, I know where she is and with whom, small village, girls all friends. I have known them all since nursery. She rings to let me know, when she is going, and when they are the way back.
She is pretty grown up for her age and always been very independant. DD2 is different.
But this is the first summer I have let her be so free range, 2 days in no major issues. Today her best friend and her ate before they left, so didnt spend any money, so maybe she is grasping it.

Pictures, how old are your children?

You asked what those with 12 year olds do

When dd isn't dancing she goes on cycle rides, visits the library (she reads a lot) plays on her iPad especially composing music. Cycles down to the local reservoir & perhaps visits the cafe. Goes shopping maybe once a week.

That sort of thing.

But I like the post about attitude, its not so much the money/amount but her attitude towards it/appreciating how lucky she is that I can afford it.
It is a fairly affluent area, with most families more well off than I am (as I am a single good income family, and they are dual good income families) so wouldnt surprise me if the other girls were getting more.

Ds is 10 & dd is 12, almost 13.

Pictures, pretty much what mine does - except trampolining for dancing (though none for now), walking for cycling, barrage and mill for resorvoir etc. Except she wouldnt go to the library ;)
I dont think its the activities, she has got into the habit of getting a mcdonalds and then chippie or sandwhich on her way home, which is what we have been discussing when she said it wasnt enough. I said it was for activities, the odd mcdonalds, starbucks, but not 2 meals a day!

I don't think there's anything wrong with a 12-13 year old being out with their mates all day, and I am sure that the parent of the said child will be in a much better position to judge.

£35 is a decent whack - particularly if she can eat lunch at home first.

There's a lot of people working who couldn't afford to 'buy' lunch everday.

Definately enough.

She is being totally unreasonable. Dd is just 14 she gets 40 a month plus her mobile phone.

That is to pay for cinema etc, outside food and anything I don't count as essential.

The Naice 13yo's in the Naice village i youth work in spend it on booze, energy drinks, baccy and weed when they can get it. £10 is seen as a fortune.

In a lovely, picturesque seaside village with an active community focus and where everybody really does know everybody - my nan lived there for a while 60 years ago and is remembered.

These are children who are polite to their elders, read books as much as they play on consoles, are acheiving at school etc etc etc. Just so's you know

That's exactly what I said to dd today when she asked for McDonald's money for tomorrow (after already having pizza money today)

I told her that is love to buy my lunch every day from the yummy local cafe/sandwich shop but can't afford to. So I do it once a week & take a packed lunch the rest of the time.

She doesn't even like McDonald's!! But is addicted to the sugary fruit cooler type drinks.

I think it sounds fine. If you can afford it and your DD is good then I don't see the problem. The only worry I have would be that she has complained it's not enough. That is a bit bratty but not the end of the world if she is generally ok.

I think it's great that she is out and about enjoying herself.

ok so still not sure really if IABU or not (not I guess)
And really I know my child (I am also a GP so really hope I would recognise the signs of drug/alcohol) and am pretty sure she is not doing drugs/fags or alcohol. So far the worst was jumping in the barrage in her bra!

Love that some people immediately jump to the conclusion that you have no idea what she is up to! Isn't letting them organise their own time and be trusted to actually be without adults in the big bad world part of growing up or do people assume that they will skip to the local drug dealer ?

My dd has just finished year 8 and, since being at secondary school, I'm happy for her to my alone at home or with her friends whilst I'm at work. I prefer her to hang out at someone's home and not wander the streets, but they genuinely don't want to unless it's eating a picnic lunch in the local park for a while.

It sounds like a lot of money but probably equates to what we spend anyway when I'm at home - eg going to the cinema plus a burger lunch or snack + drink would easily cost more than a third of that alone. Luckily mine likes to play minecraft after getting up at midday and refusing to get dressed, so I rely on some those type of days to save some money!

I've been trying to restrict dds access to these flavoured water & sugar laden drinks too so was annoyed she spent loads of money on them

(Before you all think I'm really controlling she's been dancing loads so needs water not flavouring & sweeteners & has cystitus so I've sent her in with cartons of cranberry juice)

It is hard when they want to keep up with their friends but the amount the OP is giving her dd is way more than we would ever spend.

You said you offered to take her out on day trips etc with your youngest but she doesn't want to go. In effect she's rejecting those activities. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to fund alternative ones OP. If she wants to just hang out with her friends that's fine but that doesn't mean she needs a week packed with activities of her choice and takeaway food.

I'd expect at least a tenner of that to be 'properly' earned ie cleaning your car once a week, plus cutting grass/whole house vacuum/preparing a family meal/picnic. etc. And I'd suggest what we have always done- 'free days' and 'paid for days' so it doesn't all look like it comes as a matter of course.
But free range at 12 nearly 13 is great imo. Lovely for her. Lucky girl.

I think the drugs/alcohol/fags are a red herring here.

Being a GP certainly doesn't mean you could spot that your 12yr old shared a bottle of cider this afternoon in the park/smoked a joint etc...and having an excellent school report doesn't mean she can't also be doing those things.

However, any child who is left to their own devices could be doing those things on just £3 per week if they clubbed together with friends, so there's little point in people discussing that.

What I see here is a child who has little to no appreciation of the value of money, if she thinks she can't survive at the age of 12 on £35 per week plus mobile phone paid.

I don't know how you're going to deal with that OP, but you know your DD well enough to know how to nip it in the bud, before she becomes a very self entitled teen who thinks her Mum owes her a living.

I'm sure you'll think of a way.

My older dc receive a similar weekly amount. They do some light housework and look after younger ds when I need to go out in order to earn it.

I probably spend more on a weekly basis with ds 3 as he is too young to 'amuse himself' alone with his friends, swimming is £15 for us both, ditto a movie, also bowling.

Occasionally eldest ds will come to me having run out of money, but he is not entertained. Once it's gone, it's gone.

macdoodle if you have the money, and you know it's not being misappropriated, then fair game.