to think £25 is enough?

[macdoodle]

DD1 is almost 13, it appears that I am not going to see much of her these holidays. She doesnt want to spend much time with me and DD2 (6), and is happy spending the day out with her friends. And there are days I am in work and she doesnt want to go to the CM with DD2.
She gets £10 a week pocket money usually (for extras/going out, I pay for essentials and her phone). I have agreed to give her an extra £25/week in the holidays (so £35/week for entertainment). I would probably spend that if she was out with us. She goes skating once a week.
She doesnt think its enough but she is staying out all day, so buying lunch and chips or something before she comes home in the evening.
I have told her I am not prepared to pay for her to eat 2 meals out a day and she either has to come home to eat or take something with her, or budget her spending money.
I think I am being reasonable and generous? Am I? AIBU? She certainly thinks so!

It's only for the holidays and it teaches them responsibility for money. It's sad some people think it'll be spent on drink or worse. Snacks out, bus fares, 10 pin bowling...that's the stuff a 12 yo will spend money on.

Well I've just negotiated a fifty quid allowance and mobile phone contract (separate) for dd (16) and she has to cover fun toiletries etc. plus I've topped up fifty quid for the summer as well.
That is a lot of money to fritter. I'd be saying from ten til five is your time, after and before that you're home.

wow £35 per week is a huge amount.

all day every day is a lot of time to not know where she is

Gosh. I'm 41 and only have £20 per week to fritter away on nonessentials for me and DS. And I know I'm well off compared to some.

Are u doing her any favours in the long run giving her so much?

YANBU

Whoa, we live in a safe village area. I know exactly where she is going and with who. When did I say I didnt?
She rings me when she wakes up, I leave with DD2 8:30ish, so far she has woken up at 12, they have been going to a very safe park, skate, beach type area, and stayed there with friends all day, I ring when I finish work (5-6) and then she lets me know when they're on their way home. She is a very sensible, mature girl and I trust her. As sure as I can be there are no fags, drugs or alcohol involved.
But TBH the "free ranging" is not something I am interested in opinions on, its parenting decision, and based a lot on the child, the area and the kind of upbringing they have had. So this is right for me and my child (this one specifically as I cannot imagine DD2 wanting to do this).
So mixed opinion about the money. I can afford it (or I wouldnt do it) and would spend more on childcare/days out with us. I would like her to learn how to budget/manage money.

It would be interesting to look at cost of flat shares etc in your area and guesstimate bills and work out what she would have to be earning to have the same kind of spend. She might get a shock!

I'd do it on a day by day basis to be honest. Each night I'd want to know what her plans were for the following day, where she was going to be, who with etc and give her an appropriate amount of money for that day only. I'd be very uncomfortable tbh about a 12 year old girl roaming free and with so much money in her pocket.

Don't think there is anything wrong with doing her own thing, but wanting to eat out every day is unreasonable.

DS2 (nearly 15) gets £30 per month. He can earn extra for doing extra chores, but he will take a pack up with him when he goes out biking with his mates, the pack up might consist of a chocolate spread sarnie and some crisps but nonetheless he has three choices... Go hungry, come home or take something with him.

That's what I thought Janethegirl but I was wrong in my DD's case.

£35/week is an enormous (and disproportionate) amount of money for a 12 year old to be responsible for imo.

If she's not getting up until midday, what does she do all night?

And I wouldn't send a 12 year old to the childminders.

That is a lot of money. My 17 year old DS doesn't get that much and he has to fund lunch and petrol out of his allowance.

Interesting to me that those who think its too much, were very quick to assume I didnt know where she was or have any control, and judge me a bad parent and her a bad child. Very far from the truth in fact.
She is a good girl, with an excellent school report, very responsible and sensible. They will be going to village area/beach/park/friends house/occasionally mcdonalds/bowling/cinema, skating is expensive even with her own skates costing almost a tenner.
We have a good relationship, she rings when asked to and comes home when told to. It is my decision that there is no need for her to be bored and trapped in the house all day? What purpose will that serve??

So its £5/ week day plus her usual pocket money.

It rather depends what activities cost and what her circle of friends budget is, if they usually all hang out together and she's being excluded.

If they generally do some activity/ pay for thing each day the £25 probably wont cover it. Whats the cinema these days £7ish?

If there are lots of skate park type things and its just money for extras like snacks because she hasn't bothered taking them from home then its lots.

Well so far this week, she hasnt had it all at once. And I have known exactly where she is going and with whom.
The original £10 goes into her bank card, I gave her £5 yesterday and today. Tonight she is sleeping at her best friends house, I have given her £10 for the next few days and told her that there will only be another £5 now, so if she wants to go skating she will need to budget.
So would it be acceptable to spend this amount if she was forced to spend the days with me and DD2, or at the CM (more than that per day)?

The thing is, she's displaying spoilt behaviour already if she feels that a massive allowance like that isn't enough...especially when you're paying for her phone on top of all that too.

I'm not saying she shouldn't go bowling/cinema etc with her friends but I would expect my kids to come to me and ask if I mind giving them the money to do that now and then.

Of course I do give them the money to do that (not every single day) and they thoroughly appreciate it.

I can understand why your DD doesn't though, if it's not seen as anything special.

Dunno if it's just my 12-13yo, but I would be worried about a child that age losing the money? Maybe leave her a bit each morning rather than the whole lot at once? But that's not much use if you're trying to teach her responsibility/budgeting I guess. It's a tricky age for holidays I think, don't think it is wrong of you at all to let her spend the time with pals if you know she is sensible enough.

I am sorry if you think I am judging you. I was sharing MY experience with MY daughter. I thought I knew what she was up to and I didn't. You do know. I found out (many years later I hasten to add) what she got up to. Many of her friends where not as well funded as she was so she was subbing them too.

If you trust her, if you can afford it then go for it. You don't need strangers on the internet to give you permission but this is AIBU.

It's too much. She's not getting up until lunch time. She can eat at home, and then she needs a couple of quid, if that for a drink and maybe a snack.
twenty quid would be my upper limit and she could either graciously accept it, or go without.

Not sure what bearing an excellent school report has on a child's likelihood to misbehave. I also think that parents who think their child is so good they would never get up to any mischief are asking for trouble!

Ds1, nearly 15 gets £50 per month. He can earn more on top of that if he needs it. He's been "free range" for a good two years. If she needs extra money macdoodle could she do some household jobs for you? Or don't you operate like that in your family.

Such mixed opinions. So what would be a reasonable amount of activities, cinema and skating, just skating, mcdonalds?
For example this week, DD2 and I have had a pub meal out, we are going swimming and to mcdonalds tomorrow, to an outdoors play area with friends on friday (either lunch or picnic). We may go to the cinema on the weekend. the rest will be park/splashparks etc.
So does DD1 get less activities because she doesnt want to do what a 6yr old does? That seems unfair to me??
I guess she probably is a bit spoilt.

macdoodle it seems she's responsible and can be trusted. I think what you're doing is fine (not that you should give a stuff what people think). It very much depends on the dc, the area, the friends and the opportunities in the area. Childcare would cost more than £30 per day, so it is cost effective and teaching your dd responsibility, a total win-win situation.

if you re-read your op, it says:

it appears that I am not going to see much of her these holidays. spending the day out with her friends.

she is staying out all day, so buying lunch and chips or something before she comes home in the evening.

It sounds as if you have no idea where she is, that she is just off out.
That was what people reacted too.

Personally I would not be equating the money to the cost of the cm. I would be equating it to the activities.
skating/bowling 2 times per week (more than most kids get, so generous)
chips once per day, take your own packed lunch/bottle of water if you want lunch out too.

or whatever.
I think it is too much, because at this age I would want her to have to seriously think about what she spends it on, and not just have a bottomless pit in her pocket. She needs to choose what she does in order to value spending it, rather than having enough for everything.
I would also want to know what her friends had, as I bet they don't have that much.

Does she have to do something every day?

See I have boys, maybe it is different with girls. I have one that never leaves the house and Ds2 (15) is out with his friends and they are on their bikes down at the bike jumps they have made for themselves (farmer has given them a bit if land to use providing they maintain it themselves. To be fair he did go into town today and is swimming tomorrow but this is unusual.