to think £25 is enough?

[macdoodle]

DD1 is almost 13, it appears that I am not going to see much of her these holidays. She doesnt want to spend much time with me and DD2 (6), and is happy spending the day out with her friends. And there are days I am in work and she doesnt want to go to the CM with DD2.
She gets £10 a week pocket money usually (for extras/going out, I pay for essentials and her phone). I have agreed to give her an extra £25/week in the holidays (so £35/week for entertainment). I would probably spend that if she was out with us. She goes skating once a week.
She doesnt think its enough but she is staying out all day, so buying lunch and chips or something before she comes home in the evening.
I have told her I am not prepared to pay for her to eat 2 meals out a day and she either has to come home to eat or take something with her, or budget her spending money.
I think I am being reasonable and generous? Am I? AIBU? She certainly thinks so!

Yes I agree, I suppose I had passed judgement to an extent, as the op thinks being and HCP means you pick up issues immediately - not true!!!

I shared my experience, although not mentioning my parenting style- which was assumed, to illustrate that your professional capacity does not make you the perfect parent who notices every nuance of your child's issues.

The same as chucking money at your kids is not a replacement for proper age appropriate care.

I was completely 'free range' at your DD's age but with a much tighter budget. Tbh that was a good thing - most getting into mischief opportunities cost money. I also can't believe that 6 pages in no-one has reminded you that telling parents you need food money is a well-known ruse for getting, well, money which you don't intend spending on food.

So to answer your question - yes, I think it's too much. I think it would be better if she had to ask you for money for specific activities, eg 'we're going skating tomorrow, can I have x?' I don't think her holiday money is really the way to teach budgeting. You need to be mo in control. And remember hanging out with your mates is free!

I think they sounds like the right amount op. Doing stuff isn't cheap and this is her time off.
She can take a packed lunch if she thinks she doesn't have enough for food. I'm confused why people think that's loads. It's only 5 pounds a day. That's bus fare, a drink and some food and it's gone! And she may want to buy little bits in town and that gives her enough.

Yy, its. Icecreams round my way cost £2+ for example.

I think the amount sounds about right. I'd be happy to give DD a fiver a day, and I'd be prepared for her to spend it. I'd push the "have a big breakfast before you go out" so that she have a semblance of budgeting, and I'd probably give her a tenner every other day rather than all at once or daily - that way she can plan her days out a bit.

It's what I'm doing (kinda) with 9 yr old DD these hols. We have a 'doing something' day (go ape/picnic/swimming/safari park/library) and a 'quiet' day (playing with friends/shopping/loom bands) alternately.

Seems perfectly reasonable to me, and pretty much what my (then) 12/13 year olds had too. Sounds like you have a lovely DD. I'm amazed at how many automatically jump to the drugs/booze/cigs conclusion. One of mine smokes, 3 have never gone past a first drag. Not all teenagers are bad you know.

From the age of 11 I met with friends during the holidays. Dm worked ft and I was too old for a child minder.

My dm left money but I had to tell her what I had planned each day and how much I needed. I called my mum when leaving out and the minute I returned home (no mobiles).

Some days I visited friends, stayed home and watched videos, went to the fairground or cinema.

My daughter has been 'free range' from around same age as yours, if not a bit younger, she's now 14.5. I agree that expecting a 12yr old and a 6yr old to do the same thing is ridiculous...I think you've had a bit of a hard time on here about something you never asked for opinions on OP!

My 14.5 yr old gets £15 a week plus phone/toiletries etc paid for...and I know she also gets spends from her Dad when she stays with him. How much they get is all relative to income I think. It sounds like your daughter has little appreciation of the value of money - that's not a criticism, I think many teens are like that - so I wouldn't give her any more just because she asks for it.

35 a week is too much . I would go more for 20 a week . that's still double what she would usually have !
maybe she needs to learn the concept of money and it's value . If she wants more money, she could get a paper round or do chores

OP, can you come at this the other way round? What do you want her to be able to do each week and what would that cost?

I was constantly put with people at that age, we used to hang out in the park a lot, wander round the shopping centre, generally just hang out. I did smoke from about 12, but in term time I used my bus money and walked to school so that wasn't a lack of supervision thing really.

S88, she's not usually on holiday keeping herself entertained all afternoon though.

That's a lot of money, more than my 16 year old gets. It's also way more time away from the family than we have here. For example, mine went to see a film with friends the other day, she paid from her monthly allowance of 45. Tomorrow she's going to a friends house, today we will have a family day out and the same on two other days this week.
In the evenings we tend to have three nights a week as a family, we always have dinner together and it falls into place naturally.
She spends a fair bit of time in her room doing her own thing but I'd expect that, I wouldn't expect her to be out all day every day.
When I was a teenager I had to be out of the house all day from when my parents went to work and wasn't allowed to go home until they were back from work, consequently it was never a home for me so I like to let my teen be here whenever she chooses, which thankfully is often, but also to get the balance right between time at home and time with friends.

If she was going to the childminder how much would you be paying?

Yep ice creams £2-3 here. Water £1.50 ( if not supermarket). So from say park ice cream shop £3.50-4.50 just gets the above. Meaning skating would be a tight budget. Cinema £9.50-18 here depending on time/ location and if in 3d. Portion of chips £5. Entrance to paying part of museum £9.50.
Hence £35 seems fine for a week. That's one skate, one other ie cinema/ museum, plus odd ice cream/ snack/ drink ( but wouldn't be enough for daily)

Sure she could stay at home, but if friends all out surely she will be alone and bored? Even the above would include staying at home a few days

If she wants to earn more than £35 and if you can afford, maybe have tick sheet for chores she can do in return so it's not just given.
Ie

Hoover whole house - £3
Load of washing, sorted correctly, washed and dried -£3
Bathroom cleaned - £4
General house tidy -£2
Clean and wash car -£4

Etc. then if you come home and she says/ you see she has hoovered ( and done properly), you can add £3 or whatever

DC want more freedom and more money as they get older so personally I would not be allowing anything that could be seen as the thin end of the wedge.

Read the 'teenagers' section on here and you might be shocked at some of the things loving and concerned parents are dealing with. Often it is apparent that behaviours began years ago and are now difficult to stop.

In your case I would worry that in a few years I'd be posting 'my DD won't spend any time with the family' or 'my 16yo goes out all day and I have no idea where she is, she used to phone me' or 'my 15yo is always asking for money'.

If you want a teen who values money, make her work for it.

If you want a teen who values the company of her family, then some days out are non-negotiable and build shared experiences. Of course there are things a 12yo and 6yo can enjoy, particularly if the 12yo can bring a friend for company.

I agree that independence and free ranging is good for children but all day, every day, feels like too much and, once given, will be very hard to pull back from in the future.

I teach secondary and good grades at 12 mean nothing.

Artandco- wow- where do you live??????

But I do find some of the comments a bit odd. If I have money, I share it with my children- if I don't, I don't. Why would you deliberately not give them money to spend if you have it to spare?

completely agree with aducalione, think about the teenager you want your dd to be within 5 years and start working towards that now.

Blimey, folks.

Op's dd is angling for an extra couple of quid for chips, not the down payment on a still.

Art she does all of those as "usual chores" for her normal pocket money.
She is not chucked out the house she can and does spend as much time here as she wants to. She has a key and I only work part time so am around at least 3 days, I only work 2 full days.
I have always taught her to be independent and this is part of it, learning how to plan and be responsible and budget sensibly. She is the sensible one on her group, who will sort out problems and check times etc.
I trust her and have no intention of being suspicious or controlling unless given good reason.
Maybe overcompensating for my own controlling aggressive and mean father, and her own useless father. So far works for us, thanks for the comments about the money, am taking it on board and will sit down with her and discuss it, ie what she wants to do and give it to her every other day rather than all at once.

On the strength of this thread I'm going to bung ds and extra fiver- I think I've been a bit mean.

-and flags and vodka don't come cheap

£35 per week is a lot of money but surely there are other activities she can do for free/cheaper and she doesn't have to get chips everyday.

DD just had our two weeks holiday here (NZ) and she didn't get any top ups apart from $20 from her nana, she gets $20 (about £10) per week to pay for trips out/cloths etc. DD went shopping once with friends and the cinema once and the rest of the time she went to the park, for a run, dvds etc. She still managed to find things to do even though it's the middle of winter.

Though I see nothing wrong with letting your DD do what she wants as you trust her. (DD was about that age)

DD has just turned 15 btw

I never ever had money as a child, my father was hideously mean, I could never do things with my friendsuntil iwas old enough to get a job at 15.
Sure it taught me iindependance but it was miserable and I never want my children to feel like that. I trained and work hard to give them what I didn't have.
Just need to get a balance I guess.