to think £25 is enough?

[macdoodle]

DD1 is almost 13, it appears that I am not going to see much of her these holidays. She doesnt want to spend much time with me and DD2 (6), and is happy spending the day out with her friends. And there are days I am in work and she doesnt want to go to the CM with DD2.
She gets £10 a week pocket money usually (for extras/going out, I pay for essentials and her phone). I have agreed to give her an extra £25/week in the holidays (so £35/week for entertainment). I would probably spend that if she was out with us. She goes skating once a week.
She doesnt think its enough but she is staying out all day, so buying lunch and chips or something before she comes home in the evening.
I have told her I am not prepared to pay for her to eat 2 meals out a day and she either has to come home to eat or take something with her, or budget her spending money.
I think I am being reasonable and generous? Am I? AIBU? She certainly thinks so!

To be honest Mac I don't think you are being overly generous. Your DD would have to budget to manage on £5 a day. I used to give that to my 3 6-10 years ago and we literally lived opposite the beach. I used to pay for entries to cinema/ skating / bowling as well. In this heat they need to drink and I always wanted mine to have money for emergencies! I also live in a small village within walking distance of a larger town with amenities. Again they did a lot of water sports which were free but what is wrong with building those lovely memories of eating chips with your friends discussing the day. This summer will only last a few weeks so I would let her enjoy it. This weekend my three will all head to the beach to hang out with the same friends, who are now all at uni, and I expect sometime during the day they will end up eating slightly sandy chips!

Actually, having thought about it, I quite like the way you're going about it. Instead of agreeing to pay for each cinema/skating trip, you are teaching her to budget and manage her own money. As long as you stand firm and when it's gone, it's gone - I don't see how it can be wrong. If money is not an issue and you'd otherwise spend money on her if you were going as a family, it seems fair.

The only thing is that she's still quite young, so I'd encourage her to spend some time with you as a family. She should still want to be with you and her sister. I'm sure you can think of activities that they'd both enjoy.

fluffysheep my cousin is 13 and has just landed her first summer job and they are crying out for staff!!

At this time of year there are plenty of jobs around for youngsters and it isn't actually a million years ago since I was 12!

It does them no harm to do a couple of hours here an there. I was working on my grandads farm from the age of 7 milking cows!!

Where are these mythical jobs for 13 years old? My DD got her first job last year when she turned 16, prior to that she had been trying everywhere and told she'd get nowhere without her NI number. Little cafe jobs for 13 and 14 year olds are thin on the ground and there are loads of insurance hoops to jump through if you employ anyone under age 16, they can't be left on the premises alone AT ALL which means employing extra staff to cover this.

OP,I would insist on all going out as a family now and again regardless of whether she wants to or not. You don't get to opt out of family life as I always tell my ds!

I think its fine for her to pretty much do her own thing, within agreed boundaries.

The budget is very very generous and I would be encouraging her to seek out the free stuff and stuff laid on (round here: games in the parks/£1 for swimming before lunch/free watersports and street dance tasters and that is scratching surface) as well as just hanging out round your mates houses and gardens/parks etc, rather than expecting to skate and go to the cinema every day.

And I'd probably be docking a fiver off the first week's money for arsey and ungrateful behaviour.

It completely depends on where you live as to whether they're are summer jobs around for younger teens.

Roundedbuttock - what type of work/employer has your cousin got a job with? and which area of the country are you in?

I can assure you that here are not plenty of jobs for anybody regardless of age where I like.

You were working on your grandad's farm - so effectively you were doing jobs for relatives - most young people don't have that opportunity and most don't live in the countryside with queue of busy farmers lining up to take them on.

Add into to that complicated, costly or negligable public transport and working parents who aren't there to ferry them about so they can do a couple of hours work and it starts to become impossible.

My two would happily do a job and earn cash and I'd happily let them rather than me paying for them to be occupied but there is honestly no way that can be achieved.

For these people that seem to think it's normal to go to the cinema very regularly, don't your cinemas do monthly passes ? You used to be able to get one for just under the price of 3 tickets round here, and then go as often as you like for a month.

There are very few jobs that under 13 yr olds can legally do. And unless you live in a very touristy area very few places that will take on under 16s too as with the council licences & restrictions on hours it's not worth it.

There are no jobs for young teens round here either.

We live in a holiday/seaside area, so there are a lot of seasonal/holiday jobs around, but they are all for 16+

Our local pool it costs 4.50 to swim. I do grudge it. I drove them yesterday afternoon to a neighbouring town where it is free but obviously cost me my petrol and time. There is a train but no direct bus to the station - it's 2.20 on the bus and they would need two - it's then 3.80 on the train unless they travel with me and then they go free!

It was 1.20 for a drink from the machine at the pool and 0.70 for a bag of crisps. So swimming isn't a cheap option. If they go to the local pool or cinema again it's two buses - or one and a huge walk and it's around 8-10 for a ticket for the cinema.

There are very few safe routes to cycle anywhere.

Our cinema doesn't do a monthy pass. They do Kids am movies that are reasonably priced but the movies are far too young for a teen and are usually at 10am.

It was 1.20 for a drink from the machine at the pool and 0.70 for a bag of crisps. So swimming isn't a cheap option.

And statements like this make me think 'thanks god some parents are trying to teach their DC to budget and make sensible choices'. There is no need to buy from a pool vending machine! Take a bloody bottle of tap water or squash with you, or even a can from a multipack if you must have a can. Crisps from a multipack are no where near 70p and I doubt they would have died of hunger without the crisps.

My two haven't ben to the cinema at all over the holidays as there really hasn't been much suitable on or that they would be interested in seeing - the young teen market really isn't catered well for...especially boys. My two are very tall so the park tends to not be an option as they get glared at by parents of smaller children - they aren't interested in shopping, we have no beach, it's actually no wonder that they want to spend their time on gaming consoles.

There are loads of things to do where we live, but they all cost and all need to be gotten to.

Vending machines should be banned imo! They've even got them at ds's school ffs !

I live in North Yorkshire and there are plenty of seasonal jobs for youngsters.

And I wa never 'ferried about' by my parents, I walked 4 miles to work an 4 miles back. If I was running a but late I would walk to the bus stop or catch the train.

whois - yes I agree, but it is meant to be a treat out - most of the fun (in their eyes) of going swimming is getting a treat from the vending machine. It is very hot (for us) at the moment and having a drink was a bit of a priority and it's a half hour car journey.

The object of the trip was to get them out and some exercise. If they were getting tap water and a bag of crisps from the cupboard then they would have made the point that they didn't need to leave the house!

"And I'd probably be docking a fiver off the first week's money for arsey and ungrateful behaviour."

Harsh, Mary. Has the DD said anything worse than a "muuuum, can I have an extra fiver so I can get chips and a magazine?"

My DS1 used to have the cineworld pass, he got it one year as his Christmas present. It is good but works best if you have a friend who also has it otherwise it can be quite hard to find a friend to go with. I think it worked out he had to 36 times in a year to break even which is quite a lot especially when you include term time when their clubs are on.
I look on the school holiday money thing as a temporary set up. The OP 's DD is getting 150 extra over the 6 weeks for all her days out. Obviously that isn't peanuts but round here a week at drama or circus school that is geared up for 11-14 year olds school costs 90.
The other issue some people will always take bottles of drink and sandwiches out with them young or old and others don't so people are going to disagree on that.

It really frustrates me that swimming and some other sports are so expensive for children.
I used to live in Canada where our local heated outdoor pool was completely free,you didn't even have to show identification. They even had free swimming lessons every morning although you did have to act quickly to get a place on them.

username many young people wouldn't take opportunities to work if it hit them in the face!!

I've just googled working hours for teenagers in the UK,25 hours a week during school holidays!

Another one baffled by the "get a paper round" suggestion - the ratio of teenagers to numbers of paper rounds still existing must be insanely high.