to think £25 is enough?

[macdoodle]

DD1 is almost 13, it appears that I am not going to see much of her these holidays. She doesnt want to spend much time with me and DD2 (6), and is happy spending the day out with her friends. And there are days I am in work and she doesnt want to go to the CM with DD2.
She gets £10 a week pocket money usually (for extras/going out, I pay for essentials and her phone). I have agreed to give her an extra £25/week in the holidays (so £35/week for entertainment). I would probably spend that if she was out with us. She goes skating once a week.
She doesnt think its enough but she is staying out all day, so buying lunch and chips or something before she comes home in the evening.
I have told her I am not prepared to pay for her to eat 2 meals out a day and she either has to come home to eat or take something with her, or budget her spending money.
I think I am being reasonable and generous? Am I? AIBU? She certainly thinks so!

"Hak, you really don't know my mother. That statement was completely appropriate. Who are you to tell me how I should feel about my mother and her 'parenting'?"

Of course you can feel however you like. The implication that other parents on here are the same is the offensive bit.

You see I know that if dd had access to that sort of money dd would spend it on junk food, flavoured waters/costa coffees & junk make up (of which she already has plenty.

All if which is ok occasionally, maybeonce a week but not every day.

Personally I'd say she was allowed 25 a week, but only give her how much she needs each day - so 10 one day if doing something big, 2 another if only going to the beach with drinks and snacks etc, that way she does learn to budget - if she wants 10 for 4 days then she can't go anywhere the other 3 - but she won't be as tempted just to spend because she's got it iyswim. Also a bit dangerous for a girl her age to be walking about with that much on her.

I think the compromise you've outlined in your OP is perfectly reasonable.

I also think it's good that she's out and about with friends, rather than plonked on her bed staring at a tablet/console 24/7.

I always give my DC money when they play/hang out. It's a horrible feeling walking around without any money in your pocket. Last week DS2 went out locally with friends for 4 days and I gave him 18 in total. This week he went on a big trip yesterday that cost 30 and will just get about 6 more this week. Until the end of last year my DC always wanted to do stuff with DH and I. Then they both fairly suddenly just wanted to do things with their friends. The money and freedom thing has been a learning curve. As a parent you just have to hope you are making the right choices and encouraging your DC to do the same.

Jesus christ my DD is 15 and she gets £40 a month spending money. We also live in an affluent area (london) and this is what most of her friends get as well. Your 12 year old is getting £100 more a month than what I'd say most 14/15 year olds get. And generally older kids tend to do more expensive activities. It's far too much.

If she's not getting up until 12 she can have lunch at home, if she comes home at 5/6 then dinner can also be had at home. You said she spends most days at the park so max £2-3 for a drink and snack when she's there but probably not even that.

To give you an idea when my DD was that ages she got £20 a month and that was it, even in the holidays. Not everything costs money, there are tons of things she can do that are free like going round to friends houses, them she wouldn't even need money for food.

You're teaching her nothing about money management by handing everything to her when she asks for it. She sounds very spoilt.

£35 a week! That is is ridiculous amount in my opinion! What is she doing that's a fiver a day, everyday.

I'd be questioning what she's doing every day that causes her to spend so much. I get that she possibly buys a few drinks and lunch out, I'd possibly say that I'd buy a bit of extra shopping so she can take a drink out with her... Or suggest she invites a friend over instead of being out.

But I'd be more inclined to teach her to budget. She's old enough. We have a family rule. Pocket money is earned, not given out regardless. That's just our rule though. Want your money? Earn it. That'd keep her busy a couple of days each week too so her money would go further.

Good luck with negotiations!

I don't think 5 a day is a vast amount. She is too old to go a childminder and doesn't want to sit home on her own so needs spending money. I wouldn't really want my DC having both their dinner and lunch out unless it was part of a big day out or unavoidable etc but other than that I can't see how she could spend much less. The childminder would cost way more than the additional 25.

I think ds probably has about the same amount of money during the holidays, cinema, into town, lunch out, ice cream at the park etc. a fiver a day doesn't go far these days tbh.

I need to know where he is at all times, he must take his phone and I need a rough plan of the day's events and who he'll be with. I also like to do random spot checks every now and again

£5 a day is a lot? Obviously you lot have never paid for a summer holiday club then.

I think it's about the right amount. I watched a lot of TV in the school holidays though and only saw friends a few times. Maybe she could think of a few activities that are free as well. Or get a paper round for a top up of cash.

I give my just turned 15 15 year old £5 a week pocket money normally and in holidays normally give an extra £1 a day paid into her account so she can do something extra things we do pay her phone already and she has birthday money and ability to choose to get a paper round or something. I'm happy for her to go out with friends or have people here and she/ they can either eat her or take pack ups etc like the rest of us d.

Op you are being almost too reasonable, does she have to do anything for this extra money you're giving her. In our family if you're out with us you get Paid for if you're out on your own you budget your cash or find a way to earn extra.

5 a day is only a couple of pounds more a day than a school dinner costs during the term time.

Chicken-you beat me to it,I was just about to post the same!

Wow seems I'm in minority and people give their teens much more than we do. Although seemingly she's the only one of her friends who gets extra in hols.
What wrong with hanging out at park, going for a swim for a £ or a bike ride or at each others homes, charity shopping if heading to town etc

Dame great minds and all that!

I am also guessing the OP is in Scotland pretty sure I know which park etc and ime, things are generally more expensive (london excepted) than they are across the border.

Dds school dinners cost less than that!

What less than 2 to 3 quid a day? You are lucky, they are 2.40 a day here.

I also don't know where all these paid jobs that a 12 year olds can do are and paper-rounds are virtually non existent now. There is one shop in a 3 mile radius of our house that still delivers papers - there is one round that they do but it is scattered over such a wide area that they do it themsleves by van. Other than knocking doors looking for odd jobs, there isn't really a lot that they can do to earn cash outside of the home.

£2.20 here for school dinners.

She goes to a private school so lunch is included. Evening meal is. £1

But even if lunch us £2.50 ( that's for 3 courses) that's ££12.50 per week

£5 per day is £25 per week over 5 days. Double the cost

This is the first time your DD has had this freedom in the holidays. I don't think she is spoilt to have not realised how expensive it would be to eat out all them time. She is 12 years old and has probably never had to budget in this way before.

And now you have said no extra money and told she will have to budget she has eaten with a friend before they went out to save money. She is learning important new skills. Good for her.

Did you read my post?

I find mumsnet in general quite strange in the reactions to how children of different ages should be treated. Most people seem up in arms about this, yet when I read threads about 16 year olds, the consensus seems to be that they are fine to be left whilst parents go away for a weeks holiday, and basically people seem to think they don't need to be parented any more (which I totally disagree with, and think a lot of the threads on the teenage section stem from this attitude). The ops dd is only 3 years away from this, so I just find the responses odd.

And as for get a job - where on earth is a 12 year old going to find a job? Times are a lot different now, and just because some of you may have found a job at that age doesn't mean you can now. Minimum age for a paper round is 13. A lot of places won't take anyone on til they're 16.5 now, as my ds found out when he turned 16 in nov. He has just got a job, and his sister has been extremely fortunate to get one at the same place at 15. (16 in November), but they told her she is the first 15 year old they have ever employed.