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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

513 replies

HattyMonkey · 21/07/2014 22:48

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

OP posts:
Xihha · 22/07/2014 00:18

I can't see why the woman cared, I can't imagine any child being traumatised by hearing that, its not like you were waving your sanpro in the child's face or going into great detail.

DD(5) and DS(10) have never seen me change my sanpro nor have they ever seen me go to the loo (we live in a town with lots of family toilets so they've never needed to come into the cubicle with me.) but I wouldn't be bothered if they overheard someone talking about it, they've seen me buying sanpro/seen the box in the bathroom and know what its for.

differentnameforthis · 22/07/2014 00:18

Bearbehind

WHY would you hide what happens, quite naturally, to your body? My dd's know I bleed, they know why. Why should I hide a part of me that meant I could bring them into this world?

I am not ashamed of bleeding
I am not ashamed that they see it
I have nothing to hide at all

GoshAnneGorilla · 22/07/2014 00:18

What Dame said. I always used to get Dd to turn the other way too, it's important to teach your children about privacy.

MyFairyKing · 22/07/2014 00:19

Hatty sorry if I was unclear, it was another poster who said that, not you. Not saying you're not a great parent though, of course! :)

Original poster
HattyMonkey · 22/07/2014 00:23

GoshAnneGorilla both my dd's know plenty about privacy and where it is ok and not ok to be undressed and not. I do not include myself on the list or I could never bath them, which (shock) we sometimes share.

OP posts:
Original poster
HattyMonkey · 22/07/2014 00:25

MyFairy thanks.

OP posts:
5madthings · 22/07/2014 00:26

Yep the madthings know about privacy and will knock etc and ask for privacy at times. There will be times when I ask them for privacy as well but I am often not bothered and so if they want to come and chat to me when I am in the bath that us fine and the little ones still bath and shower with me or each other.

Different families do things differently, my sister values her privacy much more than I do, horses for courses, do what suits.

Original poster
HattyMonkey · 22/07/2014 00:27

Gosh I would say it is more important to teach children about their bodies and which parts are private. Than not explain what the body does.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 22/07/2014 00:27

Op you are very entitled to take your pre school child in tge cubicle with you! Ignore some of the silly people on here!

PhaedraIsMyName · 22/07/2014 00:27

Managed to potty train dd without demonstrating how to do a poo. Maybe my dd is a super-marvelous-genius or something but she was aware of how to poo without watching me do it as she had been pooing all her life as we all do. The only thing was learning to do it in a potty and not in her nappy. Why would she suddenly need to watch somebody else do a poo to understand that it's normal to poo

That suggestion puzzled me too. Possibly his nanny was an even greater treasure than we thought.

Original poster
HattyMonkey · 22/07/2014 00:30

Or maybe a poo is a natural thing that your dc has been doing in his nappy since he was born so not a shock. A period though is different if you don't know and you bleed a big shock!

OP posts:
JudysPriest · 22/07/2014 00:53

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differentnameforthis · 22/07/2014 01:56

Really- where do you draw the line

It's blood.

The same blood that I soaked up for dd last night when her tooth fell out.

The same kind of blood I have wiped from her cut lip/scraped knee.

The same blood that she saw on her baby (or not so baby now) sister 6yrs ago!

It is normal. Natural. She is now 10 & knows the facts of life & has done so since she was 7 (age suitable) and isn't scared to ask anything, because we are quite open. Yes, she knows how babies are made. Because she asked, I told her & bought a book that she can read herself that explains it all.

I will not hide from her how her body works, just because some precious men/women/boys can not handle that women's bodies are not about having sex & copping a feel, that they have a perfectly natural function.

It is responsible parenting. I would hazard a guess that not ONE mother here & called her dc over & said "look at this blood stained towel" they have answered a barrage lot of questions when the situation demanded it.

LucyBabs · 22/07/2014 02:00

As pps have said I am more offended by the word Sanpro [shudder] Tampon or sanitary towel PLEASE Grin

GodDamnBatman · 22/07/2014 02:04

S'ok. My mom was on the rag and I heard a symptom of cancer was blood in your urine. I ran up to my mom panicking in tears shouting "You have cancer!". Her friends looked alarmed and she looked confused. Told me she didn't before I shouted "But there's blood in your urine!!". That was an interesting day. Grin

VeryStressedMum · 22/07/2014 02:55

All my 3 dcs have been in the toilet with me when I changed sanpro, 2 dds and a ds. When they were small they came into the toilet, it was unlocked, you can't keep them out. Of course they are going to see it and there isn't anything to be embarrassed about, it bloody nature!

differentnameforthis · 22/07/2014 04:48

Let them have a bit if innocence about things fgs!

I can tell you now that I was FAR more traumatised seeing my parents having sex at 8 (walked up the stairs & their door was wide open & opposite the top of stairs) than I was by seeing my mum changing her towels during her period.

It is responsible parenting. Just to clarify, I don't think either way is more responsible...I meant that is it responsible parenting to let them know, age appropriately, the answers to their questions should they arise, not that it was irresponsible. if you didn't show them you changing your sanpro!

OwlCapone · 22/07/2014 05:21

There is some utterly ridiculous frothing on this thread.

OP, you did nothing wrong.

Oh, and sanpro sanpro sanpro. Sheesh, get over yourselves. "The most disgusting thing about this thread" Hilarious. On a site where swearing is encouraged, it's amazing.

shouldnthavesaid · 22/07/2014 05:27

I remember my mum changing her pad/tampon. She didn't know what periods were until she started, and didn't know what sex was until she was about 22 - unfortunately, she was repeatedly abused and raped and didn't realise what had happened.

As such she has always been very honest and open with me. When I started my period at 12, in McDonalds no less, I wasn't at all upset. Thanks to her openness when I've needed help with intimate care (due to health issues) she's been very much able to do so, and it hasn't been the big deal it could have been iyswim.

ICanHearYou · 22/07/2014 05:52

yes, Cunt is fine.

Fuck, shit, buggery, wanker etc etc

but 'sanpro' is firstly NOT a word and secondly sounds like it belongs on aisle 4 of 'Walmart' not on a bloody British website.

Its a horribly Americanized word and I refuse to believe it has anything to do with me or my monthlies.

weyayechickenpie · 22/07/2014 05:52

My god shock horror at your kids seeing your period. You should all be ashamed and keep it as a nice suprise for when they get older.
My dd is 3 and calls my tampon a mouse and went to great lenghs to tell her grandma where the mouse goes. Kids are curious about the human body I would never make my daughter feel any shame over seeing me or asking questions.

OwlCapone · 22/07/2014 06:14

I refuse to believe it has anything to do with me or my monthlies.

By "monthies" do you mean periods? Are you living in the 1940s?

ICanHearYou · 22/07/2014 06:15

You're going for a 24hr + humour bypass there Owl, its only 6am why don't you have a cup of tea?

OwlCapone · 22/07/2014 06:18
Hmm

You are the one frothing about a word. I was simply pointing out the amusement in your using a twee little euphemism for periods whilst whinging about a twee little abbreviation of the phrase "sanitary protection"

ICanHearYou · 22/07/2014 06:23

Sanpro isn't 'twee'

it is horribly Americanised and medical. As someone on a different thread pointed out, it sounds like some sort of floor cleaner!

I am not 'frothing' by any stretch of the imagination. I think you might be taking this whole conversation a lot more seriously than it was ever intended.

My original comment was

'The most disgusting thing on this thread is the horrid use of the word sanpro'

or something to that effect, because the amount of alarmist behaviour and language directed at people who do/do not use the toilet with their children was funny to me.

So please, take your little waggy finger and your glasses on the end of your nose and go and bother someone else.