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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

513 replies

HattyMonkey · 21/07/2014 22:48

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

OP posts:
ThatBloodyWoman · 22/07/2014 00:02

I personally don't feel the need to discuss how many holes we have, or give biologically correct names for body parts either.

Being asked a question is different and I'll answer at an appropriate time and place, when I think they are at an appropriate age, in a way they will understand.

Original poster
HattyMonkey · 22/07/2014 00:03

Just want to state my position here, I am not saying by changing my pad in front of dd makes me better than a parent who decides not to.

OP posts:
PhaedraIsMyName · 22/07/2014 00:03

OP, I really have no opinion one way or another on what you did. It suits you. My experience with 4 year olds and department store loos is it was quicker and easier to leave child immediately outside the door and get on with things.

No idea what the other odd woman was on about.

theendoftheendoftheend · 22/07/2014 00:03

The whole point of the OP was that the child didn't see anything but may have heard a conversation between a mother and daughter inside a locked cubicle. There was no mention of OP using a used pad as an educational tool to point in the face of random children. It was a perfectly innocent exchange between mother and daughter. I now feel inclined to get a red marker and a pad to stick to my forward and skip around Waitrose...

TheFairyCaravan · 22/07/2014 00:04

My boys knew about the facts of life from a very early age. We answered their questions honestly and factually when they asked them. They didn't need to see my blood on a tampon or sanitary towel to grasp the bit about periods!

catinbootz · 22/07/2014 00:05

This thread is batshit

theendoftheendoftheend · 22/07/2014 00:05

*or forehead Hmm

JohnFarleysRuskin · 22/07/2014 00:05

I wish I'd thought of the turn and face the door thing earlier - Doh!

Tanith · 22/07/2014 00:06

I can remember my mum changing her sanitary towel - horrible looped thing that had to be attached to a belt.

A similar thing happened with my DS, Op - I can remember the girl in the next cubicle giggling while I explained :)

LittleBearPad · 22/07/2014 00:07

Yanbu.

I bet there's a lit more people on thus thread than it would appear who watched their mothers change sanpro in public loos as three/four year olds. Most people don't remember much from this part if their life and a trip to the Debenhans loos isn't going to be worth remembering!

JassyRadlett · 22/07/2014 00:07

An awful lot of aggressive defensiveness on this thread tonight...

PhaedraIsMyName · 22/07/2014 00:07

Bazket as another boy only mother,agree with your post.

5madthings · 22/07/2014 00:07

I told dd as she has asked, I think she thought wee and poo came out the same place? And she is at the age where she is 'fiddling' a bit and said she had a 'hole' there. So I explained yes she did, along with saying they are her private bits and not to fiddle in public/in front of others.

Ds3 has also Been doing sex ed at school and so has Been asking questions/talking.

Also having five kids the older ones have seen me preg a few times and asked about it and been to midwife app and asked about birth and growing babies etc.

Original poster
HattyMonkey · 22/07/2014 00:08

theend that made me laugh, thank you.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 22/07/2014 00:09

definitely not turning to face the door, or me turning to face away. therein lies madness. he needs to be watched constantly otherwise there is trouble.

Mostly use the accessible toilets now as one ofus has a disability.

5madthings · 22/07/2014 00:09

I could leave ds1 outside at 4ish as he would stay put, ds2 not a chance, ditto ds4 and now dd who is three, she wouldn't be happy being left outside a cubicle and I am often taking her to the toilet at the same time.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 22/07/2014 00:10

It wasn't the Debenhams loo, it was the British Home Stores loo when I was a gal.

ICanHearYou · 22/07/2014 00:11

The most disgusting thing about this thread is the continued use of the term 'sanpro'

seriously, its horrid, stop it.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/07/2014 00:11

The mum is an idiot! It's none of her business what you do in a loo!

Original poster
HattyMonkey · 22/07/2014 00:12

To be fair dd2 could have stayed outside if I talked to her constantly but it never occurred to me as I have no problem with her sharing a cubicle.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 22/07/2014 00:12

How can you control what comes out of a young child's mouth!

usualsuspectt · 22/07/2014 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HattyMonkey · 22/07/2014 00:13

Usual Sanpro Sanrpro Sanpro!

OP posts:
kawliga · 22/07/2014 00:15

Have never been in a cubicle with anyone while they changed their sanpro. Not my mother, not my friends or sisters. Nobody. Boundaries, please, and privacy. Nothing to do with shame.

Same goes for poo, and I'm not ashamed of pooing. Where does shame come into it? We all poo, doesn't mean I want to be watched doing it (some people do it for kinky reasons, obviously that's different)

Managed to potty train dd without demonstrating how to do a poo. Maybe my dd is a super-marvelous-genius or something but she was aware of how to poo without watching me do it as she had been pooing all her life as we all do. The only thing was learning to do it in a potty and not in her nappy. Why would she suddenly need to watch somebody else do a poo to understand that it's normal to poo Confused

LOLeater · 22/07/2014 00:15

OP all you did was try to care for your dd and make sure you weren't leaking everywhere. You did absolutely nothing wrong. The ignorant and ridiculous person who accosted you clearly needs to get a life. Children are not "traumatised" by overhearing other mummies; they are "traumatised" when overbearing, patronising and pretentious parents are horrible.

Would try to phrase this more eloquently but wine consumption is an issue. Hic.