To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

[HattyMonkey]

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

[5madthings]

The madthings have all seen me changing pads/Tampax either at home or if out in public loos.

We have one bathroom with seven people, no lock the rule is you knock but I was never bothered by the little ones coming in. As they get older they tend to wait, though if they are in a rush to clean teeth etc before catching bus to school the elder two will still nip in or if I am in the bath or the shower they may come into the bathroom to chat to me. They know the little ones are in bed and they can use the opportunity to come and have a chat with me.

They see me naked etc and aren't bothered. Ds1 went through a phase/stage from 11-14 where he didn't want me to see him naked, but the other day he wandered from the bathroom to his bedroom starters with a towel around his hair (v long hair) so clearly he isn't bothered about being seen naked any more!

Ds2 is 12 and a bit more self conscious.

The younger three are 9, 6 and 3 and don't care at all.

I have been very open with them all about stuff and answered questions as they come up, same as dandy . I can go one further and say when ds1 was just 11 he watched me give birth to madthing5, dd and then cut the cord :)

I just don't see nudity and bodily functions as a big deal, they all know they can have privacy as And when they want it and have gone through phases of doing so but they don't care about seeing me naked and nor are they freaked our by periods, infant ds1 will buy Tampax etc when doing shopping.

It's nothing to be ashamed of and I want my boys growing up to know it's normal and to have an understanding of normal women's bodies.

[gamescompendium]

How else so you model / normalise going to the toilet when potty training? ?

DH said he never imagined taking a shit would every become an educational opportunity. The joys of parenthood.

[RabidFairy]

OP don't worry about a thing! That woman was out of order.

[BlackeyedSusan]

some children ask very young, and are not the sort of children that can be safely left outside the cubicle.

[Mrsfrumble]

I have never "demonstrated" changing a tampon in front of DS, or explicitly showed him a bloody pad, but he's been in the bathroom while I've done it he's an insatiably curious chap. If I'd shooed him away or made him turn his back he would have automatically assumed I was doing something fascinating, so I decided it was better to behave as if it was no big deal (which it isn't!).

As for the "old enough to ask, old enough to wait outside" argument, DS first asked why I was bleeding and changing a pad right after his sister was born when he was 23 months old (yes, he was a very articulate and observant 23 month old). Would you really leave a child that young alone in a public toilet?

[theendoftheendoftheend]

There is nothing wrong or dirty about having a period so why on earth children should be 'protected from it' evades me. On the other hand, giving the impression it is wrong or dirty or something to be protected from is very wrong. You did nothing wrong op. And why should you deny your own DD what is basically pretty standard awareness just incase someone elses kid might over hear it! Ridiculous

[5madthings]

I was not worried about them being snatched, if they were in a pushchair I would leavevthem strapped in outside cubicle door, but they weren't always in a pushchair and two of them were escape artists and I was worried they would wander off.

[HattyMonkey]

5madthings that is how I was brought up and what I do, but this woman set me thinking and judging by a few here she is not alone.

[MyFairyKing]

Only on MN would you get told its good parenting if your child sees you can your pad. Nothing wrong with it, of course, but good parenting?!

[brdgrl]

Sure, it's avoidable, but I see no reason to avoid it. It may also be unnecessary, but I don't see that it's necessary to not change my pad/tampon in front of DD, either. Who cares? If anything, I like to encourage her curiosity about our bodies and how they work.

No, my mum didn't do it. And I'm fine. I do it, and I'm sure DD will be fine too.

Other woman was a freak to care, a bigger one for saying anything, and if her son is so bothered by what happens in women's toilets, that is her problem to sort out, no one else's. The last place we should have to be quiet about menstruation is in a women's toilet! (ok, second to last - maybe the Dr's surgery would come first)

[vicmackie]

This takes me back to the heyday of LJ.

[HattyMonkey]

MyFairyKing I am not saying it is good parenting, it is a choice I made. I needed to change and took dd2 with me.

[picnicbasketcase]

It is perfectly possible to have never changed a towel in front of your children but still be able to talk to them frankly and honestly when they have any questions. Just because they've not seen it doesn't make anybody repressed or prudish.

Neither of my DC ever saw me change any, if they were in the cubicle with me, they would just face the door. Who stands looking at someone on the loo? Maybe they just understood the privacy thing earlier than some people, I don't know.

[PhaedraIsMyName]

People on this thread are complete prudes and utterly ridiculous!

That is a ridiculous comment. My son knew about periods from around 7. What purpose would have been served by showing him a bloody towel at age 4?. He was perfectly aware of what happens, knew that I suffered from painful periods, was brilliant with cups of tea and sympathy.

[5madthings]

And yes mine all asked at a young age, my dd is three and has been asking questions recently. She knows her brothers have a Willy and that she has a vulva and three holes, one for wee, one for poo and one for babies. She knows the names vagina, urethra etc but tends to just call it a 'girly bit'. She is just curious and knows she has different bits to her brothers.

I went with the womb making a cosy nest to grow a baby but if it's not needed it comes out as a period and the body grows a knew one explanation. Seemed ok for when they were little.

[AliMonkey]

My DD9 and I still often go into the same cubicle when out and about - more considerate to others if there is a big queue. Certainly when aged under 5 she would have normally come in with me (depending on exactly where we were) and would have been odder to then say when having period "stay outside" when normally she came in. She would have wanted to know why. Impressed by the poster who can nip in and change a pad in less than 10 seconds and find it odd that their child hasn't questioned what they are doing (assuming that it normally takes longer than 10 seconds when they are actually weeing). But maybe I'm just "blessed" by curious children.

As it is, DD has known about me bleeding since she was small, and this has then naturally led to the facts of life drip fed over the years. So we had a long conversation about periods a few months ago (initiated by her asking for details). This actually then led to me telling her about sex (very simply, not the details) in a public toilet - although in an "individual" toilet so we couldn't be overheard I promise - she just happened to ask me when we were in the toilet together and I always promised myself I would be honest when she asked. Much more healthy in my opinion than the parents in her class who wanted to take their children out of the sex ed lesson aged 8 because "hearing about periods would scare them" - how they thought that would be more scary than them starting their periods and having no idea why they were bleeding I have no idea!

[TheFairyCaravan]

I'm another one who has managed to raise two well adjusted young men without them ever seeing me change any sanpro.

I never saw my mother do it either.

When my children were toddlers they never came to the bathroom with me when I went to the loo either. We did have a lock on the door but I didn't use it, they just played in their rooms for the 5-10 minutes it took.

We're not prudes, we have just brought our children up to respect each other's privacy.

[CaptainTrollolololol]

People be getting defensive now. Neither way is good and neither way is bad. Just like all unimportant choices.

[fluffymouse]

Op I just feel sorry for you that your dd said that in a public toilet.

So glad I had a mirena.

[5madthings]

I don't think that I am right and others are wrong it's just how we are in our household, my parent's were similar, I remember sseeing my parent's naked or going to the toilet and I hq've a very distinct memory of my mum in the bath after having my sister hand expressing breast milk, I must have been five or six?

Its just different attitudes/preferences to nudity etc, do what works for your family but I don't think there is anything wrong with kids seeing/being aware of these things.

[brdgrl]

Well put, CaptainTroll.

[BasketzatDawn]

Just thinking some more about this. If you thought a woman with a small child was having a mc in a public place, would the compassionate approach not be to ask if she needed help/was okay rather than to lambast her.

My mum - different generation of course - used to get me to turn round in public toilets if she was changing a tampon. I accepted this as just part of her preference for privacy. Mt own Dc, all boys, knew about (my)periods from early. I'd tend to leave them outside cubicle anyway, mostly as there were so many of them. And not much space. Certainly at nearly 4, they wouldn't be with me IN the cubicle.

I was always happier when they came to the ladies with me - all mothers of boys have that moment when boys decide they must go to the gents alone, and that is much more scary IME than leaving them outside a cubicle in the ladies' loo. Not judging th0ose who do differently, just thinking of the issues there.