To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

[HattyMonkey]

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

I'm not buying the udea that she thought op was having a miscarriage. What woman in hrr right mind would show anything but sympathy in that situation? Also, how would her young DS know enough about miscarriages to be traumatised?

Some people have ishoos if they have a problem with a young child's question.

Ferchrisssakes.

The extent of the dialogue was 'Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?"/ "that's right".

A child young enough to be with his mother in a women's loo would not be able to understand or infer anything much from that.

And no one's saying they actively show their children the issues around menstruation or that it's 'lovely and natural'; sometimes you have your child in a cubicle with you, and you have to sort out your period, and the child is there and sees.

It's not really a big deal, is it?

My mum said "I'll tell you later".
She never did.

I'm honestly surprised at the amount of people asking their child to face away from them, be hidden behind a door or (apparently) refrain from changing their towel when their child is there.

You get a question, you give a simple and honest answer. The less fuss you make of it the less the child thinks it's an odd and unusual occurrence. And it probably means they're more confident about the bigger, more important answers you give later on.

An individual woman willl often want to keep it private that she has her period, but she isn't obliged to.

The fact that females in general menstruate is not a private matter requiring hushed tones.

I am surprised this is still going!
It takes some parents a long time to realise that they can't organise and control their child's whole environment unless they stay at home without visitors!
People will say what they like in public toilets and you can't stop them!
I would answer questions quietly - if you overhear I can't help it. Children ask questions in public places.

Weeblueberry

What do you mean hidden behind a door?

Is that an attempt to make 'doesn't take child in the cubicle with them' sound punitive ?

I have never taken children in a cubicle if I can avoid it. They are bloody tiny and I never particularly worried about a child in a public loo.

My children were always given honest answers and have made it to near adulthood able to talk about sex and contraception and periods without exploding. My son wrote some very interesting stuff about rape and consent which he thoroughly enjoyed discussing with me. I didn't make him stand behind a door or anything.

The fact that females in general menstruate is not a private matter requiring hushed tones

Who said it was? I'm getting quite fed up of the insinuations and assumptions being made by the fact I somehow managed to change a towel without ever having to cram myself and my son into a small public toilet together. It's a very big leap to assume my son didn't know about stuff like periods and that they were just things that happen to women.

And a point none of the "you can't keep it private or you'll screw your children up brigade " have taken on is that in my case there were occasions when the amount of blood actually scared me. God only knows what a toddler would have made of it or why it was necessary or good for a toddler to see it.

Ah, I forget with single buggies you can usually get them to the door. I have a side-by-side double monstrosity so can very rarely get it anywhere near the door of a loo.

They can both unclip and get out of the buggy anyhow, and have been able to for months. I've never been overly concerned about anyone stealing them, more them going for a wander to try and find me or sweets.

Yes, a double buggy must make life more difficult.
Plus my eldest was very sensible and big brother-ish. He was like a very effeicient bouncer in the loos.
"stay here. You're not leaving. Wait for mummy!'

I didn't like the insinuation " some enjoy 24/7 attachment and do not want children out of their sight" that certainly didn't describe me either! :)

Practical question - how do you avoid changing a towel in front of a child when they're small and you're out and about, if you have a clingy child? I bleed like a fucking stuck pig for the first couple of days, and need to change towels every couple of hours. And I'm now perimenopausal so it's very unpredictable - fortunately DS is now 6 so is no longer clingy, so we can have separate cubicles, but that really wasn't an option when he was tiny - he'd have had a complete meltdown. Believe me, those of us who take kids into cubicles with us do not do so from choice, but from necessity - I have a friend who jokes that she only went back to work to be able to go to the toilet on her own. So given that they're in there with you, the only option, in my experience, is to be calmly matter of fact about it all.

My ds is seven. I have never had the situation where I have needed to have him in the cubicle when I need to change sanitary protection.

Lurcio

If you have a clingy child and /or want to take them in with you why wouldn't you?
Just because I didn't that doesn't mean I think you shouldn't.
Has anyone said you shouldn't?

Well, my 4 year old goes in her won cubicle and has been doing so for about a year. I think (if I remember correctly) her brother did at that age too. I don't leave my 2 year old outside the cubicle though, and she'd go ballistic if I did! She's definitely nosy, and verbal, enough to ask a question. Don't people go out for the whole day with toddlers? How on Earth do people avoid changing a towel or having a poo - all day?! Getting the child to face away seems a bit extreme.

My 6 and 4 year olds know about periods - I generally answer their questions as they ask them. I've never deliberately shown them anything but guessing they'll have seen it when they were younger.

YANBU, OP - people are weird.

how do you avoid changing a towel in front of a child when they're small and you're out and about, if you have a clingy child?

No idea. I didn't have a clingy child but if I had I might have tried to deal with the clingyness.

I avoided using the loo when out as much as possible, and usually had children under age 4 in a stroller. I usually only went to the loo with small children if they were the ones who needed to go. Otherwise, I parked them outside the cubicle.

At home I locked the bathroom door except in the run up to potty training. I think it's important to teach small children the concept of privacy and waiting a little if it isn't convenient for a caregiver to handle their need that very minute. I also taught them not to interrupt if I was on the phone, with the same reason in mind. It doesn't hurt children to wait a reasonable amount of time (as long as you're not going to lose track of time)..

We still found plenty of opportunities to discuss anatomy, how babies are born, etc.

Ah yes because clingyness is much easier to deal with than taking small children into cubicles with you.

I frequently don't take my 2.2 year olds buggy out with us. She's a good walker and I carry her if need be. I'm not going to leave her outside a cubicle. Others on this thread may feel differently but my approach really doesn't affect you.

Yes mrsjohndory , I went out with my toddlers . They waited outside the cubicle .

Watched by their elder brother. What happened when he was a toddler?

My ds waited outside too, Pag.

Wow, there really are some prudish judgemental comments on this thread.

Inspired by this thread I had a conversation with Dd 1 age 8 about periods and her understanding. Very useful.

She mentioned occasions when she had walked in on me using the loo at home when she saw me using sanitary products and some blood. We haven't any locks on the doors in our house so that situation is impossible to avoid. Especially considering the law regarding how interesting/vital you are to your young children is inversely proportional to how available you are (on the loo, making an important phone call suddenly your child neeeeeeds you!)!

So cheers op :-)

Is that at me Little Bear?