To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

[HattyMonkey]

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

School age child yes but not toddler or ore schooler

I am genuinely intrigued by those of you who have never done this in front of your kids - do you just not go anywhere for 1 week out of every 4? Or does everyone have super-biddable 2 and 3yos who turn around and face the door in a toilet cubicle without asking awkward questions or licking it?

Combination of non-curious, non-clingy DCs and Mirena coil for me. When the DCs were really young they used to come in cubicles with me but didn't take much notice of what I was doing, they never really asked any questions. At home they didn't come in routinely, just sometimes if they wanted to speak to me, they still do that at 8 and 10, but generally I was always able to leave them where they were. They know never to walk in on anyone apart from me and DH though.

Had the mirena coil since they were about 1 and 3 years old so no periods since then, just a bit of spotting. I've talked it all through with them though.

I've got 4 children and have never changed a tampon in front of them.
I was on depo for years when my older ones were small so had no periods. With my younger two I left them in the double buggy outside to use loo, but even still am rarely out long enough to need to change tampon anyway. I change before I go and when I get in.

I think the thing I find most peculiar about this thread is the sheer amount of potentially 'bolting' toddlers and young children that necessitates everyone bundling in to a small cubicle for mum to change her tampon...I just assumed everyone did the 'stay there and put your foot under the door trick' as soon as they were out of buggies..before that strapped into buggy outside cubicle...as far as I can remember, only time I've been in a public loo with a child was to facilitate them having a wee... Based on the fact that there are almost always 2 doors between loo and outside a small child must have a pretty desperate desire to escape to get very far in the time it takes to change a tampon..ateotd each to your own, some parents like a little privacy, some enjoy 24/7 attachment and don't ever want dc out of their sight...no right or wrong just different styles of parenting. So on that basis OP you were NBU to be taken aback as you simply answered a question when asked, in that situation I would do the same, only I would never feel the need for that situation.

sassy, I agree.but I didn't dare say it because on Mumsnet it is considered neglectful to leave any child under 16 unattended anywhere- even in their own house.

Sassy yes toddlers do bolt. It is nine of your business what other parents do when going to the toilet. I would rather have my toddler in the loo then get full view of people whilst changing my pad. Fut under tge door when they are of school age.

twelvelegged I'm intrigued by the number of people who apparently can't find any other way of doing it other than in front of children.

And thinking on it I don't think it's lovely and natural and part of being a woman if as in my case your 4 year old is going to see a loo flooded with blood, a tampon so saturated that the flush of blood has actually forced it out on to a towel which resembles a butcher's offal counter. And add in the smell of warm blood too.

That has nothing to do with shame or prudishness rather than not wanting to make a small girl think it's going to be as hell for her as it was for me.

So 4/5 years

Yes foot under the Dior when their of school age 4/5 not toddlers!

Blimey your posh when you go to the toilet Aero

When I had a buggy with me they sat strapped in outside of cubicle, but ds2 was s good escape artist. And we didn't always use the pushchair, we walked or I used a bike trailer to get us where we wore going and then they would walk. Ds1 would stay stood outside a cubicle, ds2 not so was far more distractable and impulsive and couldn't be trusted at 2/3 to stay put. Ds3 more like ds1 and ds4 more like ds2. Dd just doesn't like standing on her own outside the cubicle and a few of them gor very upset at the noise of hand dryers so came in with me as they would get upset. It has just varied depending on the child and where we were. Plus heavy periods mean regular changing when out.

I don't see the fact that some toddlers can be trusted to stand outside a cubicle whilst others can't as unusual. I ser it as normal age appropriate variations between children. So you do what you need to do. I don't actually care what other people do and though I am what could be called an attachment parent, I certainly give my children far more age approx freedoms than others, so my three year old May go into a toilet cubicle with me but by 9 can cycle to school alone and visit the local shop and library etc which people have told me is wrong. Meh you can't win someone will always judge!

The last judgement I had was from a random woman telling me that dd who is 3 Will damage her bike and spine by using a scooter...! Whatever!

I always changed tampons in front of mine; never occurred to me not to.

It's parents call what they do, it's none of anybodies business. I personally don't want to take risks with my toddlers, they will not be standing in the cubicle when their 15 with me! I take my 2.5 year old escape artist in with me so what! Yes I only frequent certain toilets, just any won't do

I squirted (or 'spritzed' if we're feeling fancy) half the contents of my grandmother's bottle of something Dior after having a poo, in lieu (or loo splits own sides )of air freshener.

My grandfather was NOT impressed.

It was labelled 'eau de toilette'. How was I to know?

Toilet water, there!

If he's that easily 'traumatised' he'll spend his whole life in a state of trauma anyway so he may as well get used to it. There was nothing wrong with anything you said.

so far DD (3.6) hasn't asked, but if she does, I shall explain in a similar way to you, Hatty.

I can't see that you did anything wrong.
If your daughter is anything like mine, saying "I'll tell you later" is a recipe for disaster. It's easier just to explain, however simply, there and then.

I'm in my 40s and can remember seeing my Mum change a pad or tampon in my presence. In fact, I can remember one of my grans changing a pad now and then, as she had a very late menopause. My son has seen me change sanpro - I told him that women bleed for a few days every month so they can have babies if they want, and a few questions like, "Does Grandma/Daddy/Auntie X do that?", were the extent of his interest. He's stopped following me into the loo at home now (he's 3), but of course he comes with me when we're out and about. I had to change my towel in front of him in a motorway service station at the weekend, and he was far more interested in asking me what the advert on the back of the door was all about than paying attention to what he calls 'mummy's lady nappies'. Bodies are normal, periods are normal, women are normal: all messages that are good for kids.

I think the woman was right to complain. What you choose to show and tell your children is up to you, but other people also have the right to decide when and how to tell their children about these things.

I would have used a whispering voice telling my child that I will explain later because it private and we are in a public toilet.

I saw my mu change sanpro a few times when I was very young, not traumatised.

Bloody hell the child asked the question, all op said was that's right. She did not give her dd a sex lecture fgs!

Twelveleggedwalk,

It wasn't difficult at all tbh. If they were in the buggy then I had it immediately outside my loo door - usually the furthest cubicle. If they were big enough to beout without a buggy,they were big enough to stand by the door where I could see them.
It was just never a thing. [shrug]

I still don't get why people are loading so much baggage on this one choice. Very odd.

Sorry twelve - that last bit was a general thought, not aimed at you .