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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

513 replies

HattyMonkey · 21/07/2014 22:48

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

OP posts:
JohnFarleysRuskin · 22/07/2014 09:03

Um it's not a political act or even an educational act - it's a need to change with a small child act.,

I'm not sure what you mean by going on the road without being prepared- stooshe- it is being prepared isn't it?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 22/07/2014 09:04

Why is sanpro for sanitary protection any worse than TV for television or SciFi for science fiction? Not text speak, just abbreviations.

As for children being curious, not all of them are, mine have never shown the slightest bit of interest in why bodies are different and changes happen.

But to get back to the original question, you didn't do anything wrong, she was rude to comment on an overheard private conversation.

ThatBloodyWoman · 22/07/2014 09:10

Actually, talking about tv, the adverts on tv really bug me too, particularly the more graphic ones with tampons absorbing (curiously) blue liquid.

Its a recipe for more questions than I've cared to answer at certain points in my dc's lives!

Original poster
HattyMonkey · 22/07/2014 09:13

I was prepared stooshe I had a pad to change hence the question by dd so don't really understand our point.

OP posts:
ElizabethMedora · 22/07/2014 09:16

stooshe when I use tampons, I soak through the heaviest ones in 3 hours. Do you really think I should stay at home throughout my period to avoid possibly having to change a tampon in a cubicle with my DC? It's not being unprepared, FFS.

soverylucky · 22/07/2014 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RevoltingPeasant · 22/07/2014 09:28

This thread is nuts.

Only on MN could a discussion like this turn into frothing anti-Americanism. Despite multiple posters who are, you know, actually American saying they had never heard the term before coming on MN. Which is..... A British site.

And wtf is a South American drawl? Did you mean Southern? Because in South America most people speak Spanish. Hth.

birdmomma · 22/07/2014 09:32

I think it's much better to start explanations as young as possible, and answer everything simply and truthfully as it crops up. This avoids awkward and embarrassing formal talks when the child is older, with both of you cringing because you haven't dealt with this before when it would have been easier. Personally I wouldn't have changed my moon cup in front of my children as it traumatises me every time, so I wouldn't subject a small child to it.

Pyjamaramadrama · 22/07/2014 09:33

My ds who's 6 knows about periods.

He's seen me change a pad maybe once or twice, I've bought him in a toilet cubicle and distracted him but he's being fidgeting and spotted it and asked why I am bleeding.

Now he's 6 he goes into the cubicle next to me or I make him wait outside for me with his foot under the door, but he's seen me bleed when he was maybe 3 or 4.

I simply explained to him that every month women produce an egg inside her body which can turn into a baby, if the lady doesn't want a baby the egg has to come out and it looks like blood. He hasn't asked since but does now think that I lay eggs pmsl. He knows that my tampons and pads are mummy's things and he isn't bothered or traumatised.

Hopefully he won't find it all funny and embarrassing when he hits his teens and adulthood. He certainly doesn't know anything about sex or anything more.

LittleBearPad · 22/07/2014 09:35

Revolting Grin. I wondered about the South American drawl myself.

If it were textspk wouldn't it be S@npr0?

Muses

Pyjamaramadrama · 22/07/2014 09:40

Also is it just me who's child at age 2 or 3 would stand in the toilet asking if I'm doing a wee or a poo then clapping saying well done you did it?

OnlyLovers · 22/07/2014 09:43

YANBU. She was being a twunt and I'd have told her to wind her fecking neck in.

Bearbehind, you have issues and no one was actively 'showing' a child a used sanitary pad.

Only1scoop · 22/07/2014 09:48

Yabu.... Seems like to much information for a 3 year old....

Only1scoop · 22/07/2014 09:48

Yabu.... Seems like to much information for a 3 year old....

fledermaus · 22/07/2014 09:50

Wow this is weird! Why would a 3 year old knowing about periods be too much information or stealing their innocence? Periods are hardly upsetting or disgusting or shameful are they Confused

PlumpPartridge · 22/07/2014 09:51

Also is it just me who's child at age 2 or 3 would stand in the toilet asking if I'm doing a wee or a poo then clapping saying well done you did it?

Not just you pyjama Grin

Idontseeanyicegiants · 22/07/2014 09:56

Oh no not just you, I get a round if applause and a pat on the knee from my toddler while she's saying 'well done mummy, good girl' Grin
Darn you toilet training...

LiberalLibertines · 22/07/2014 10:03

Yes,I get called a good girl in public toilets Grin

Op, what ever the woman thought, she was really unreasonable to confront you.

I think some people are getting confused, the op had to change her pad, her dd would not be ok waiting outside (nor would mine, she's deadly afraid of hand dryers) so op had to change her pad in front of her dd.

Not an educational trip to a public loo to demonstrate the menstrual cycle. A necessity.

Lovecat · 22/07/2014 10:11

Nutty thread. I thought we had rules against troll-hunting...?

Anyway, with all this talk of privacy, I thought I would share my experience with DD when she was about 3. We have no lock on our bathroom door since she managed to shut herself in there, panic and forget how to undo the bolt.

I was on the loo, DD barges in and starts having a chat. Normally I'm okay with this, but I was suffering from a particularly heavy period (and thank you MNers for recommending tranexamic acid, has changed my life! :) ) so I said "Please go and chat to daddy, DD, I don't need an audience for this!"

She disappeared. Five minutes later, the door flew open and she came in with a big basket of toys. While I was stuck sitting on the loo, she arranged them neatly in several rows in a semi-circle around me, all facing me.

"Audience, mummy!" she grinned. And ran off giggling. DH came upstairs and stuck his head in to see if the bathroom was free. I'm not sure he believed me when I told him what had happened...

Idontseeanyicegiants · 22/07/2014 10:14

I hate this advertising idea that so many women have bought into that periods should be hidden. There's threads on here rightfully seething about scented towels and ridiculous adverts but when it actually comes down 'this is what happens once a month, it will happen to you too and it's nothing to be scared of' people get tight lipped and judgemental.
It's as normal as having a wee or brushing your teeth, why be so coy about it?

vladthedisorganised · 22/07/2014 10:17

Why is this weird? I had to explain to 3yo DD what a miscarriage was, very calmly and quietly, when I started to miscarry (late, so she knew I was pregnant) in a public loo. She was surprisingly OK about it and seemed to get what I said.

Frankly, I didn't and don't give a monkeys about who else was around at the time - the one person who was seriously traumatised by the event as far as I could see was me. If anyone had pulled me up on explaining it to DD then and there rather than waiting until we got home, I would have either cried, punched them or probably both.

I don't make a song and dance about periods but wouldn't 'shield' DD from the idea. I get more awkward questions about shaving my legs to be honest.

IndiansInTheLobby · 22/07/2014 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bowlersarm · 22/07/2014 10:19

Just clicked on thread with trepidation.

I thought you might have said that Father Christmas didn't exist and traumatised all the children in the near vicinity.

This is much less controversial Grin

TalcumPowder · 22/07/2014 10:23

YANBU, OP. What a weird thread. Is the tutting, bosom-hoiking etc. an English thing? Not only has my two year old son seen me change tampons innumerable times and has a rough idea what they're for, he can also point to the right brand on a supermarket shelf (which makes it very useful when my husband is doing the shopping and dithering between different colours).

That doesn't make me a better or worse parent than anyone with a different policy, but then I'm not getting purse-lipped and judgemental about people who have a strict 'locked doors and no discussing periods with the under-sevens' rules.

Of course he doesn't 'need' to know about periods, but neither does he need to know all the words to the Fireman Sam theme tune, or which bloody engine is which in Thomas the Tank engine!

CarmineRose1978 · 22/07/2014 10:26

I don't remember ever seeing my mum change her tampons or indeed go to the loo in front of me... She must have done when she was out and about with us though, as she used to say that my (older) brother would stand there patiently while she did a wee, but I used to be opening the door and trying to escape while she sat on the loo! I was a bit of a terror for slipping away, apparently - she or my dad would be holding my hand then suddenly realise I'd let go and was halfway across the shop. They put me on reins after the first couple of times.

To be honest I don't remember much before I was four or five. Is that weird? I do have some memories from when I was younger, but nothing on a general day-to-day level.

I do know that my brother and I used to take my mum's tampons to play with, and we really didn't know what they were for - I had some kind of idea that they were for putting between your boobs?!? God knows why. And I got told about periods by an slightly older friend when I was about ten - I was horrified and outraged, not at the thought of the blood or the cramps, but when I heard that boys didn't have anything equivalent. I think it was the first time I'd ever faced the idea that the gender gap wasn't "fair". Having a brother, I knew that some things were different, but I'd never realised that I could at a disadvantage by being a girl.