To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

[HattyMonkey]

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

but 'sanpro' is firstly NOT a word ... Its a horribly Americanized word and I refuse to believe it has anything to do with me or my monthlies.

seriously?

San -Sanitary
Pro - Protection

hiding periods/toilets/poo/wee/bath from toddlers who follow you everywhere? How? Why?

no - just why?

Sanpro is a handy shorthand so as not to have to type 'towel, tampon, or mooncup' when you're online and in a hurry. What's the fuss? I don't think people generally say it, do they?

'Monthlies' - now there's a terrible word.

I'm not sure there actually is any outrage on this thread. Posters are stating two sides of an argument but there are very few that are bothered, let alone outraged, by those that disagree with them.

I think the only outrageous thing was the account of the original conversation. If it's true then it really was outrageous.

I have never changed pad in front of dd but there's nothing wrong with that! Good for you, op, for being honest. I was never told about these things and really wished my mother was open and honest.
Woman is a loon!

Stools are you a woman! When women are heavy tgey need to change often, that can be shock horror whilst out and about. I would not leave my 3 year old outside a toilet cubicle, they could wander off or yes get taken. No thanks do I want the toilet open when I'm doing my business!

I never wanted my kids watching me poo or change my san pro. I prefer to be on my own. I never gave it any thought. Its one of those times I'm glad I had my DCs pre mumsnet. So much less agnst.

Ds2 is currently working delivering babies so I guess he wasn't scared for life by desire for privacy.

Stoosh i meant!

If you are in public having such discussions, I, for one, would appreciate discretion

I am sure the op will attempt to explain discretion to her 3yr old. What do you say to your child in such a situation? Do you shhh them so not to offend the masses, and possibly open yourself up to louder & more personal questions, or do you deal with it honestly & to the point?

There is another important lesson to be learned- that there appropriate and inappropriate times for particular conversations. In the OP's position, if I thought I might be overheard I might well have said "wait til we get home- we can talk about it then". Not because I think it's an inappropriate conversation for chdren, but because I don't particularly want to talk about my periods in the hearing of strangers. But I've never been a fan of performance parenting.

She's a twit. Small children follow you everywhere and are curious about everything. By 2.5 DS had definitely asked about my menstrual blood - I explained that every month I made a nest in my tummy in case I made a baby, and if I didn't use it, it got washed away by the blood so I could make a new one.

If I had to put money on which boy was going to grow up with weird attitudes to women's bodies and bodily functions, mine or the lad in the cubicle next to you, I know which way I'd place the bet. And I wouldn't be blaming you for any trauma in adulthood, I'd be blaming his crazily repressed upbringing.

Not because I think it's an inappropriate conversation for chdren, but because I don't particularly want to talk about my periods in the hearing of strangers. But I've never been a fan of performance parenting.

That just sounds like a mean thing to say. If your child asks you a question and you answer them truthfully in a quiet tone (as op says she did) then that's performance parenting? Do you deliberately avoid saying anything to your kids that might be potentially upsetting for others until you get home, for fear of being thought a performance parent? Do you whisper answers to them when a truthful answer simply cannot be avoided in public?

Laughing at "that's right" being performance parenting

And as for the idea of a 3 year old understanding the need for discretion ROFLMAO! (Recalls DS standing at the top of the stairs in Pizza Express bellowing at my retreating figure "But mummy, are you going to do a wee or a poo? A WEE OR A POO, MUMMY?" I thought learning not to be embarrassed by anything was a necessary survival skill as a parent).

What the OP should have said is "quiet child! We do not talk of the unclean thing in public"

Yep- I would answer a question like this in a low voice so that people outside would be unlikely to hear. Because I would be modelling good manners to my child.

fledermaus, me too! but and as well.

Hadn't noticed 'I, for one, would appreciate discretion' before.

Can't believe the handbag-clutching going on on here.

So the OP was right?

I don't ever remember seeing my mum change her sanpro, but at the same time, I don't suppose I can remember much from the age when you go into the loo with your mum. And at the same time my mum told me nothing which left me pretty traumtatised when my periods did start (I was younger than most friends) which is something I will never forgive her for.

DD has seen me change mine, simply because she used to get very distressed if I shut the bathroom door on her. Open discussion as much as possible in our house. And I don't like the idea that it's all whispers behind closed doors and something to be embarrassed about.

DD is now 5 and probably since she was about 3 I haven't been to the toilet when DD is in there. I don't ever remember seeing my Mum going to the loo and certainly never saw her changing tampons/towels etc.

Never did me any harm. There are certain things I wouldn't want to see and therefore I wouldn't want DD to see them either.

But each to their own and THAT'S the point.

People are sometimes odd about their sons hearing about periods. My friend was horrified when I told her her son and my DD had learned about periods that day in class they're TEN ffs! "I thought they'd just learn about babies in the womb and things...he's too young!"

Nothing about my DD being "too young" mind you. I told her it was better for boys to fully grasp the facts as it would make them more understanding when their friends got their periods and she was not convinced

Oh and I HATE the term "sanpro" it sounds like toilet cleaner!

But she did use a low voice!! If people are speaking in the cubicle next to you then the polite thing is to pretend you didn't hear them, in any case!

Argh.

op, you were not unreasonable. Unreasonable would have been to say 'THAT'S RIGHT DARLING, MUMMY IS BLEEDING FROM HER UTERUS AND IT IS COMING OUT OF HER VAGINA. HERE, HAVE A GOOD LOOK.'

Don't use tampax and don't change the pad in front of them

Don't recall changing one in a public loo when they were there, think they may have been very young or too old to be in the cubicle

They have seen it in my knickers definitely at home and probably while in a public loo...they first queried it at about 5 but I wouldn't see the point in hiding it!!

Weird reaction from the woman...even if I was her and was disgusted by you I wouldn't confront you!! Just bitch about you for the rest of the day

Dd is really disgusted by the idea of tampax...I explained what you did with it the other day, by the look on her face you would have thought I'd deep fried and eaten a spider in front of her

All these people saying they 'never' saw any evidence of their mothers periods as they grew up - that is completely unproven as surely you cannot all have total recall on your childhood. If it was when you were 3 years old and you glimpsed evidence of menses while in a toilet cubicle at John Lewis - this completely non traumatic experience is likely one you can't remember and it is not going to be something your mum would reminisce fondly about.

'sides 35 years ago I am pretty sure my mum was more comfortable leaving me outside the cubicle sometimes than parents are today so pretending that periods are blue liquid that you excrete while rollerskating was probs easier in the 70's and 80's.

I saw evidence of my mothers periods from an early age though - I am sure (but I don't remember when exactly) - her periods were long painful and very heavy, the effect it had on her behaviour and mood was the traumatic part, not the blood.

I apparently informed a lady at the shoe shop that Mum had lost her baby (she had a miscarriage) when I was around 8 yrs old. I can assure I was not the one traumatised by that . I doubt either of the children referred to in the op will remember this when they are adults. The grown ups will but you have nowt to be ashamed of op.